Anonymous wrote:My kids are 11 and 13 and stopped wanting most gifts and just want experiences or one special thing now. We definitely don’t focus on gifts in our family (at least in high quantity) and it’s much easier that way. Try to reduce now and by the time they are older it will be of less importance to them.

Anonymous wrote:I just hate this time of year when we are expected to get our kids gifts. They are 9 and 6. My in laws go overboard on Xmas. We celebrate Xmas and Chanukah and it’s the little ones birthday month. I cannot think of more than 5 gifts for each. My DH refuses to ask his mom to chill out on the gifts. It’s a losing battle and in 2 months I’ll end up throwing all the toys out because they take up space and have too much stuff. How do I survive without tears?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids never had grandparents growing up so I may have a different perspective on this.

I suggest that you be grateful that your parents love your children so much that they buy them presents during the holidays. ❤️

This, my MIL is passed, and the rest of the grandparents buy nothing. They talk about how much they do when they don't do anything. I feel sad for my kids.

This just really isn't helpful.
It's OK to be overwhelmed with stuff and still love the grandparents but want them to tone it down. I (as the mother) bear the brunt of picking up these freakin toys every single day and finding a home for them on top of everything else. I'd suggest you let your dh know if he doesn't ask them to tone it down, he is the one responsible for picking up the toys and storing them. He must sit down and cull the toys and he may get on board a whole lot faster.
And those that just say donate don't have my kids. There are tears about anything that leaves our house "but grandma gave me that" and I have to sneak it all out.

I agree OP needs a practical solution to this. But it's hard to know what it should be without having more details, in terms of how much the ILs are buying, what exactly they are buying.

One thing I will say is that part of the issue here seems that the ILs are open to getting wish lists but that OP struggles to fill out these lists. That is an easy way to at least partially address this problem because if the ILs really want to buy gifts and OP isn't giving them much if any guidance, it's no wonder the kids wind up with lots of junk (I have a mother who will just go buy a bunch of junk at TJ Maxx or Walmart if not given guidance, so I know what this looks like -- random toys that aren't age appropriate, fall apart instantly, get used twice and abandoned, and take up tons of space).

I have found I have to just get better at helping kids create wishlists and providing additional guidance to grandparents to avoid a house full of junky gifts because the grandmas went a little nuts. I start with my kids, asking them for lists. They often struggle with this (unlike kids in the 80s, kids today do not consume hours of cartoons with a bunch of Hasbro commercials so they are simply less aware of what their toy options are). A question I always ask is "Is there a toy or something you've seen or played with at a friend's house that you really loved?" This is how much kids mostly find out about toys, and thus also how I mostly find out about toys. I also look at online gift guides for different age groups or for kid's interests (there are guides for kids who love ballet, kids who love reading, kids who are soccer obsessed, and on and on). I've also got a short list of retailers that curate their toy and gift offerings well. For younger kids, my go to is Maisonette because they do a great job of carrying only high quality, aesthetically pleasing, toys. They cost a little more but will last, and tend not to contribute as much to a house full of junk toys. For older kids, I try to steer grandparents away from toy retailers in general and more towards interests. Like for my kid who is a dancer, I will send links to dance supplier who carry not only dance clothes and shoes but also gifts like pretty dance bags, hair accessories, stickers, etc., that I know my kid will love.

I think the biggest thing for me was realizing that I was going to have to deal with the grandparent gifts one way or another. If you don't put energy into guiding them towards decent gifts beforehand, you will wind up being the one dealing with the profusion of junk gifts and the problems those cause after the fact, including trying to get rid of stuff that doesn't work or doesn't get played with but that your child has become irrationally attached to because it was a gift from grandma that looked exciting when they opened it on Christmas morning. So I now put more energy into the before part and my kids get good gifts and I don't have a house full of crap. Mostly. Sometimes my mom still sense crazy stuff.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids never had grandparents growing up so I may have a different perspective on this.

I suggest that you be grateful that your parents love your children so much that they buy them presents during the holidays. ❤️

This, my MIL is passed, and the rest of the grandparents buy nothing. They talk about how much they do when they don't do anything. I feel sad for my kids.

This just really isn't helpful.
It's OK to be overwhelmed with stuff and still love the grandparents but want them to tone it down. I (as the mother) bear the brunt of picking up these freakin toys every single day and finding a home for them on top of everything else. I'd suggest you let your dh know if he doesn't ask them to tone it down, he is the one responsible for picking up the toys and storing them. He must sit down and cull the toys and he may get on board a whole lot faster.
And those that just say donate don't have my kids. There are tears about anything that leaves our house "but grandma gave me that" and I have to sneak it all out.

