I have an only who is pretty easy but we don’t have family nearby and she was over one year old before both my husband and I had a day off together without work or childcare. I felt overwhelmed a lot. It didn’t diminish my love or care for my child, but I still felt stressed out sometimes by the loss of sleep and recovery time from work. I think that’s normal. No big deal, op. It’s okay for me to feel tired.

I just can't imagine judging someone like this. My best friend struggled with severe post partum anxiety so.yes, everything felt overwhelming because her brain wasn't working correctly. She took medication and got better.

Almost anything can be pretty easy if you lower your standards enough.

My first kid is really, really, really, really, really really difficult.

The next child was so freaking easy I thought to myself oh, this is how people have multiple children.

So I went on to have multiple children, but I never thought it was my parenting that made that possible. I always knew it was the kids temperament.

So I wonder why the universe gave me that difficult child it was so I didn’t end up like you.

I can’t even imagine what a snotty self-important a hole I would be without that first child.

When I had one and was overwhelmed, I thought something was wrong with me. Nothing was wrong with me. In my experience:

1) having a lazy, inept, ADHD, AuDHD, or workaholic DH can make one child overwhelming because you really have two children and one of them creates a huge amount of work. And it’s not the baby.

2) when you have more than one kid, it’s often deliberate even if it’s unconscious because you have extra hands and a village so you know you can handle it. I don’t know anyone with more than 2 kids who doesn’t have local grandparents, a nanny, local adult siblings, and who grew up nearby so has long term friends and an extended network to lean on. Everyone I know with an only is a transplant or their parents are dead.

3) if you ask for help with one kid, people give you a hard time. If you ask for help with multiple kids, everyone steps up many times over because they think you deserve than help. Comments like “it must be so easy having just one” come in hard and fast from day 1 and as a mom of an only you learn fast than you’ll receive social censure or pushback if you express needing help with your only.

OP,

Tip: complaints do not correlate with suffering, but with personality.

Your homework for 2026:
1. Study the immense variability of the human experience.
2. Notice the wide range of functionalities of their brains and the personalities they were born with.
3. Observe how certain people never complain yet struggle silently and how some people complain constantly yet live in privilege.

We all have inattentive ADHD and various shades of autism in the family, and we're all quiet, calm, people who aren't given to complaining. My two children have always been "easy", in that they were never destructive or moody. But for the first 18 years of our son's life, our lives revolved around his needs. He needed extensive therapies, tutoring and round-the-clock handholding. Sweet-tempered boy... but so many issues.

It's amazing how much bandwidth I have for so many other things now that's he clawed his way into college and is surviving on his own! Do I complain about all these years spent raising him so he could be a somewhat functional young adult? No! It was well worth it.

I would have dearly loved more children, despite the risks of having more ADHD/autistic kids, but sadly my body decided against it.

Op, please tell us ALL your parenting wisdom. I’m sure that despite having three young kids you are probably an expert in parenting teens as well, for example!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a SAHM?

Op here - no I work full time. And yes I realize for the most part my kids are easy but kids, especially newborns through toddler years are all sort of the same. They demand a lot and are physically taxing.

Again I would never say this out loud (hence the anonymous board post) but I still think. I have done solo trips and outings with my kids since they were babies.

This says a lot about you.

It says a lot about her kids.

Both. They are easy and she is smug.

How do you have 3 kids and not realize that kids are also so different? Yes, even at the baby and toddler stage.

I also have 3.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how it can be so difficult with just one or two kid. I have 3 and at one point had a newborn, 3 year old and 4 year old. I did 75% of things solo when DH was in the office.

Every time one of my kids is at a playdate or with friends and I only have 2 kids it feels like I have all this extra time and it’s so easy.

I feel bad and would never vocalize this since most of my friends have only 1 or 2 kids but whenever they complain at how hard it is I am always so confused. I don’t find 3 very difficult either and have always wanted more but that probably won’t happen.

Only the very best moms of 3 have time to post ragebait on DCUM at dinner time 🥹

Lol. Perfection.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a SAHM?

Op here - no I work full time. And yes I realize for the most part my kids are easy but kids, especially newborns through toddler years are all sort of the same. They demand a lot and are physically taxing.

Again I would never say this out loud (hence the anonymous board post) but I still think. I have done solo trips and outings with my kids since they were babies.

If you work full time, how are you doing "75% of things" with the kids when "DH is in the office."

Are you a troll, OP? I smell a troll...

Op - I am not a troll. When I am working kids are either in daycare or school. When they arent in school I take care of them.

NP. You are very clearly a troll.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a SAHM?

Op here - no I work full time. And yes I realize for the most part my kids are easy but kids, especially newborns through toddler years are all sort of the same. They demand a lot and are physically taxing.

Again I would never say this out loud (hence the anonymous board post) but I still think. I have done solo trips and outings with my kids since they were babies.

If you work full time, how are you doing "75% of things" with the kids when "DH is in the office."

Are you a troll, OP? I smell a troll...

Op - I am not a troll. When I am working kids are either in daycare or school. When they arent in school I take care of them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a SAHM?

Op here - no I work full time. And yes I realize for the most part my kids are easy but kids, especially newborns through toddler years are all sort of the same. They demand a lot and are physically taxing.

Again I would never say this out loud (hence the anonymous board post) but I still think. I have done solo trips and outings with my kids since they were babies.

If you work full time, how are you doing "75% of things" with the kids when "DH is in the office."

Are you a troll, OP? I smell a troll...

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how it can be so difficult with just one or two kid. I have 3 and at one point had a newborn, 3 year old and 4 year old. I did 75% of things solo when DH was in the office.

Every time one of my kids is at a playdate or with friends and I only have 2 kids it feels like I have all this extra time and it’s so easy.

I feel bad and would never vocalize this since most of my friends have only 1 or 2 kids but whenever they complain at how hard it is I am always so confused. I don’t find 3 very difficult either and have always wanted more but that probably won’t happen.

Why do you need to understand?

Anonymous wrote:Wow. You are amazing. Do you have help? Have to do elderly care? Health issues for you or the kids? Financial issues? Most kids of three I see one is neglected and ignored for the favorite kids.

This. I can almost guarantee that the oldest is so lonely and wants you to get off DCUM and spend some time with him/her/them. Put the phone down and focus on being mother of the year.