Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t get a divorce after 30 years unless it’s because of domestic violence.
Is he cheating? Who cares after 30 years? All guys cheat. Don’t kid yourself into believing you’ll find another man who is completely faithful. If he’s cheating, you can cheat as well.
Don’t mess up your life over this.
After 30 years, the business and financial side of a marriage matters more than the romantic part.

So, ok for him to go on cheating?

Absolutely, and that goes for her as well.

At a certain point, it's acceptable to view marriage as a business arrangement and take the romance out of it. You can seek romance in other places.

This is why wealthy individuals tend to have a significantly lower divorce rate.

I’m not going to divorce after 30 years over cheating.

Neither would I (not OP). But sometimes it the cheater who wants out and divorce is imminent. OP should prepare for it and take her notes and paperwork in order, but I wouldn't even confront over it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t get a divorce after 30 years unless it’s because of domestic violence.
Is he cheating? Who cares after 30 years? All guys cheat. Don’t kid yourself into believing you’ll find another man who is completely faithful. If he’s cheating, you can cheat as well.
Don’t mess up your life over this.
After 30 years, the business and financial side of a marriage matters more than the romantic part.

So, ok for him to go on cheating?

Absolutely, and that goes for her as well.

At a certain point, it's acceptable to view marriage as a business arrangement and take the romance out of it. You can seek romance in other places.

This is why wealthy individuals tend to have a significantly lower divorce rate.

I’m not going to divorce after 30 years over cheating.

Anonymous wrote:Be prepared for ridiculous legal fees.

Can be avoided if both are reasonable

Be prepared for ridiculous legal fees.

Anonymous wrote:You don’t get a divorce after 30 years unless it’s because of domestic violence.
Is he cheating? Who cares after 30 years? All guys cheat. Don’t kid yourself into believing you’ll find another man who is completely faithful. If he’s cheating, you can cheat as well.
Don’t mess up your life over this.
After 30 years, the business and financial side of a marriage matters more than the romantic part.

So, ok for him to go on cheating?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry OP. I just finalized my divorce from my cheating ex. I would have tried to save the marriage but he left for AP. I'm devastated. Divorce is a ruthless unfair process. You think there would be justice for the betrayed spouse. There isn't.
Find a couple divorce support groups. Divorce Care was great for me. Plus find other divorced women to bond with. Many opened up to me on how they'd been cheated on as well.

You were okay being cheated on? How were you going to save the marriage?

How her husband wanted to save the marriage ?

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry OP. I just finalized my divorce from my cheating ex. I would have tried to save the marriage but he left for AP. I'm devastated. Divorce is a ruthless unfair process. You think there would be justice for the betrayed spouse. There isn't.
Find a couple divorce support groups. Divorce Care was great for me. Plus find other divorced women to bond with. Many opened up to me on how they'd been cheated on as well.

You were okay being cheated on? How were you going to save the marriage?

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry OP. I just finalized my divorce from my cheating ex. I would have tried to save the marriage but he left for AP. I'm devastated. Divorce is a ruthless unfair process. You think there would be justice for the betrayed spouse. There isn't.
Find a couple divorce support groups. Divorce Care was great for me. Plus find other divorced women to bond with. Many opened up to me on how they'd been cheated on as well.

Release the expectation that there is justice to be done.

You were hurt and betrayed. You don’t deserve that, but you also don’t deserve to not be hurt or betrayed either.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cheating is horrible and it is primarily the cheater’s fault. However you are partly to blame if you are not having regular sex with your spouse.

Yes, and the cheating spouse is usually the one who would later abandon their own kids, wage a legal battle for assets with their devastated spouse, and poison your life for years despite being with their AP.
These are deeply damaged toxic and selfish people

Man here and well stated!

Anonymous wrote:Cheating is horrible and it is primarily the cheater’s fault. However you are partly to blame if you are not having regular sex with your spouse.

Yes, and the cheating spouse is usually the one who would later abandon their own kids, wage a legal battle for assets with their devastated spouse, and poison your life for years despite being with their AP.
These are deeply damaged toxic and selfish people

I'm so sorry OP. I just finalized my divorce from my cheating ex. I would have tried to save the marriage but he left for AP. I'm devastated. Divorce is a ruthless unfair process. You think there would be justice for the betrayed spouse. There isn't.
Find a couple divorce support groups. Divorce Care was great for me. Plus find other divorced women to bond with. Many opened up to me on how they'd been cheated on as well.

I was in your shoes just over a year ago after a three-decade marriage. I wasn't quite ready to pull the plug but he went ahead and pulled it because he couldn't live without his AP one more minute (shockingly, (sarcasm)they're apparently no longer together now...). When the moment arrived, I found that the dread and anxiety over what it would be like actually dissipated immediately and I felt an overwhelming sense of relief that it was over. Of course it's not over because the legal battle he has launched against me has been insane. But I make myself focus on the relief and how good it feels not to live with that person anymore. It hasn't been an easy 15 months but I wouldn't change where I am for where I was. I've taken a huge financial hit and my legal fees are astronomical because he refuses to mediate but I'm still standing and still breathing. Once you finally pull the plug, I hope you, too, will find this overwhelming sense of relief.

Anonymous wrote:Cheating is horrible and it is primarily the cheater’s fault. However you are partly to blame if you are not having regular sex with your spouse.

Hogwash. I have always had a higher sex drive than DH. I would have sex multiple times weekly but he just doesn't have that kind of drive. That has NEVER made me think "I have the right to cheat." It is ALWAYS the cheater's fault. If you cannot accept your partner as they are, your choice is to accept them or divorce them.

Cheating is horrible and it is primarily the cheater’s fault. However you are partly to blame if you are not having regular sex with your spouse.

You don’t get a divorce after 30 years unless it’s because of domestic violence.
Is he cheating? Who cares after 30 years? All guys cheat. Don’t kid yourself into believing you’ll find another man who is completely faithful. If he’s cheating, you can cheat as well.
Don’t mess up your life over this.
After 30 years, the business and financial side of a marriage matters more than the romantic part.