I write out various chores on index cards and say “pick two” or “pick one” depending on how much the kids have going on. The expectation is they need to contribute to our family but also gives them some agency. I’ll say “must be done by 8” or whatever. Walking the dog once/day is on top of this. Even on the busiest days, a kid can do 1 thing. In the summer they do more, sometimes with an incentive at the end, sometimes not.

Also connection is key—the more connected you are, the less fuss you will get. And id be real honest about what you have on your plate like someone mentioned.

Also the 10 minute pick up that someone mentioned helps immensely

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Family meeting. Put the question to them—I understand you’re unhappy with clutter in house. Let’s discuss options and you dam choice — you can quit an EC, we can regime dog, you can agree to do vacuuming on weekends, we can reallocate money from vacation fund to house cleaning etc. the idea is to come up with a mutually acceptable option.
I have kids like this and just asking or telling them to do something doesn’t work. But if it’s their idea that they come to after consideration of options and for which they can determine the schedule and otherwise have some control over it…. That works somewhat better.

Great way to raise a narcissist

My thought exactly. This is why we have such trouble dealing with new graduates in the work place. They think everything is up for discussion, and if they don't think it's a good idea to do something they don't.

That is not how life works in the real world.

Cook and prep enough for 2 nights every other night. Grilled chicken, salad, rice, beans, soup, stew, etc. start regimenting meals - stir fry Monday, Taco Tuesday, etc, you don’t need to be creative every night.

Anonymous wrote:Wanting healthy food is fair enough.

Cleaning common space is up to them if they want it.

No it’s not fair enough that she wants healthy food but doesn’t lift a finger. She can go shopping with her mother because I’m assuming the mother shops and cooks. They can shop together and she can choose what she believes is healthy. Then when the mother is cooking she can take out the ingredients in a salad for example and tell the child that this is healthy and she can put it together while mom works on something else.

The mom can also take what the child owns and is added to clutter in common space and put it outside her bedroom door. Do that with everyone’s stuff.

The OP has a complainer and it takes patience to deal with them.

Anonymous wrote:Could you work with them to figure out a rotation of five easy dinners that meet their needs? Maybe they're just suggesting complicated things because they don't understand how difficult they are - finding some crock pot recipes or doing some meal prepping on weekends could help. I've been loving super cubes "duplo dinners" and Costco has an affordable knock off set right now that could help you get started. Good luck!

Looking into this. I had to look up duplo dinner!

Could you work with them to figure out a rotation of five easy dinners that meet their needs? Maybe they're just suggesting complicated things because they don't understand how difficult they are - finding some crock pot recipes or doing some meal prepping on weekends could help. I've been loving super cubes "duplo dinners" and Costco has an affordable knock off set right now that could help you get started. Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Family meeting on Saturday mornings. IF kid sleeps in or misses it, then they forfeit the right to complain.

Have a large calendar:
-Make a meal plan for the following week. Mark on calendar.
-List events such as practices, games, evening meetings
-Name the one night kid is making meal
-Make a grocery shopping list. Go shopping either Sat or Sun.
-Do some meal prep for the week on Sunday. Kid could prep some protein bowls.
-Every night, set timer for 10 minutes to straighten up clutter.

Ooh you are good. This is awesome.

Happy to help. I love the person that suggested the cleaning person.

One more thing: invest in a set of small glass dishes with the snap lids. Those are a must for meal planning. Here’s a set on Amazon: https://a.co/d/bboviyV

Sounds good, thank you for the real world suggestions!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Family meeting on Saturday mornings. IF kid sleeps in or misses it, then they forfeit the right to complain.

Have a large calendar:
-Make a meal plan for the following week. Mark on calendar.
-List events such as practices, games, evening meetings
-Name the one night kid is making meal
-Make a grocery shopping list. Go shopping either Sat or Sun.
-Do some meal prep for the week on Sunday. Kid could prep some protein bowls.
-Every night, set timer for 10 minutes to straighten up clutter.

Ooh you are good. This is awesome.

Happy to help. I love the person that suggested the cleaning person.

One more thing: invest in a set of small glass dishes with the snap lids. Those are a must for meal planning. Here’s a set on Amazon: https://a.co/d/bboviyV

Anonymous wrote:Family meeting on Saturday mornings. IF kid sleeps in or misses it, then they forfeit the right to complain.

Have a large calendar:
-Make a meal plan for the following week. Mark on calendar.
-List events such as practices, games, evening meetings
-Name the one night kid is making meal
-Make a grocery shopping list. Go shopping either Sat or Sun.
-Do some meal prep for the week on Sunday. Kid could prep some protein bowls.
-Every night, set timer for 10 minutes to straighten up clutter.

Ooh you are good. This is awesome.