Anonymous wrote:Not OP: My problem is that no one discusses gift giving and then shows up with gifts. My sil has brought small gifts to Xmas Eve but if we don't discuss before I don't bring anything, so there I was with nothing last night while she and mil lined the living room with little bags.


I don't appreciate the "assumption" that gifts will be given.

Respectfully, as a fellow Catholic, the fact that gifts are not discussed and then everyone brings gifts, means that the default and expected standard in your family is to give gifts, even without discussion

Yes, the work gifts were a surprise, that’s fair, but family gifts are expected of everyone in your family.

There are plenty of gifts that fall within Laudato Si, you have to make an effort to get them

I told my family and friends in September that I would not be doing gift exchanges with them going forward unless we happened to be local. Nonetheless, three of them (women) decided to send us gifts anyway. Now I have candy and cookies (they all know we are dieting), home decor items, gadgets and ornaments I need to figure out what to do with because they like to shop. It's inconsiderate and I am expected to acknowledge and thank them for their gifts.

We constantly ask my ILs not to buys us stuff for the house because we have way too much stuff and are constantly battling clutter with young kids who are constantly bringing home school papers, goody bags etc. We just unwrapped a set of LARGE animal figurines that our children are in love with and immediately named. My MIL also gave my husband a large personalized and sentimental gift that he is so mad about. I don’t think we could be more clear. I am pretty comfortable tossing stuff (if the alternative is being mad) but my husband has not yet reached that stage.

Anonymous wrote:Little kids don’t really care what they get. They’re mostly happy to have something to unwrap. A significant portion of the gifts under our tree are things we would buy for the kids anyway, like a bike helmet, pajamas, snow boots, etc.

This. I added random consumable treats to the gifts like a couple of those individual cereal boxes and other individual serving sizes of snacks they like.

We are approaching retirement and trying to downsize our household and most of these gifts are just more clutter. I feel guilty donating gifts. I have shelves of boxed gadgets, small appliances, candles and bowls, glasses - unused. All gifts. Wasted money. Future landfill.

We want to stop the gift exchanges except for grand children, but there are too many compulsive shoppers that love to shop. Stop the insanity!

You're not a minimalist; you are a recovering shopaholic.

^ my family would be horrified by it

Anonymous wrote:Instead of buying gifts that would be useless and unwanted, I started a savings account for DC and deposited all of the small but generous Christmas and birthday checks given to DC by family (grandparents, uncle, etc). It's all added up and DC is graduating college and has the cash to buy a very nice new car. Just make sure they have presents to unwrap, but the key is not in excess!

Most families don’t give $

Anonymous wrote:I think you all will understand what just happened here.

My MIL knows I like simplicity. We joke about it sometimes - like the fact that I have all “boring” white platters while she has ones with designs for each holiday. It’s a space thing and just personal preference. She has a butler’s pantry and can fit all the things, but I have a galley kitchen.

She showed up with a Ninja Creami for us. If you haven’t seen one, it’s a bit larger than a blender and it makes ice cream/sorbet.

My kitchen is tiny. Where the does she think this thing is going?

I get it, op. I live in a small apartment while my in laws live in a suburban McMansion. They are always buying me things I literally can’t fit in my space. They - and apparently other people on this thread- don’t understand that not all of us have an extra basement or garage to put things in.

Ditto. My in laws love to give a lot of small cute but useless gifts. We agree every year not to do this, but then they do it anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you buying all of this stuff? And you expect to get rid of most of it in 6 months? You’re part of the problem.

I bought a few items for each child that I knew they wanted. DH “surprised” me with a bunch of stuff, including a bunch of books for me that he knows I don’t have time to read. I now mostly listen to audiobooks when I’m doing laundry, dishes, etc. Then my mom asked the children what they wanted and she sent a bunch of presents.

I don't think other adults should ask kids directly what they want, they should ask the parents. Kids might ask for things that you don't think they should have, or kids will tell the same thing to multiple people and wind up with duplicates. Ultimately, you should have a say in what comes into your home and what your children should be allowed to have.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:get over yourself. do you take airplane flights? drive when you technically could make the bus and train work? these toys, even if directly sent to landfill, do not matter.

if it makes your minimalist aesthetic look bad, make them keep in their bedroom.

I don't understand this part?

owning a car and driving to work/groceries etc have a much greater impact than public transit. realistically most people could take the bus and train almost anywhere, but would take 2x or 3x the time

Yes. Money saves time. The poor spend much longer commuting, going to medical appointments than the well off do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:get over yourself. do you take airplane flights? drive when you technically could make the bus and train work? these toys, even if directly sent to landfill, do not matter.

if it makes your minimalist aesthetic look bad, make them keep in their bedroom.

I don't understand this part?

owning a car and driving to work/groceries etc have a much greater impact than public transit. realistically most people could take the bus and train almost anywhere, but would take 2x or 3x the time

Instead of buying gifts that would be useless and unwanted, I started a savings account for DC and deposited all of the small but generous Christmas and birthday checks given to DC by family (grandparents, uncle, etc). It's all added up and DC is graduating college and has the cash to buy a very nice new car. Just make sure they have presents to unwrap, but the key is not in excess!

You buy stuff and then whine about it. Got it.