Anonymous wrote:What? She's an adult.

You don't do anything. Anything you could do should have been done years ago. At this point, she learns her own lessons.

Anonymous wrote:My mother sounds like your daughter, and she never learned how to quit her behavior and words. She thinks she’s funny by insulting people. It took years for me to unlearn her behavior. I suggest telling her directly to tone down her behavior and watch what she says.

Anonymous wrote:DD will have a learning experience.

If she goes on a job interview and says "wow you are SO pregnant you look like you will pop" then that has consequences. It's not "speaking her mind" on an issue, it's rude, crude, self sabotaging.

If she gets a job and says things to get attention she will create a toxic environment and get canned.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I, too, am more concerned by your daughter’s cruelty to those around her. There’s a time and place for brutal honesty, and a first impression with her person’s parents is certainly not it. Tell her to do better, and caution her to exercise restraint. Here’s a fun exercise. If DD would say it to her grandparents, then by all means encourage her to belt it out. If not, clam up.

OP here. You make some good points, I have tried to encourage her to avoid brutal honesty and unkind language but as parents we can only do so much, right? As for the grandparents: I would love that idea except I don’t think it be helpful in this particular situation because when she’s around her grandparents let’s just say she REALLY lets looose.

I don't understand why you don't like honesty.

Don't be obtuse. Everyone likes honesty. But "brutal honesty" is often just cruelty under the guise of "I'm just being honest." Not everything needs to be said out loud.

+1

If the grandparents are loving people who are not problematic, I don't understand why OP doesn't pull up DD short and let her know that speaking disrespectfully in a way that upsets them is unacceptable and won't be tolerated. This should have happen years ago. Instead, OP figuratively shrugs and casually observes that her daughter "REALLY let's loose" when she's around grandparents. That is such gross behavior, OP. You have done your child no favors in allowing her to grow up this way. It isn't "honesty" to habitually in a way that will hurt or upset old people who love you, it is cruel and really uncouth, and people are going to be judging your daughter (and you, for raising her this way) for a long time to come. You have handicapped her, in a way, with your obtuse lenience, and now she's an adult whose behavior is going to alienate others and burn professional bridges. You really messed up as a parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I, too, am more concerned by your daughter’s cruelty to those around her. There’s a time and place for brutal honesty, and a first impression with her person’s parents is certainly not it. Tell her to do better, and caution her to exercise restraint. Here’s a fun exercise. If DD would say it to her grandparents, then by all means encourage her to belt it out. If not, clam up.

OP here. You make some good points, I have tried to encourage her to avoid brutal honesty and unkind language but as parents we can only do so much, right? As for the grandparents: I would love that idea except I don’t think it be helpful in this particular situation because when she’s around her grandparents let’s just say she REALLY lets looose.

I don't understand why you don't like honesty.

Don't be obtuse. Everyone likes honesty. But "brutal honesty" is often just cruelty under the guise of "I'm just being honest." Not everything needs to be said out loud.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I, too, am more concerned by your daughter’s cruelty to those around her. There’s a time and place for brutal honesty, and a first impression with her person’s parents is certainly not it. Tell her to do better, and caution her to exercise restraint. Here’s a fun exercise. If DD would say it to her grandparents, then by all means encourage her to belt it out. If not, clam up.

OP here. You make some good points, I have tried to encourage her to avoid brutal honesty and unkind language but as parents we can only do so much, right? As for the grandparents: I would love that idea except I don’t think it be helpful in this particular situation because when she’s around her grandparents let’s just say she REALLY lets looose.

I don't understand why you don't like honesty.

Don't be obtuse. Everyone likes honesty. But "brutal honesty" is often just cruelty under the guise of "I'm just being honest." Not everything needs to be said out loud.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I, too, am more concerned by your daughter’s cruelty to those around her. There’s a time and place for brutal honesty, and a first impression with her person’s parents is certainly not it. Tell her to do better, and caution her to exercise restraint. Here’s a fun exercise. If DD would say it to her grandparents, then by all means encourage her to belt it out. If not, clam up.

OP here. You make some good points, I have tried to encourage her to avoid brutal honesty and unkind language but as parents we can only do so much, right? As for the grandparents: I would love that idea except I don’t think it be helpful in this particular situation because when she’s around her grandparents let’s just say she REALLY lets looose.

I don't understand why you don't like honesty.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I, too, am more concerned by your daughter’s cruelty to those around her. There’s a time and place for brutal honesty, and a first impression with her person’s parents is certainly not it. Tell her to do better, and caution her to exercise restraint. Here’s a fun exercise. If DD would say it to her grandparents, then by all means encourage her to belt it out. If not, clam up.

OP here. You make some good points, I have tried to encourage her to avoid brutal honesty and unkind language but as parents we can only do so much, right? As for the grandparents: I would love that idea except I don’t think it be helpful in this particular situation because when she’s around her grandparents let’s just say she REALLY lets looose.

Anonymous wrote:DD 22 is in her first serious, long-term committed relationship. She is going to meet her boyfriend’s folks for the first time in a week. She is worried because she knows them to be pretty conservative on some matters. I personally am more worried because my daughter is REALLY uninhibited, even around people who are older or who she should respect. She’ll say anything for a laugh or a reaction. Once she announced to her friend’s mother that the mother was “never not pregnant”. Another time she laughingly told a new neighbor that she was “so insane”. I’m scared that she’ll really dial up the rudeness and loudmouthedness with the parents and they won’t be endeared to her. How do I stop this from being an issue?