Anonymous wrote:Very common.

My stepsister was so violent that at 16/17, she had broken her mom’s bone. Caused tens of thousands of dollars of damage to our house, had multiple pregnancy scares, and became an alcoholic.

It was just a bad time period in her life. Thankfully, she’s 24 now, college educated, engaged, and doing well.

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes it isn't even drugs and alcohol. Entitlement and arrogance are on helluva cocktail.
We have an older ftl sib who has pretty much never left home. His friends all did well in their early 20s during the dotcom era. Him notsomuch. The bubble burst he got a job working for I think Apple for a year or so. Social media heated up again so he quit to pursue start up riches. Again, nope! He started a good half dozen companies over the years that went nowhere all funded by our parents. By the late 2000s he just gave up but refused to get another job.
Our parents paid for his entire life, car, clothes, food, entertainment, wedding, (he was married 2 years and they lived with my parents) divorce, child support, medical bills, everything.
Our father was removed from a ventilitor earlier this year. His only job was to take care of them in exchange for funding his life. He did the bare minimum and complained about "chores".
We suggested moving mom to assistsed living because she was not doing well. Whatever wouldn't cover the cost we would sell their house. He hit the roof. Yelling, screaming threatening. We later figured out he didn't care about our mom's well being. He was approaching the age when most are prepping for retirement, for the first time in his life he faced the prospect of having to be an adult like the rest of us and pay his own bills and had no $$.
He apologized but living a life of leisure with no responsibility on our parents dime made him an entitled, lazy jerk who lashed out when reality started to set in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents have friends who are still supporting their adult boys.

Both boys were the type who made weed their main hobby and personality in high school. My parents used to tell me that it wasn't their/our place to tell the parents. But no surprise that both struggled to finish college or establish themselves as adults. One is now working as a UPS driver and living at home, and I haven't asked recently where the other is, but I know his parents repeatedly had to go collect him in other states when he had weird mental breakdowns and did things like wander around in the snow in inappropriate clothes muttering to himself and scaring kids until police got involved, and another occasion where he had some kind of job in Colorado and his boss called his parents to say he was having a mental break and they needed to come get him immediately. I think it was pretty clear he had schizophrenia or was using hard drugs, or both, and I remember my parents talking about how amazed they were that his parents weren't having him do some kind of inpatient treatment or at least encouraging him to stay with them too. He was a scary guy and always looked a little bit crazed in the eyes in high school, and I could see him doing something like this.

Maybe you could recommend a place to “help”? You do understand that Medicaid and Medicare do not pay for psychiatric stays?

You may be surprised to learn that current treatments are not very effective and completely don’t work well for those with schizophrenia. The meds may help with paranoia and hallucinations, but 75% of patients struggle with severe ADHD, tiredness, and confusion. Current treatments suck.

The Prozac family of drugs has stopped the lie on the ground depressed persons that used to be in mental institutions. Science is behind on bipolar and schizophrenia unfortunately.

You are gravely misinformed about Medicare and Medicaid and should not be giving advice about them.

Medicare:

https://www.aarp.org/medicare/faq/does-medicare-cover-mental-health/

Medicaid is the single largest payer for mental health and substance abuse treatment in the US. This includes inpatient treatment.

Anonymous wrote:Can parents do anything differently during childhood or are some of these kids wired differently and it's only a matter of time?

Anonymous wrote:Very common.

My stepsister was so violent that at 16/17, she had broken her mom’s bone. Caused tens of thousands of dollars of damage to our house, had multiple pregnancy scares, and became an alcoholic.

It was just a bad time period in her life. Thankfully, she’s 24 now, college educated, engaged, and doing well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents have friends who are still supporting their adult boys.

Both boys were the type who made weed their main hobby and personality in high school. My parents used to tell me that it wasn't their/our place to tell the parents. But no surprise that both struggled to finish college or establish themselves as adults. One is now working as a UPS driver and living at home, and I haven't asked recently where the other is, but I know his parents repeatedly had to go collect him in other states when he had weird mental breakdowns and did things like wander around in the snow in inappropriate clothes muttering to himself and scaring kids until police got involved, and another occasion where he had some kind of job in Colorado and his boss called his parents to say he was having a mental break and they needed to come get him immediately. I think it was pretty clear he had schizophrenia or was using hard drugs, or both, and I remember my parents talking about how amazed they were that his parents weren't having him do some kind of inpatient treatment or at least encouraging him to stay with them too. He was a scary guy and always looked a little bit crazed in the eyes in high school, and I could see him doing something like this.

Maybe you could recommend a place to “help”? You do understand that Medicaid and Medicare do not pay for psychiatric stays?

You may be surprised to learn that current treatments are not very effective and completely don’t work well for those with schizophrenia. The meds may help with paranoia and hallucinations, but 75% of patients struggle with severe ADHD, tiredness, and confusion. Current treatments suck.

The Prozac family of drugs has stopped the lie on the ground depressed persons that used to be in mental institutions. Science is behind on bipolar and schizophrenia unfortunately.

Anonymous wrote:My parents have friends who are still supporting their adult boys.

Both boys were the type who made weed their main hobby and personality in high school. My parents used to tell me that it wasn't their/our place to tell the parents. But no surprise that both struggled to finish college or establish themselves as adults. One is now working as a UPS driver and living at home, and I haven't asked recently where the other is, but I know his parents repeatedly had to go collect him in other states when he had weird mental breakdowns and did things like wander around in the snow in inappropriate clothes muttering to himself and scaring kids until police got involved, and another occasion where he had some kind of job in Colorado and his boss called his parents to say he was having a mental break and they needed to come get him immediately. I think it was pretty clear he had schizophrenia or was using hard drugs, or both, and I remember my parents talking about how amazed they were that his parents weren't having him do some kind of inpatient treatment or at least encouraging him to stay with them too. He was a scary guy and always looked a little bit crazed in the eyes in high school, and I could see him doing something like this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dear friend has a violent teen. I fear for her safety. The police have been called multiple times to school and home but he is never removed from the home. He gets referred to juvenile justice and attends an online class or does some community service hours and there are no real consequences.

I’ve been there. Here is what I did. I dropped mine off at hospitals and refused to take them back. I informed law enforcement that I intended to press charges and they were removed. (I never do press charges but I needed to be safe). They always asked if I would agree to hospitalization, which I do. So they would drop them off at the closest hospital and we would not pick them up when the hospital calls. It is unbelievably difficult and heartbreaking to do this. But it got us the help that was needed.