Anonymous
01/04/2026 20:55
Subject: Re:Breaking up with my toxic mom group (Ashley Tisdale essay)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don't know one womens group that doesn’t eventually break up or splinter, for various reasons.
Even if they get together on occasion they are one big happy organism feeding positively off each other. They are many groups of 2 or 3 loosely connected to others.
Also friendship wax and wane that is life.
How do you get past 25 years old and not understand this.
Yeah. I kind of thought she really shot herself in the foot here by breaking off with every member of the group. She should have just spent more time with the people she got along with and less time with the larger group.
It’s weird to be half in and half out with a group. Better to have a clean break.
That sounds cultish.
Some friend groups are cultish.
I left a friend group once (way less dramatic than this) and maintained friendships with two of the women for a time. But when I saw them (separately, as they weren't close with each other), they both constantly wanted to talk about this group I no longer wanted to be part of. They just wanted to gossip about other women in the group. I was like "I'm trying to move on from this" and would change the subject to our jobs or kids or pop culture or hobbies, but they weren't trying to move on so it just didn't work.
Anonymous
01/04/2026 20:51
Subject: Breaking up with my toxic mom group (Ashley Tisdale essay)
Anonymous wrote:I’m honestly curious what happened because I think fame wise she is at the same level as Hillary and Mandy so I don’t think it’s that.
Famewise, yes, but both Hillary and Mandi have had recent hit shows (Younger and This Is Us, plus Hilary got the very sought after lead in the How I Met You Mother spinoff, even though it got canceled after one season). I bet there is some nuance with that and that Ashley is viewed as on a lower rung because if their respective careers post teen stardom.
Also I bet there is a money factor there. All of these women are rich but that makes the shades of gray worse because while the richest person in my friend group could, at most, pick up a fancy dinner at a nice restaurant for the group, at that level you're talking about vacation house in Aspen level of wealth and if the women use wealth/access as currency, that very quickly separates people into tiers.
Anonymous
01/04/2026 20:51
Subject: Re:Breaking up with my toxic mom group (Ashley Tisdale essay)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don't know one womens group that doesn’t eventually break up or splinter, for various reasons.
Even if they get together on occasion they are one big happy organism feeding positively off each other. They are many groups of 2 or 3 loosely connected to others.
Also friendship wax and wane that is life.
How do you get past 25 years old and not understand this.
Yeah. I kind of thought she really shot herself in the foot here by breaking off with every member of the group. She should have just spent more time with the people she got along with and less time with the larger group.
It’s weird to be half in and half out with a group. Better to have a clean break.
I’m going to say that you know more about this toxic mom-group stuff than I do.
Or maybe you do because why should she spend time with a larger group who generally excludes her and doesn’t invite her? That doesn’t sound like much fun.
No. It doesn’t. But someone sent her flowers and wants to be her friend. It’s better to have one friend than no friends.
No. You save the energy for better people. A friend who hangs out with people known to have snubbed you is no real friend.
I wouldn’t expect someone to stop hanging out with someone who didn’t invite me to a larger gathering. That sounds like 6th grade. I wouldn’t expect someone expect so-called friend to hang out with my separately and to stay silent on silly stuff that might still
Hurt my feelings.
Anonymous
01/04/2026 20:48
Subject: Re:Breaking up with my toxic mom group (Ashley Tisdale essay)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don't know one womens group that doesn’t eventually break up or splinter, for various reasons.
Even if they get together on occasion they are one big happy organism feeding positively off each other. They are many groups of 2 or 3 loosely connected to others.
Also friendship wax and wane that is life.
How do you get past 25 years old and not understand this.
Yeah. I kind of thought she really shot herself in the foot here by breaking off with every member of the group. She should have just spent more time with the people she got along with and less time with the larger group.
It’s weird to be half in and half out with a group. Better to have a clean break.
That sounds cultish.
Anonymous
01/04/2026 20:42
Subject: Breaking up with my toxic mom group (Ashley Tisdale essay)
I’m honestly curious what happened because I think fame wise she is at the same level as Hillary and Mandy so I don’t think it’s that.
Anonymous
01/04/2026 20:32
Subject: Breaking up with my toxic mom group (Ashley Tisdale essay)
Anonymous wrote:I first read about this on Reddit and people were saying the mom group was lead by Hilary Duff and also included Mandy Moore, and possibly/likely Meghan Trainor and Lea Michele. And some women who were likely not famous but were rich and well-connected, either from their husbands or from their own work as celeb stylists, influencers, etc. So a real group of A-listers …
It sounded like Ashley came late to the group and was a fringe friend/member or the queen bees Hilary and Mandy didn’t really care for her too much and wouldn’t let her into the “inner circle.” Tale as old as time! She was right to extract herself from the group when she did.
Ugh, that's such a miserable spot to be in -- excited to have new friends, getting invited to things by a few people in the group who appear to really like you, only to find out that some core members of the group do NOT want you. It sucks because if you weren't being invited into the group by some members, you wouldn't have bothered. It winds up being unnecessary rejection.