I agree OP needs a practical solution to this. But it's hard to know what it should be without having more details, in terms of how much the ILs are buying, what exactly they are buying.

One thing I will say is that part of the issue here seems that the ILs are open to getting wish lists but that OP struggles to fill out these lists. That is an easy way to at least partially address this problem because if the ILs really want to buy gifts and OP isn't giving them much if any guidance, it's no wonder the kids wind up with lots of junk (I have a mother who will just go buy a bunch of junk at TJ Maxx or Walmart if not given guidance, so I know what this looks like -- random toys that aren't age appropriate, fall apart instantly, get used twice and abandoned, and take up tons of space).

I have found I have to just get better at helping kids create wishlists and providing additional guidance to grandparents to avoid a house full of junky gifts because the grandmas went a little nuts. I start with my kids, asking them for lists. They often struggle with this (unlike kids in the 80s, kids today do not consume hours of cartoons with a bunch of Hasbro commercials so they are simply less aware of what their toy options are). A question I always ask is "Is there a toy or something you've seen or played with at a friend's house that you really loved?" This is how much kids mostly find out about toys, and thus also how I mostly find out about toys. I also look at online gift guides for different age groups or for kid's interests (there are guides for kids who love ballet, kids who love reading, kids who are soccer obsessed, and on and on). I've also got a short list of retailers that curate their toy and gift offerings well. For younger kids, my go to is Maisonette because they do a great job of carrying only high quality, aesthetically pleasing, toys. They cost a little more but will last, and tend not to contribute as much to a house full of junk toys. For older kids, I try to steer grandparents away from toy retailers in general and more towards interests. Like for my kid who is a dancer, I will send links to dance supplier who carry not only dance clothes and shoes but also gifts like pretty dance bags, hair accessories, stickers, etc., that I know my kid will love.

I think the biggest thing for me was realizing that I was going to have to deal with the grandparent gifts one way or another. If you don't put energy into guiding them towards decent gifts beforehand, you will wind up being the one dealing with the profusion of junk gifts and the problems those cause after the fact, including trying to get rid of stuff that doesn't work or doesn't get played with but that your child has become irrationally attached to because it was a gift from grandma that looked exciting when they opened it on Christmas morning. So I now put more energy into the before part and my kids get good gifts and I don't have a house full of crap. Mostly. Sometimes my mom still sense crazy stuff.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids never had grandparents growing up so I may have a different perspective on this.

I suggest that you be grateful that your parents love your children so much that they buy them presents during the holidays. ❤️

This, my MIL is passed, and the rest of the grandparents buy nothing. They talk about how much they do when they don't do anything. I feel sad for my kids.

This just really isn't helpful.
It's OK to be overwhelmed with stuff and still love the grandparents but want them to tone it down. I (as the mother) bear the brunt of picking up these freakin toys every single day and finding a home for them on top of everything else. I'd suggest you let your dh know if he doesn't ask them to tone it down, he is the one responsible for picking up the toys and storing them. He must sit down and cull the toys and he may get on board a whole lot faster.
And those that just say donate don't have my kids. There are tears about anything that leaves our house "but grandma gave me that" and I have to sneak it all out.

Anonymous wrote:LET THE KIDS OPEN AND THEN DONATE THE EXCESS. No tears. Take pics. Move along.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids never had grandparents growing up so I may have a different perspective on this.

I suggest that you be grateful that your parents love your children so much that they buy them presents during the holidays. ❤️

This, my MIL is passed, and the rest of the grandparents buy nothing. They talk about how much they do when they don't do anything. I feel sad for my kids.

Anonymous wrote:My kids never had grandparents growing up so I may have a different perspective on this.

I suggest that you be grateful that your parents love your children so much that they buy them presents during the holidays. ❤️

Anonymous wrote:I just hate this time of year when we are expected to get our kids gifts. They are 9 and 6. My in laws go overboard on Xmas. We celebrate Xmas and Chanukah and it’s the little ones birthday month. I cannot think of more than 5 gifts for each. My DH refuses to ask his mom to chill out on the gifts. It’s a losing battle and in 2 months I’ll end up throwing all the toys out because they take up space and have too much stuff. How do I survive without tears?