Anonymous wrote:If I were hosting the party, the guest had a valid excuse for being late and we found a way for them to not ruin the surprise, I would be fine with it. Life happens.

This. Also, depending on how late they’ll be if they could have coffee and dessert and skip the meal.

Sometimes people have legitimate reasons for being late. They may have something that they are required to be at and event was scheduled later.

If you want them there to try to find a way to be flexible. But they absolutely cannot get there at the same time as the guest.

OP here. Thank you all really.

We have a good plan to be on time and everyones needs (and preferences) are met.

Never throw a surprise person for an 80 year old unless you want it to be their last birthday

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is rude to surprise a 70-80 year old.

Well, yeah, there's this. But I'd assume OP has no control over it.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Oh yes, I forgot to take the age into account……

Unless a paramedic is on speed dial.
Lol.

Considering this would be a surprise party, 🎉 I am assuming the host would want everyone there ahead of time so everyone will be present once the birthday person shows up.

So if someone shows up late I would rate this an eleven (okay a solid 10!)

When if they ran into the birthday person outside in the parking lot thus ruining the surprise aspect??! 🙁

How rude would you rate it to plan to show up at a surprise party at a restaurant with a sit down meal for a relative who is between 70 and 80 up to 30 minutes late.

This was confusing to me because firs my brain put the 70 and 80 with the 30 as how late someone is (I thought the relative was the person who comes late or at least that someone attending is habitually late)

After reading I see that the question was settled for OP, but my only comment is that it would be so odd to plan such a late arrive the only reason could be an important conflict or that they have to drive a very long way and don't like to get up early.

Anonymous wrote:It is rude to surprise a 70-80 year old.

Well, yeah, there's this. But I'd assume OP has no control over it.

9 -- at least.

Normally you want to be a bit late. But it's a surprise party. Timing is key.

As a party thrower, for most (though not all) kinds of gatherings, I’d actually prefer that people decline rather than come late or leave very early. It throws off serving, knowing how much to make or provide of different things, and the host/hostess gets pulled away to greet people or see them off at times that don’t really work. It also just feels rude and diva-ish. What annoys me most is when people don’t ask if it’s ok—they just respond to an invitation with, “We’ll be about an hour late but we will be there” so you have no choice in the matter.

9

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a lot of relevant factors to be considered (relationship, cause of delay, the guest’s behavior, etc.) that aren’t discussed here. A distant cousin coming in late because they had a hair appointment and expecting to order a meal when they get there is significantly different from a grandchild coming as soon as they get off work (when the organizers knew there was a conflict and scheduled it anyway) to give Granny a hug and maybe have a piece of cake.

Exactly what I was going to say. The prior knowledge of the host and the expectations of the latecomer make all the difference.

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine. It’s an elderly family member. As long as you don’t come at the same time and ruin the surprise you are good. Im guessing they are supposed to arrive at 1pm and you won’t be able to arrive until closer to 1:30. You could have somebody order for you if it’s a more formal lunch or just be ready to order when you arrive. By the time everybody hugs and sits down and open their menu you will be there.

Ah, because they are elderly they don't get the same consideration as someone younger?

Not very rude so maybe 2 or 3, just don't ruin the surprise or expect everyone to wait for you

It is rude to surprise a 70-80 year old.

10