And experiencing that as a newish mom would be worse because that's such a weird time as you adjust to a new identity. A lot of moms (me included) spend those first few years of motherhood feeling a little insecure and in need of validation, and it would just be a particularly hard time to feel rejected.
Anonymous
01/04/2026 19:32
Subject: Breaking up with my toxic mom group (Ashley Tisdale essay)
Anonymous wrote:I first read about this on Reddit and people were saying the mom group was lead by Hilary Duff and also included Mandy Moore, and possibly/likely Meghan Trainor and Lea Michele. And some women who were likely not famous but were rich and well-connected, either from their husbands or from their own work as celeb stylists, influencers, etc. So a real group of A-listers …
It sounded like Ashley came late to the group and was a fringe friend/member or the queen bees Hilary and Mandy didn’t really care for her too much and wouldn’t let her into the “inner circle.” Tale as old as time! She was right to extract herself from the group when she did.
I wonder if Emily from the old Cupcakes and Cashmere blog is part of mom group? And is this the same group that sort of kicked Minka Kelly out because they started having kids and she didn't?
Anonymous
01/04/2026 19:25
Subject: Breaking up with my toxic mom group (Ashley Tisdale essay)
How lucky to make it to 40 without having had enough experience with this dynamic to spot it from a mile away.
Anonymous
01/04/2026 18:57
Subject: Breaking up with my toxic mom group (Ashley Tisdale essay)
I first read about this on Reddit and people were saying the mom group was lead by Hilary Duff and also included Mandy Moore, and possibly/likely Meghan Trainor and Lea Michele. And some women who were likely not famous but were rich and well-connected, either from their husbands or from their own work as celeb stylists, influencers, etc. So a real group of A-listers …
It sounded like Ashley came late to the group and was a fringe friend/member or the queen bees Hilary and Mandy didn’t really care for her too much and wouldn’t let her into the “inner circle.” Tale as old as time! She was right to extract herself from the group when she did.
It sounded like Ashley came late to the group and was a fringe friend/member or the queen bees Hilary and Mandy didn’t really care for her too much and wouldn’t let her into the “inner circle.” Tale as old as time! She was right to extract herself from the group when she did.
Anonymous
01/04/2026 18:42
Subject: Breaking up with my toxic mom group (Ashley Tisdale essay)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I find people calling others toxic are actually the toxic ones (not to get too DARVO about it)
My impression is that she wasn't calling the people toxic (except maybe one) but was saying the dynamic was toxic, with unspoken hierarchies and people being excluding and not communicating well.
I find that relatable. I was on the fringes of a friend group at one point where I genuinely liked a lot of the people in the group but the social dynamic just felt bad a lot. Not just for me but for others as well -- there was constantly drama with people feeling left out or certain things. There was also this cycle of gossip that people could not seem to curb. It never started as regular gossip, but as people talking about friends out of "concern." But this became a cover story for very nasty gossip (what starts as "I'm concerned about Kelly, she's so stressed with the twins and her husband doesn't to help at all" can become some people reveling in trashing Kelly's marriage and feeling smug about their own, even though you are still claiming not to be gossiping but just discussing her out of "concern"). It's gross.
It doesn't mean the people involved are inherently toxic. Sometimes the situation brings out the worst in people. Maybe it brought out the worst in Ashley and that was specifically why she decided to remove herself. I definitely felt better off once I had extracted myself from the group I was in like this, even though I think most of the people were good people. I wish I could have been friends with them under other circumstances.
Wow so much response to my one little sentence. Clearly hit a nerve with you. Ashley did call out toxicity, which is what I said. And she's MAGA so bye girl. Unleashed article for everyone to read: https://archive.ph/uuSMe
I do have lots of thoughts on this! I have been through something similar so yes, it strikes a nerve and I have a lot of thoughts on it. I just disagree with your viewpoint. She called the group toxic, not the individuals. I found your comment overly simplistic based on what she wrote.
And she's not MAGA -- not being excited when a person is murdered in front of a crowd of people doesn't make you MAGA, even if that person is Charlie Kirk. She stated clearly that she disagreed with Kirk's views but was just horrified by the violence.
Anonymous
01/04/2026 18:33
Subject: Breaking up with my toxic mom group (Ashley Tisdale essay)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I find people calling others toxic are actually the toxic ones (not to get too DARVO about it)
My impression is that she wasn't calling the people toxic (except maybe one) but was saying the dynamic was toxic, with unspoken hierarchies and people being excluding and not communicating well.
I find that relatable. I was on the fringes of a friend group at one point where I genuinely liked a lot of the people in the group but the social dynamic just felt bad a lot. Not just for me but for others as well -- there was constantly drama with people feeling left out or certain things. There was also this cycle of gossip that people could not seem to curb. It never started as regular gossip, but as people talking about friends out of "concern." But this became a cover story for very nasty gossip (what starts as "I'm concerned about Kelly, she's so stressed with the twins and her husband doesn't to help at all" can become some people reveling in trashing Kelly's marriage and feeling smug about their own, even though you are still claiming not to be gossiping but just discussing her out of "concern"). It's gross.
