Anonymous
12/15/2025 07:11
Subject: Handling Christmas Transition from a gazillion gifts as they are now working adults
Anonymous wrote:I'm the oldest of four and when I started college my parents told me that I'm an adult and would no longer get Christmas presents. I came home that first Christmas on break and watched all my siblings open presents for a couple hours with not a single gift for me. I had used money from my part time job to get presents for each of them. It was really hurtful, so the following years I went to celebrate Christmas with my boyfriend and his parents (who did include me).
A few years later my siblings hit college age. I expected the same rule would apply to them. But my parents decided it wouldn't feel like Christmas if they didn't give presents, so they kept getting presents for my college-aged siblings. It was super screwed up.
So whatever you do, don't do that. Think about a long term plan that works fairly for all of your kids.
Wow, that is awful. Sorry PP, I hope Christmas is better now.
Anonymous
12/14/2025 22:01
Subject: Handling Christmas Transition from a gazillion gifts as they are now working adults
. I interpreted it to be a snarky way of saying she gets nothingAnonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids.
30--working for Amazon, has long term GF who also has a steady job, and they are on their way to buying a house. They will get tickets to a Ravens game
28--hot mess. Getting divorced and has a 2yr old. She's getting family dinner. Our granddaughter is getting toys. We currently cover her rent and our granddaughter's daycare.
18--freshman in college. She's getting a small piece of equipment for her hobby, some giftcards to restaurants in her college town, a funny keychain and notebook, a knife set, and plane tix for spring break.
15--still in HS. He's getting a hoodie, tickets to a comedy show, a lego set, and scratchers.
Nothing is spectacular but I think the kids are all getting something that will make them happy.
What does “family dinner” include?
Anonymous
12/13/2025 11:43
Subject: Handling Christmas Transition from a gazillion gifts as they are now working adults
One present and a check
Anonymous
12/13/2025 10:23
Subject: Handling Christmas Transition from a gazillion gifts as they are now working adults
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm the oldest of four and when I started college my parents told me that I'm an adult and would no longer get Christmas presents. I came home that first Christmas on break and watched all my siblings open presents for a couple hours with not a single gift for me. I had used money from my part time job to get presents for each of them. It was really hurtful, so the following years I went to celebrate Christmas with my boyfriend and his parents (who did include me).
A few years later my siblings hit college age. I expected the same rule would apply to them. But my parents decided it wouldn't feel like Christmas if they didn't give presents, so they kept getting presents for my college-aged siblings. It was super screwed up.
So whatever you do, don't do that. Think about a long term plan that works fairly for all of your kids.
WOW - I'm so sorry! And NOW your parents wonder why you don't go to their home much, right? And don't have a really strong bond with your parents?
I’m sorry too, PP. If you were my friend, I’d get you a nice gift every year to try to make up for your crappy parents.
We are a big gift-giving family. I’d cut back on the amount we spend if it wasn’t in the budget, but we’ll always have lots of gifts plus stockings for our adult children. One of them has made it clear that she doesn’t have room for more “stuff”, so we give her consumable things and gift cards.
Anonymous
12/13/2025 10:15
Subject: Handling Christmas Transition from a gazillion gifts as they are now working adults
If they spend the night in my house Christmas Eve-Christmas, there are gifts to open Christmas morning. My youngest just graduated from college and I am trying to drop stockings but getting pushback. 🙄 Otherwise they only get a check/Venmo. Once they get married just the money.
Anonymous
12/12/2025 15:25
Subject: Handling Christmas Transition from a gazillion gifts as they are now working adults
Many people would be thrilled to have a grandchild while still young enough to enjoy her. Not complaining about helping out. So many gen Zs are not planning on children at all.
Anonymous
12/12/2025 15:23
Subject: Handling Christmas Transition from a gazillion gifts as they are now working adults
I think you should give an actual present to unwrap to the 28 yo. Jeez.
Anonymous
12/12/2025 15:20
Subject: Re:Handling Christmas Transition from a gazillion gifts as they are now working adults
I grew up in an affluent family that celebrated Christmas extravagantly. Even after I graduated from law school and got married (to a classmate), my parents gave us very large checks. It felt uncomfortable, especially for my husband, who came from a middle-class family. Our kids are now young adults, two of whom are married. At Thanksgiving this year our oldest daughter suggested that we all do Secret Santa with a $100 limit. The other two kids were totally on board. This doesn't mean that we won't treat them for occasional restaurant meals, theatre and concert tickets, and splurge a little on travel, but I'm hopeful that Christmas will feel less focused on "gifting" and more on gratitude for all we have, especially each other.
Anonymous
12/12/2025 11:20
Subject: Handling Christmas Transition from a gazillion gifts as they are now working adults
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Four adult kids (39, 37, 32, 29) - all get the same gift, which is anything(s) worth $250. They can send me a list or receive a check. DD 37 is married, and her husband also gets a gift(s) worth $250.
Somehow spending $1,000 for Christmas feels right. I do think it's sort of funny that, with inflation, I've ended up decreasing what we provide for them...which make sense since they're all grown.
Every year my parents give us a check for $200 because that's what their parents gave them when they were alive. It has never occurred to them that $200 in 1977 (when this tradition started) had a bit more purchasing power than today.
They always excitedly ask what we will be spending the check on... I put it in the kids 529s and tell them that and the response is always "you don't need to worry about that. You'll be getting a lot of money when we go." Lol
Why are you assuming they don’t realize how the purchasing power has changed?
