ADHD- often have rejection sensitivity dysphoria - maybe he thinks the other kids don't like him so have dropped the activities - his perception, not the reality, my ADHD kids are like this. ADHD kids don't like to be told to do homework etc. Ask them when are they going to start on an assignment and do they want a reminder around that time. ( if yes, just say this is your reminder) for anything really chores, school work, etc. Agree with others check for drug use, ask pediatricians when yu take the kid in for evaluation. Also, encourage dad to find one on one time- can be as simple as driving his somewhere. Ease up on college push, help him find activities he enjoys again.

Who diagnosed him with ADHD? He needs a full, several day long neuro psych.

A newish study about ADHD meds says that they help for two years but after that they stop helping.

I used to be this kid. Unfortunately, I don’t think you can do much to force your son to be someone he doesn’t want to be. He has to want to change for himself at this point. He is almost an adult and the chance to instill discipline or family values was years ago before he was a teenager. Now you have to let go and hope for the best while being there to support him when he crashes back down to earth. This is a long game. Drop the rope and support your kid for who they are and who they want to be, not who you want them to be.

Sorry, I didn’t give you advice. I’m sorry he’s being so defiant. He can’t verbally abuse you and the family and that’s not okay. There needs to be consequences for that. But just stop talking to him about college, grades and activities for now. Deal with the immediate and get through one day at a time. Let the little things go.

The best advice I got was on here, not in therapy and was to get through this period any way possible without a serious drug or mental health crisis.