It doesn't mean the people involved are inherently toxic. Sometimes the situation brings out the worst in people. Maybe it brought out the worst in Ashley and that was specifically why she decided to remove herself. I definitely felt better off once I had extracted myself from the group I was in like this, even though I think most of the people were good people. I wish I could have been friends with them under other circumstances.
Wow so much response to my one little sentence. Clearly hit a nerve with you. Ashley did call out toxicity, which is what I said. And she's MAGA so bye girl. Unleashed article for everyone to read: https://archive.ph/uuSMe
Anonymous
01/04/2026 16:47
Subject: Breaking up with my toxic mom group (Ashley Tisdale essay)
Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I find people calling others toxic are actually the toxic ones (not to get too DARVO about it)
My impression is that she wasn't calling the people toxic (except maybe one) but was saying the dynamic was toxic, with unspoken hierarchies and people being excluding and not communicating well.
I find that relatable. I was on the fringes of a friend group at one point where I genuinely liked a lot of the people in the group but the social dynamic just felt bad a lot. Not just for me but for others as well -- there was constantly drama with people feeling left out or certain things. There was also this cycle of gossip that people could not seem to curb. It never started as regular gossip, but as people talking about friends out of "concern." But this became a cover story for very nasty gossip (what starts as "I'm concerned about Kelly, she's so stressed with the twins and her husband doesn't to help at all" can become some people reveling in trashing Kelly's marriage and feeling smug about their own, even though you are still claiming not to be gossiping but just discussing her out of "concern"). It's gross.
It doesn't mean the people involved are inherently toxic. Sometimes the situation brings out the worst in people. Maybe it brought out the worst in Ashley and that was specifically why she decided to remove herself. I definitely felt better off once I had extracted myself from the group I was in like this, even though I think most of the people were good people. I wish I could have been friends with them under other circumstances.
Anonymous
01/04/2026 16:31
Subject: Re:Breaking up with my toxic mom group (Ashley Tisdale essay)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don't know one womens group that doesn’t eventually break up or splinter, for various reasons.
Even if they get together on occasion they are one big happy organism feeding positively off each other. They are many groups of 2 or 3 loosely connected to others.
Also friendship wax and wane that is life.
How do you get past 25 years old and not understand this.
Yeah. I kind of thought she really shot herself in the foot here by breaking off with every member of the group. She should have just spent more time with the people she got along with and less time with the larger group.
It’s weird to be half in and half out with a group. Better to have a clean break.
I’m going to say that you know more about this toxic mom-group stuff than I do.
Or maybe you do because why should she spend time with a larger group who generally excludes her and doesn’t invite her? That doesn’t sound like much fun.
No. It doesn’t. But someone sent her flowers and wants to be her friend. It’s better to have one friend than no friends.
No. You save the energy for better people. A friend who hangs out with people known to have snubbed you is no real friend.
Okay. You win.
Anonymous
01/04/2026 16:29
Subject: Re:Breaking up with my toxic mom group (Ashley Tisdale essay)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don't know one womens group that doesn’t eventually break up or splinter, for various reasons.
Even if they get together on occasion they are one big happy organism feeding positively off each other. They are many groups of 2 or 3 loosely connected to others.
Also friendship wax and wane that is life.
How do you get past 25 years old and not understand this.
Yeah. I kind of thought she really shot herself in the foot here by breaking off with every member of the group. She should have just spent more time with the people she got along with and less time with the larger group.
It’s weird to be half in and half out with a group. Better to have a clean break.
I’m going to say that you know more about this toxic mom-group stuff than I do.
Or maybe you do because why should she spend time with a larger group who generally excludes her and doesn’t invite her? That doesn’t sound like much fun.
No. It doesn’t. But someone sent her flowers and wants to be her friend. It’s better to have one friend than no friends.
Didn’t that person ignore her when she tried to thank her for the flowers? These are not her friends or her people which is why she broke up with them.
Anonymous
01/04/2026 16:27
Subject: Re:Breaking up with my toxic mom group (Ashley Tisdale essay)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don't know one womens group that doesn’t eventually break up or splinter, for various reasons.
Even if they get together on occasion they are one big happy organism feeding positively off each other. They are many groups of 2 or 3 loosely connected to others.
Also friendship wax and wane that is life.
How do you get past 25 years old and not understand this.
Yeah. I kind of thought she really shot herself in the foot here by breaking off with every member of the group. She should have just spent more time with the people she got along with and less time with the larger group.
It’s weird to be half in and half out with a group. Better to have a clean break.
I’m going to say that you know more about this toxic mom-group stuff than I do.
Or maybe you do because why should she spend time with a larger group who generally excludes her and doesn’t invite her? That doesn’t sound like much fun.
No. It doesn’t. But someone sent her flowers and wants to be her friend. It’s better to have one friend than no friends.
No. You save the energy for better people. A friend who hangs out with people known to have snubbed you is no real friend.