Anonymous wrote:OP here. Shocked at the responses - calling my family trash, etc. I was just looking for a way to equitably divide costs - and never thought for a second anyone of my beloved cousins would refuse to pay if I sent them a message letting them know how much they owe.
The cousin who reached out paid for half the house. I decided not even to ask the others. They are all generous and would always help my family in any time of need so I feel like being generous back. I just wasn't sure if it was ok with my husband - but he was fine with it. End of thinking about it. In the future, though, I would ask upfront how everyone should split the costs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To play devil’s advocate, maybe the relatives believed you were treating since you suggested the house. DH went to his nephew’s wedding alone. None of his siblings brought spouses or kids either (they weren’t invited) so it ended up being just him, his mom and siblings. His oldest sister stated she was renting a house so they could all stay together. I asked him if he was paying a portion since a hotel would be cheaper but he told me his sister was paying since she offered to rent it. But as far as I know, she never stated she was paying for it. DH assumed. I’m not sure what her intention was but DH insisted he didn’t need to contribute.

I always ask what I can contribute. I even did so when my parents planned beach vacations years ago and when my sister invited us to use her rental home (she was losing income otherwise). Unless you had clearly expressed you were treating, I would pay my portion even if only asked after the fact. But in your shoes, I would assume that not everybody might respond favorably. I’d still ask though.

No,
Suggestions are not free treatment.
We should go out to dinner Vs
I like to take you out to dinner.( This is when you are getting free dinner.)
Tell your DH to offer his sister some payment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Shocked at the responses - calling my family trash, etc. I was just looking for a way to equitably divide costs - and never thought for a second anyone of my beloved cousins would refuse to pay if I sent them a message letting them know how much they owe.
The cousin who reached out paid for half the house. I decided not even to ask the others. They are all generous and would always help my family in any time of need so I feel like being generous back. I just wasn't sure if it was ok with my husband - but he was fine with it. End of thinking about it. In the future, though, I would ask upfront how everyone should split the costs.

Way to screw your generous cousin.

NP . Agree. Ughh

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Shocked at the responses - calling my family trash, etc. I was just looking for a way to equitably divide costs - and never thought for a second anyone of my beloved cousins would refuse to pay if I sent them a message letting them know how much they owe.
The cousin who reached out paid for half the house. I decided not even to ask the others. They are all generous and would always help my family in any time of need so I feel like being generous back. I just wasn't sure if it was ok with my husband - but he was fine with it. End of thinking about it. In the future, though, I would ask upfront how everyone should split the costs.

Way to screw your generous cousin.