Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, the proportion of posters who say biglaw is out of wack. Why is that?

Because being a big law lawyer in DC kind of sucks. Most everyone I know hates or hated it. It's a grind, and for many people, it's not sustainable for any sort of work-life balance.

+1 and some of the posters, like me, are older. 20+ years ago when tech was not as advanced and remote work was what you did from an airplane on paper while traveling out of town to see a client in person. Investing in newly emerging tech (cell phones, lap tops, broadband) was very expensive, and law was slow to adopt.

Before I had kids, what I saw and learned from partners who were parents was not good. They delegated everything related to their lives outside of work, and in attempts to get home, sometimes delegated even more to the people who worked under them, making those lawyers lives even more miserable as you waited in the office for the partner to call in after the kids were in bed. Several only ever talked to thier kids by phone before bedtime. Partners had drivers for them and their kids, chefs, three shifts of nannies, housekeepers, and cleaners. Most ended up divorced. Everyone drank too much. I attended a few funerals where the eulogies from the adult children of these parents gutted me.

Many associates left when they became parents. The year after I left, the firm instituted a committee to explore ways to keep parents and a program to keep those who left engaged in the hopes that they'd come back some day.

Not all of those things are big. We work in big tech and small law, and we have a driver, one nanny, not really a chef, but someone who delivers meals that we can reheat, a weekly housekeeper, a gardener, and a responsive handyman. We don't drink. We spend a good amount of time with our kids. We use our nanny to clean and do their laundry, and we prioritize making it to as much of their stuff as we can. The big thing we are lacking is time for ourselves. Like, exercising 3 days a week is really hard right now, and I used to run two marathons a year before kids. If I quit, it would be to give myself time. I don't think that by working, I am failing my kids.

What’s your HHI to afford all of that? Sounds like it makes the day to day so much more stress free.

55k. Librarian, it didn't make any financial sense to keep working.

300k 14 years same company + dot com boom. Left in 2003 when pregnant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, the proportion of posters who say biglaw is out of wack. Why is that?

Because being a big law lawyer in DC kind of sucks. Most everyone I know hates or hated it. It's a grind, and for many people, it's not sustainable for any sort of work-life balance.

+1 and some of the posters, like me, are older. 20+ years ago when tech was not as advanced and remote work was what you did from an airplane on paper while traveling out of town to see a client in person. Investing in newly emerging tech (cell phones, lap tops, broadband) was very expensive, and law was slow to adopt.

Before I had kids, what I saw and learned from partners who were parents was not good. They delegated everything related to their lives outside of work, and in attempts to get home, sometimes delegated even more to the people who worked under them, making those lawyers lives even more miserable as you waited in the office for the partner to call in after the kids were in bed. Several only ever talked to thier kids by phone before bedtime. Partners had drivers for them and their kids, chefs, three shifts of nannies, housekeepers, and cleaners. Most ended up divorced. Everyone drank too much. I attended a few funerals where the eulogies from the adult children of these parents gutted me.

Many associates left when they became parents. The year after I left, the firm instituted a committee to explore ways to keep parents and a program to keep those who left engaged in the hopes that they'd come back some day.

Not all of those things are big. We work in big tech and small law, and we have a driver, one nanny, not really a chef, but someone who delivers meals that we can reheat, a weekly housekeeper, a gardener, and a responsive handyman. We don't drink. We spend a good amount of time with our kids. We use our nanny to clean and do their laundry, and we prioritize making it to as much of their stuff as we can. The big thing we are lacking is time for ourselves. Like, exercising 3 days a week is really hard right now, and I used to run two marathons a year before kids. If I quit, it would be to give myself time. I don't think that by working, I am failing my kids.

Anonymous wrote:I also think being attorney is way more all or nothing than some other careers. Sure, part time opportunities exist, but I know very few people who have them and feel that they are actually a downshift. Even lower paying lawyer jobs are still stressful.

- attorney who'd love to quit, haha

If you have your own book of business, you can start a practice or join a small practice on your terms. I'm not "part-time," but I only try to bill 1500 hours a year. I only go into an office once or twice a week. I wish I could just quit, but personal circumstances don't allow it, even though my spouse is a high earner.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, the proportion of posters who say biglaw is out of wack. Why is that?

Because being a big law lawyer in DC kind of sucks. Most everyone I know hates or hated it. It's a grind, and for many people, it's not sustainable for any sort of work-life balance.

