Our morning is not close to perfect, but training DC to get dressed for school as soon as they get out of bed has been really essential.

Anonymous wrote:DH has the kids on like some kind of military precision in the morning. They (9, 7 and 4) all wake up early on their own, but get themselves completely dressed and fed before they're allowed TV. At 7:25 all 3 are standing there with shoes, coats, backpacks at the door ready to go. It blows my mind when I have to do morning drop off and I see it first hand. I think they just think there will be immediate consequences if they aren't ready (he doesn't spank or anything, so I'm not sure what they think will happen. ha). My oldest does have inattentive ADHD, so I think this is teaching her executive functioning. The older two help the 4 year old get cereal or open her yogurt, but he 4 year old does get breakfast at preschool.

DH has automated Alexa alarms going off telling the kids which stage they should be at. "It's 7:25, gather everything and stand by the front door for loading." lol

Sounds abusive.
Read the stories of people who had “military style” dads growing up.

I don't understand. At 10, 9, no problem. The 4 yr old is the only one you need to monitor

You need to get yourself ready first so that you're able to actively monitor everyone else's progress in the morning.

I set a series of timers on my phone to keep us on schedule. 1) breakfast done and go upstairs to get dressed, 2) come downstairs and put on socks and shoes, 3) walk out the door time. Between 1 and 2, I pop into their rooms upstairs to make sure they're brushing teeth and getting dressed. I also allow for a lot of buffer time. If they are ahead of schedule, they can play or read or whatever - but not on screens.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The screens in the morning started as a way to keep my 4 year old contained. He’s a swirly madman. He wakes up going 1,000,000 miles an hour and he always needs a ton of things. It was a way to contain his tornado while the rest of us got ready.

But now the older boys sit down and watch TV with him without getting ready so it’s just become a bit of a mess.

We get it. Many of us have been there. I'm saying, as a parent to older kids who has been through this: you think the screens are helping but in the long run they are hurting. They are solving one short-term problem (4 year old who is hard to contain) with a long-term problem that is really hard to fix once habits set in (three kids who get sucked into TV, beg for TV whenever they get a chance, fight over turning off the TV, plus continued issues getting out the door every time, for years).

Does 4 year old wake up on his own or do you wake him up? If you wake him up, use that control! Only wake him up when it's the exact amount of time you need to get him out the door, and just plan on spending that 20-30 minutes being super hands on with him (which means you are ready to go before you get him up).

If he wakes up on his own, you either get up earlier so you can be on top of him when he wakes, or you have to conscript the older kids into helping with him. Big preference for just getting myself ready earlier -- there are so many ways to streamline my own morning routine that this is almost always the answer for me. When I still had preschoolers/toddlers, I was used to taking like a 4 minute shower (I'd wash my hair at night and put it in a shower cap in the morning, and use a styler to refresh), wear a uniform so getting dressed takes 90 seconds, simple make up in hair.

When you do have older kids help with him, accept they are going to fight and argue sometimes. Let it happen. It's okay for people to be annoyed sometimes. Use drive to school to debrief any major issues and make sure your older kids are getting what they need so it's easier for them to help with him (don't expect a 10 year old to be able to get ready totally on his own, babysit his brother, and not need guidance, reassurance, etc., from parents -- you still have to help but it can happen at other times to prep him to be able to spend 15 minutes watching his younger brother while you finish breakfast or help his sister with her hair or whatever).

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The screens in the morning started as a way to keep my 4 year old contained. He’s a swirly madman. He wakes up going 1,000,000 miles an hour and he always needs a ton of things. It was a way to contain his tornado while the rest of us got ready.

But now the older boys sit down and watch TV with him without getting ready so it’s just become a bit of a mess.

There are three of you - or at the very least two of you - who can be with the 4 year old. Switch off and make sure one person is with four year old all the time to address his needs.

OP here. The screens in the morning started as a way to keep my 4 year old contained. He’s a swirly madman. He wakes up going 1,000,000 miles an hour and he always needs a ton of things. It was a way to contain his tornado while the rest of us got ready.

But now the older boys sit down and watch TV with him without getting ready so it’s just become a bit of a mess.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Good ideas.

I like the idea of data tracking. I also need to be up much earlier.

If they don’t do screens, everyone fusses. They are not easy kids especially in the morning. If they sit at the table and eat breakfast, without me there (I’m getting ready) they’ll fight.

