I’m with OP. Failed at everything significant in life. The only saving grace is that my kids are/will be successful.

You’re not alone, OP.

Awww, OP. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. Love yourself. You deserve it.

Anonymous wrote:Beck made a song about this

Oh come on down

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You mean the world to your mom and dad. Don't break their hearts.

I really, really don't. They barely think of me. My dad, in particular, has absolutely no attachment to me whatsoever.

Maybe he had some mental disorders like Asperger’s/ autism and really could not connect with people or do things.

Look it up, there are support groups and it’s eye opening to realize that may have been what you were going through: an AS/NT parent child relationship, where few of your needs were being met

Other people may have experienced it, but it doesn't fix it. Once you've had a childhood where you are unloved by your parents, that's just baked in for the rest of your life. You can't undo it.

Is it possible to try to develop an active relationship with your younger self? Can you write that kid a letter — or several — and tell her what you needed to hear then, and didn’t? Can you get her little gifts today that may seem silly, but that close the loop on some decades-old longings? I have done that — and I think it helps. It reminded me that I was once this open-hearted little kid whose needs weren’t being met. Being kind to that kid helped me be a little kinder to Today Me.

OP, many of us have these voices in our heads. The voice that tells you that you are a loser is incorrect, but it is, in a weird way, trying to help. It is trying to protect you (perhaps from getting your hopes up, then having your hopes dashed). If you already “know” you are a loser, then no one can hurt you by calling you that.

But here is the problem: that voice knows only one script. It can say one sentence only, and it says it over and over again (“you have to know you’re a loser, so no one can hurt you by telling you that you’re a loser.”). Maybe it knows variations of that sentence, but it always and only offers the same message. So it doesn’t matter who you are, or what you do right, it will keep repeating that word.

I have found it helps to give the voice a name. Turn it into a character — one whose motives might be protective but whose methods are all wrong. You can’t keep the character out of your life, you can’t help hearing its voice, but you can say, “okay, Patty, but you’d say that no matter WHAT I did, so I’m not sure you’re a reliable narrator here.”

If you are willing, I’d love to hear something you did well, or that you did right. It can be something small — you pet a cat, you organized a drawer, you washed your socks in the last month. I’ll bet there are many things. Heck, I’ll name something you did right: you articulated something many of us feel, and in so doing, you reminded us not to trust the cruelest voices in our heads. So thank you for that,

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I try to distract myself from that fact but it's the truth. I'm a loser. People don't really think much of me, and for good reason. I'm not interesting or charismatic, I don't do anything of consequence, I have not accomplished anything of note in my life. Loser, loser, loser.

Loser.

Omg, I thought about posting this same thing at 3 this AM. I hope we are just depressed. We can’t all e losers.

I'm sorry to hear that PP. If it helps at all, my first thought on reading your post was that you couldn't possibly be a loser. I recognize the irony there.

- OP

This post of yours tells me you're not a loser at all OP.

Thank you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I try to distract myself from that fact but it's the truth. I'm a loser. People don't really think much of me, and for good reason. I'm not interesting or charismatic, I don't do anything of consequence, I have not accomplished anything of note in my life. Loser, loser, loser.

Loser.

Omg, I thought about posting this same thing at 3 this AM. I hope we are just depressed. We can’t all e losers.

I'm sorry to hear that PP. If it helps at all, my first thought on reading your post was that you couldn't possibly be a loser. I recognize the irony there.

- OP

This post of yours tells me you're not a loser at all OP.

OP, there is nothing in your post that indicates you are a loser.

Also, the people who feel they are “winning” are rarely doing anything of consequence. Or worse, they are doing things that make humanity worse off in the long run.
So I have a job that pays pretty well and I live in a nice house. So what? What matters is how I treat and care for people in my life, near and far.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I try to distract myself from that fact but it's the truth. I'm a loser. People don't really think much of me, and for good reason. I'm not interesting or charismatic, I don't do anything of consequence, I have not accomplished anything of note in my life. Loser, loser, loser.

Loser.

Omg, I thought about posting this same thing at 3 this AM. I hope we are just depressed. We can’t all e losers.

I'm sorry to hear that PP. If it helps at all, my first thought on reading your post was that you couldn't possibly be a loser. I recognize the irony there.

- OP

Anonymous wrote:I try to distract myself from that fact but it's the truth. I'm a loser. People don't really think much of me, and for good reason. I'm not interesting or charismatic, I don't do anything of consequence, I have not accomplished anything of note in my life. Loser, loser, loser.

Loser.

Omg, I thought about posting this same thing at 3 this AM. I hope we are just depressed. We can’t all e losers.

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised no one has chimed in with agreement or to judge you, actual dcum losers are slipping.

Op, could these feelings be related to PMS? It gets me every month intensely for a couple of days.

They did, but thankfully people reported those comments and they got removed. Thanks to those of you who did that, really.

It is probably partially hormone related, partially time of year (holidays bring up feelings of childhood and increase interaction with peers, leading to thinking about negative things and comparing myself to others). Having to make small talk at social events highlights the things I don't want to think about.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You mean the world to your mom and dad. Don't break their hearts.

I really, really don't. They barely think of me. My dad, in particular, has absolutely no attachment to me whatsoever.

Maybe he had some mental disorders like Asperger’s/ autism and really could not connect with people or do things.

Look it up, there are support groups and it’s eye opening to realize that may have been what you were going through: an AS/NT parent child relationship, where few of your needs were being met

Other people may have experienced it, but it doesn't fix it. Once you've had a childhood where you are unloved by your parents, that's just baked in for the rest of your life. You can't undo it.

True.
You see it for what it was, radically accept that it happened and is over, and move on to be the best person you can be AND not repeat their neglect.

Agree that's how you handle.

But the pain remains. There will always be a gaping hole in your psyche.

Beck made a song about this

I'm surprised no one has chimed in with agreement or to judge you, actual dcum losers are slipping.

Op, could these feelings be related to PMS? It gets me every month intensely for a couple of days.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You mean the world to your mom and dad. Don't break their hearts.

I really, really don't. They barely think of me. My dad, in particular, has absolutely no attachment to me whatsoever.

Maybe he had some mental disorders like Asperger’s/ autism and really could not connect with people or do things.

Look it up, there are support groups and it’s eye opening to realize that may have been what you were going through: an AS/NT parent child relationship, where few of your needs were being met

Other people may have experienced it, but it doesn't fix it. Once you've had a childhood where you are unloved by your parents, that's just baked in for the rest of your life. You can't undo it.

True.
You see it for what it was, radically accept that it happened and is over, and move on to be the best person you can be AND not repeat their neglect.