Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Respect and transparency are important to me in relationships. I would be troubled by a friend who I frequently hosted in my home talking behind my back.

It depends on the history of the friendship. How long, how deep. All things considered.

So this would not be black and white to me.

Oh brother. How's it supposed to go then? "Thank you, we had a wonderful time, as usual. The chicken was a bit dry and the wine was subpar but the company was wonderful."

I’m the PP. No, the transparency part was not about being truthful about the quality of the food. It was about what happened in the interaction that led to friend saying the OP’s cooking was bad. That part of thr story was still unclear.

I would be more likely to be upset with the mutual friend who told me about the remark about my cooking, than I would with the person who didn't like my cooking.

Yes. I disagree with the person saying this is no big deal.

I had a "friend" that was always just so nice and then one day CC'ed me on an email just trashing me.

Never again did I trust that person. Snake in the grass person to be avoided.

Anonymous wrote:It is within your power to forgive anything, but whether it's worth it to you to do that is another question.

This. I have forgiven a lot and family/friends have forgiven me for a lot. Most people don’t forget, however, so resentment still comes up once in a while. But if the relationship is worth it to you, then you just let that feeling move pass you and continue on. Such is life.

I think it’s fine for you to decide you don’t want the person around bc that specific comment (even if trivial to some) is a trust breaker for you.

I had a friend for years I was very close to, we’d gone on family trips together, been there for milestones. She had a big personality and would often say little things I’d brush off as just her being unfiltered. Then one time, very casually and laughing, she made a really mean comment about my dh out of the blue and laughing. That was it for me and I distanced myself.

People don't accept or decline dinner party invitations based on the food. Come on. It's a social occasson.

Anonymous wrote:We can be friends but I will never host them again

+1

Anonymous wrote:Me: I heard you trashed the parties I've been inviting you to for years.
Them: Oh I iddn't mean it
Me: then why'd you say it?
Them: I was angry about something else.
Me: then why'd you say it?
Them: ...
Me: Maybe it's best you no longer come. Oh, an I DO mean it.

I will ice you out in a second if you screw me.

Ok? Aren't you tough, lol. (Bet you aren't having any parties to "ice" anyone out of.)

Well, what is the "something else" they are angry about? What did you do, OP?

At any rate, just stop hosting them. They don't like you, so they probably won't mind.

I need way more context.

How would you characterize this person as a friend to date
Length of friendship
How sincere was the apology

Close friends I've had a long time who have a long track record of being a good friend? The rope is a lot longer. I've invested a lot and the person has shown me a lot. People make mistakes and I'd move on and I'd want the same from them in return. That's the only way to maintain a super long friendship.

A new friend or a casual friend? Bye!

I’d be more surprised and hurt that my friend was talking smack about me behind my back and the content of her bad mouthing wouldn’t really matter.

If they were talking about cooking and she said “Karla isn’t a very good cook but she has some recipes I’ve tried myself and liked”, and you over heard and her response was “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be unkind - what a stupid thing for me to say out loud, I’m sorry”, I’d totally forget about it and move on.

Again- the problem is your friend got angry and said a mean thing about you behind your back for the sole purpose of hurting your feelings. Doesn’t matter what the thing is she said

We can be friends but I will never host them again

I really don’t understand why you are up in arms. Someone is allowed to not like your cooking! So what? Obviously they like your parties, even more obviously since apparently they aren’t there for the food. And no, you don’t tell friends you don’t like their cooking (unless they ask, I guess); you thank them for having you and for hosting a lovely party.

You not cooking well (in their opinion) is not a character flaw. How do you even confront someone over this - “How dare you not like my cooking!” Like…what? I think you are waaaaaay overreacting, to the point where I think the friend is better off if you take a break. I understand having hurt feelings but your reaction is so over the top.

When they said they didn’t mean it, did it include an apology, and a way to make it up to you?

If not, then I wouldn’t go out of my way for this person unless you really enjoy their company or are obligated to (or it would make things too awkward with other people).

I’d be done.
Why waste time with awful ppl?