It’s weird but whatever. Move on.

I lived in Baltimore where everyone is "hon." I'm fine with this kind of thing.

Anonymous wrote:Wow. If this is the stuff you get worked up about, they should just call you b—-ch instead.

Okay little guys. Good input, champ.

I’m so proud of you for your post, deary.

People say things like that online to be rude, but IRL I've only ever had older people say it in a folksy/absentminded/habitual way.

Anonymous wrote:I suppose the male equivalent is being called dude.

Most people in this country are working class to lower middle class, not uptight professionals. I agree context matters a lot, but the people upset at the Stetson poster calling attendants darling or ma'am really don't realize how much of it comes down to delivery and charm and why he gets away with it. I've seen it in action and the recipient is always charmed and usually giggles a bit.

It’s equivalent to calling a “little guy”

What can I get you little guys to drink.

Or sport, champ, or buddy.

Hey buddy, are you ready to order. Nice choice champ.

Wow. If this is the stuff you get worked up about, they should just call you b—-ch instead.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 57 and still get this, probably because I'm small. It beats "ma'am."

I've gotten to the point where ma'am doesn't bug me but I recall the first few times I got this, in my 30s, it felt like a slap in the face. Now I basically don't care.

Getting used to how differently you are treated as a middle aged or older woman in the world, as opposed to a young woman, is truly a rite of passage. It's wild to realize that the most respect/deference you will ever get in your life probably came when you were like 28, and that having decades of wisdom and experience on that younger version of yourself makes people respect you LESS. Truly wild.

Calling a woman ma'am is a way of showing of respect and deference.

Depends on how it's said. For southerners and others raised to use these terms as a form of deference, similar to "sir", yes. But there are plenty of people who only use ma'am derogatorily.

99% of the time if someone does this, it's someone in a low paid role, likely working for tips, in a service/hospitality business. Most like a woman and odds are good they are not a teenager and that this is their full time job.

It just seems ridiculous to be offended in that context. Even if I'm unaccustomed to being addressed that way and it feels a little infantalizing (sure), it's just very obvious that the person doing it is not my oppressor. If anything, it's the opposite. So yeah, I tolerate it.

Now if the CEO of my company did this while telling me to get his coffee even though I'm a highly educated professional, I would feel differently about it. But that's not usually how this works at this point. Maybe back in the 90 at the most recent.

I don't talk to strangers who speak like this. Interesting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 57 and still get this, probably because I'm small. It beats "ma'am."

I've gotten to the point where ma'am doesn't bug me but I recall the first few times I got this, in my 30s, it felt like a slap in the face. Now I basically don't care.

Getting used to how differently you are treated as a middle aged or older woman in the world, as opposed to a young woman, is truly a rite of passage. It's wild to realize that the most respect/deference you will ever get in your life probably came when you were like 28, and that having decades of wisdom and experience on that younger version of yourself makes people respect you LESS. Truly wild.

Calling a woman ma'am is a way of showing of respect and deference.

You can usually tell if they just call everyone that or they’re targeting / insulting you. Use your emotional intelligence.

Don’t go to the south, it’s am everyday all day occurrence

I like it when waitresses and such call me terms of endearment. It seems old-timey and makes me feel cozy and cared for.

Anonymous wrote:I make it a point to not be offended unless someone means to offend. Can't imagine how life must be otherwise. If you see everything as a slight, you will be miserable and those around you will be as well.

This. There is so much more in this world to spend you energy on being offended. I just want peace and try to let things go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gen X male here: I’ve discovered (through years of careful observation and evaluation) that I get appreciably better service in places like restaurants, stores, car rental and airline counters, and other such service-oriented places, if in my interactions with female staff, I call them “darlin’ “ or “ma’am”, and smile a lot. Appreciably better service. Not just a little better.

Gen X female here: I'd consider it sexual harassment if you called me that. And if I were your waitress I'd accidentally-on=purpose spill a drink or soup in your lap. Oops, sorry darlin'.

Ma'am makes you feel like you are sexually harassed. Really?