+1 and some of the posters, like me, are older. 20+ years ago when tech was not as advanced and remote work was what you did from an airplane on paper while traveling out of town to see a client in person. Investing in newly emerging tech (cell phones, lap tops, broadband) was very expensive, and law was slow to adopt.

Before I had kids, what I saw and learned from partners who were parents was not good. They delegated everything related to their lives outside of work, and in attempts to get home, sometimes delegated even more to the people who worked under them, making those lawyers lives even more miserable as you waited in the office for the partner to call in after the kids were in bed. Several only ever talked to thier kids by phone before bedtime. Partners had drivers for them and their kids, chefs, three shifts of nannies, housekeepers, and cleaners. Most ended up divorced. Everyone drank too much. I attended a few funerals where the eulogies from the adult children of these parents gutted me.

Many associates left when they became parents. The year after I left, the firm instituted a committee to explore ways to keep parents and a program to keep those who left engaged in the hopes that they'd come back some day.

Anonymous wrote:20+ years ago, law partner, $250 base, plus equity bonus. At the time DH made less than I did (but now makes many multiples of that), so we walked away from the higher of our two salaries.

Yes, we are happy with our decision financially, and we would not change a thing. It's been a great run. Sure, we'd have a lot more money if I had kept working, but I cannot guarantee we'd have a happier life, and we love our life. We don't need more money.

And personally, I am a lot more fulfilled with the way I have been able to use my time and talents for others than I was when practicing law. I liked being a lawyer, but I love what I have have been able to do since resigning, and frankly it's better for world.

Would love to know what you have been doing!!

Op if you are asking for yourself, there are so many factors. Are you a brand new mom or are you years into it and struggling? How much of your HHI is your HHI? How hard is it to reenter into your industry? How does your DH feel about you leaving your job/how is your marriage?

Of course, you need to be able to afford it but if affording it is not the issue, money is a very small piece.

I left $185K job in 2025. I miss the paycheck and nervous about savings, but extra time with my highschooler is worth it. I also have a elementary student.

I can not imagine going back. I would be fine doing something part-time but that is it.

Anonymous wrote:$60k. No regrets. Went back to work when my kid was in high school.

Same. I stopped working in 2007 after an overseas move and went back to work last year after a surprise divorce – same salary, same field as when I left.

Anonymous wrote:I peaked at $180k, downshifted to $125k in hopes less responsibility and stress would be the solution (it wasn’t), then stayed at home the past 15 years. Zero regrets. The unfortunate truth that makes my feminist heart hurt is that my DH’s career was able to thrive and more than made up my income in a couple years and the kids were way better off. And our marriage and household thrived. And now my parents will benefit.
I would absolutely do it again and advise it to anyone for quality of life, but it also worked because 1) no surprises in the marriage and he’s still by favorite person 2) his career had that much potential to grow.

+1

Did similar 25+ years ago. Was earning $100K, knew spouse has the potential (and drive) for much more. Because SAHP and never looked back. Spouse advanced rapidly in the job, which would have happened no matter what. But it's much easier to advance when you don't have to worry about "anything outside of work"---no "I have to leave at 5pm to pickup the kids from daycare, or "nope I cannot travel this week as my wife has to travel that week for work". Our household thrived and have no regrets.
however, you cannot do this if you don't have a trustworthy spouse who fully supports this

Anonymous wrote:I also think being attorney is way more all or nothing than some other careers. Sure, part time opportunities exist, but I know very few people who have them and feel that they are actually a downshift. Even lower paying lawyer jobs are still stressful.

- attorney who'd love to quit, haha

As another attorney who would love to quit, I agree

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$60k. No regrets. Went back to work when my kid was in high school.

Same scenario.. 62K when I left working.

Which field are you in currently?

Elementary education

I also think being attorney is way more all or nothing than some other careers. Sure, part time opportunities exist, but I know very few people who have them and feel that they are actually a downshift. Even lower paying lawyer jobs are still stressful.

- attorney who'd love to quit, haha

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, the proportion of posters who say biglaw is out of wack. Why is that?

Because being a big law lawyer in DC kind of sucks. Most everyone I know hates or hated it. It's a grind, and for many people, it's not sustainable for any sort of work-life balance.

This.

m
Yep. It's got to be one of the most-quit jobs around 😅. Also going part time (and actually working part time) are somewhat unrealistic, at least it was back when I was practicing. I left 14 years ago, salary was $240,000.