Because of the question"what will you be buying?" They expect us to say like a new appliance. They specifically say they want us to buy something nice for our house.
So what do they say when your reply is something much smaller-like a set of dish towels or a toaster?
Anonymous
12/12/2025 10:31
Subject: Handling Christmas Transition from a gazillion gifts as they are now working adults
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Four adult kids (39, 37, 32, 29) - all get the same gift, which is anything(s) worth $250. They can send me a list or receive a check. DD 37 is married, and her husband also gets a gift(s) worth $250.
Somehow spending $1,000 for Christmas feels right. I do think it's sort of funny that, with inflation, I've ended up decreasing what we provide for them...which make sense since they're all grown.
Every year my parents give us a check for $200 because that's what their parents gave them when they were alive. It has never occurred to them that $200 in 1977 (when this tradition started) had a bit more purchasing power than today.
They always excitedly ask what we will be spending the check on... I put it in the kids 529s and tell them that and the response is always "you don't need to worry about that. You'll be getting a lot of money when we go." Lol
Why are you assuming they don’t realize how the purchasing power has changed?
Because of the question"what will you be buying?" They expect us to say like a new appliance. They specifically say they want us to buy something nice for our house.
Anonymous
12/12/2025 10:28
Subject: Handling Christmas Transition from a gazillion gifts as they are now working adults
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Four adult kids (39, 37, 32, 29) - all get the same gift, which is anything(s) worth $250. They can send me a list or receive a check. DD 37 is married, and her husband also gets a gift(s) worth $250.
Somehow spending $1,000 for Christmas feels right. I do think it's sort of funny that, with inflation, I've ended up decreasing what we provide for them...which make sense since they're all grown.
Every year my parents give us a check for $200 because that's what their parents gave them when they were alive. It has never occurred to them that $200 in 1977 (when this tradition started) had a bit more purchasing power than today.
They always excitedly ask what we will be spending the check on... I put it in the kids 529s and tell them that and the response is always "you don't need to worry about that. You'll be getting a lot of money when we go." Lol
Why are you assuming they don’t realize how the purchasing power has changed?
Anonymous
12/12/2025 10:20
Subject: Handling Christmas Transition from a gazillion gifts as they are now working adults
Money is tighter this year. I redeeemed credit card points for a bunch of gift cards to places they like which was easy. We will go to a show while they are visiting (their request) and a few nice dinners and other activities. I will also get them some things from their Amazon wish lists seng to their homes because they travel here and don't need to schlep stuff back. I think we will do stockings as something fun so there are some things to open. Grandparents will give them gifts too.
Anonymous
12/12/2025 10:05
Subject: Handling Christmas Transition from a gazillion gifts as they are now working adults
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids.
30--working for Amazon, has long term GF who also has a steady job, and they are on their way to buying a house. They will get tickets to a Ravens game
28--hot mess. Getting divorced and has a 2yr old. She's getting family dinner. Our granddaughter is getting toys. We currently cover her rent and our granddaughter's daycare.
18--freshman in college. She's getting a small piece of equipment for her hobby, some giftcards to restaurants in her college town, a funny keychain and notebook, a knife set, and plane tix for spring break.
15--still in HS. He's getting a hoodie, tickets to a comedy show, a lego set, and scratchers.
Nothing is spectacular but I think the kids are all getting something that will make them happy.
What does “family dinner” include?
NP I wondered the same thing. I thought maybe it was the name of one of those subscription meal planning kits or something.
Anonymous
12/12/2025 07:18
Subject: Handling Christmas Transition from a gazillion gifts as they are now working adults
Anonymous wrote:Four adult kids (39, 37, 32, 29) - all get the same gift, which is anything(s) worth $250. They can send me a list or receive a check. DD 37 is married, and her husband also gets a gift(s) worth $250.
Somehow spending $1,000 for Christmas feels right. I do think it's sort of funny that, with inflation, I've ended up decreasing what we provide for them...which make sense since they're all grown.
Every year my parents give us a check for $200 because that's what their parents gave them when they were alive. It has never occurred to them that $200 in 1977 (when this tradition started) had a bit more purchasing power than today.
They always excitedly ask what we will be spending the check on... I put it in the kids 529s and tell them that and the response is always "you don't need to worry about that. You'll be getting a lot of money when we go." Lol
Anonymous
12/12/2025 00:27
Subject: Handling Christmas Transition from a gazillion gifts as they are now working adults
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids.
30--working for Amazon, has long term GF who also has a steady job, and they are on their way to buying a house. They will get tickets to a Ravens game
28--hot mess. Getting divorced and has a 2yr old. She's getting family dinner. Our granddaughter is getting toys. We currently cover her rent and our granddaughter's daycare.
18--freshman in college. She's getting a small piece of equipment for her hobby, some giftcards to restaurants in her college town, a funny keychain and notebook, a knife set, and plane tix for spring break.
15--still in HS. He's getting a hoodie, tickets to a comedy show, a lego set, and scratchers.
Nothing is spectacular but I think the kids are all getting something that will make them happy.
What does “family dinner” include?
I'm guessing a lecture about all the ways she's screwed up her life. Dessert will feature a presentation of all the bills for daycare and rent the generous but long suffering parents must pay due to the daughter's failure at adulting.