I let them watch tv while I’m getting ready.

I think I need to get up earlier and then be able to monitor from 6:45-7:15 and move everyone along. It’s a big anxious, adhd mess.

Yes, get up earlier and shower. If you can quickly change or do makeup, you can leave that for when the kids are changing. Or just bite the bullet and get completely ready before they get up.

Anonymous wrote:No screens whatsoever in the mornings. And yes I would get up, showered, dogs out and fed, before waking children.
Get as much done the night before as u can. Clothes out on dresser, kitchen rustier and ready to go, lunchboxes packed if they take lunch. Shoes by the door. Toothbrush/toothpaste in kitchen to save wasted time going back upstairs.

+1 You get organized for the morning after their bedtime, and nobody turns on a TV in the morning!

I think it sends a good message to kids when you are already dressed and showered when they get up.

It communicates to them that you have been up and getting yourself ready, which sets the right tone for them. There are a lot of silent signals like this for your kids. It's the same reason it's better to sit down and eat with them, it helps them stay on task while eating and understand how meals work, without having to explain anything.

Also: screens in the AM will always make this harder. You think it's helping now but it's a stop gap that becomes a dependency and will only make things worse in the long run. I would suffer the short term consequences of taking screens away now, to get the long term benefit of easier mornings. I promise, OP, it will be worth the effort. I went through this with my oldest, just with screens in general, and shifting a a low screen home environment made life a million times better. Screens are crummy childminders. Resist!

I actually can’t believe you get ready while they’re getting ready for school. My hair would be on absolute fire lol because they would do nothing without supervision. I get fully ready and even try to set out breakfast/snacks/waterbottles for backpacks before they even get up. and they pick out clothes the night before.

I got my 8 year old an alarm clock and that’s worked really well to get himself up and started. I still have to remind him to run back up and brush his teeth or grab socks sometimes. My 6 year old I have to wake up and it’s hands on as she has anxiety and inattentive adhd. All sorts of cajoling to get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth, etc.

I also got a visual timer and I set it to now 15 min before the bus comes to pack up backpacks and get winter stuff on. We have a checklist of stuff for packing backpack that I make them look at every morning. We also make them unpack although this is a struggle and it’s a lottery of what winter wear will come home today.

Meanwhile I have a neighbor whose 8 and 10 year old girls regularly get themselves out the door by themselves entirely.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Good ideas.

I like the idea of data tracking. I also need to be up much earlier.

If they don’t do screens, everyone fusses. They are not easy kids especially in the morning. If they sit at the table and eat breakfast, without me there (I’m getting ready) they’ll fight. I let them watch tv while I’m getting ready.

I think I need to get up earlier and then be able to monitor from 6:45-7:15 and move everyone along. It’s a big anxious, adhd mess.

You get dressed when they're getting dressed. Lay out your clothes the night before. No screens in the morning. Tell them now starting in the new year, no screens. No bickering in the mornings - if everyone gets along they get a sticker, five stickers at the end of the week and they get a fun dessert or to pick what's for dinner or something.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Good ideas.

I like the idea of data tracking. I also need to be up much earlier.

If they don’t do screens, everyone fusses. They are not easy kids especially in the morning. If they sit at the table and eat breakfast, without me there (I’m getting ready) they’ll fight.

I let them watch tv while I’m getting ready.

I think I need to get up earlier and then be able to monitor from 6:45-7:15 and move everyone along. It’s a big anxious, adhd mess.

Bad plan. You need to be ready before them- then you assist with them at breakfast and cleaning up. Zero reason for screens. They shouldn’t have enough spare time to be fighting and the older ones should know better

OP here. Good ideas.

I like the idea of data tracking. I also need to be up much earlier.

If they don’t do screens, everyone fusses. They are not easy kids especially in the morning. If they sit at the table and eat breakfast, without me there (I’m getting ready) they’ll fight.

I let them watch tv while I’m getting ready.

I think I need to get up earlier and then be able to monitor from 6:45-7:15 and move everyone along. It’s a big anxious, adhd mess.

No screens before school.

We don't allow this and mornings are pretty smooth. Try this one change and see what happens.

My kids end up reading in the morning when they have extra time, and it's super easy for them to stop when it's time to go.