Anonymous wrote:Op here - sorry, they are local, about 20 minutes away.

yeah, just suck it up and go. sorry.

if you really hate it, take two cars and you can arrive late and leave early.

Why do people hate only in-laws during holidays? These threads are monotonous.

I’d just take two cars and leave at a normal time. Your husband can leave when he wants, just make sure he takes Uber/Lyft or a cab if he’s been drinking.

Anonymous wrote:You and your child can leave at 8. Your DH can Uber home. Or, bring your IPad and hide in a room somewhere and watch a movie.

Agree that the fair thing is to have a taste of the family party, then leave “for kid’s bedtime” and end the evening with cozy time at home. Tell your DH you’d like him to come home with you to have family time with your kid, but if he chooses to stay, then your and your child can make your own traditions.

Anonymous wrote:My husband expects that we spend every Christmas Eve with his family. It's been 11 years since I've been able to be at home on Christmas Eve doing what I want to do - which is reading a book, drinking hot chocolate, and watching It's A Wonderful Life.

We have a six-year-old, and he has to do the "family tour"; see his grandma and cousins for their quarterly gathering. I'm not fond of my in-laws for several reasons, but I really want to spend Christmas Eve at home, by myself, in peace. Is this too much to ask DH?

You've been able to do that the whole time. You are choosing not to, and complaining about it. You don't need to ask your husband. Do what you want.

You and your child can leave at 8. Your DH can Uber home. Or, bring your IPad and hide in a room somewhere and watch a movie.

OP this year go in 2 cars if you have them. You and the 6 year old leave by 8. Time at home, settle in, read a story together, listen to carols, watch that movie, whatever. DC goes to bed, you finish movie, read. Each year DC will be awake for more of the movie.

It's a bad idea to leave kid in drunken family time and have kid ride home with drunk dad.

He can get home in 2nd car or better call taxi or Uber.

I say send DH with the kid, and stay home and read your book.

I am not going to make time around holidays for annoying evenings with my DH's family anymore. Nope. I'm done.

I finally, after about 15 years of spending every Christmas Eve out with them (in an expensive restaurant, that we paid for, with at least one if not two of my SILs rudely treating waitstaff like their own personal servant), put my foot down and said we aren't doing this anymore. There was noise made about me pulling DH away from his family, but DH didn't care and neither did I, and they got over it. Within another couple of years I had pulled out of Christmas day with them as well -- the ridiculous gifting of slippers I won't wear, cheap necklaces I won't wear, books I won't read, etc, does not need to happen. We gave cash, because I was not going to take on buying gifts for DH's entire family and he was not ever going to get around to buying them gifts and wouldn't know what to get even if he did. So he got cash and gave it in envelopes. None of these people need cash. And I don't need a Stephen King book and a pair of cheap slippers. So no harm no foul on that. Again, I was "breaking up the family," and again ... I don't care.

Just say no.

This year, I get to stay home.

But it’s partly because the old people are dead or have dementia.

Xmas is going to get smaller and smaller every year for us.

NP

Why don't you and your DH and kid go visit your family for Christmas?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I wish we could leave at 8PM as a previous poster said, but DH won't. Everyone is drinking heavily (except me), teenagers are sneaking off to the backyard with some adults to smoke week, the party will go on until midnight or later and all the adults are heavily inebriated. My SIL will keep her two kids (6 and 8) there until 1AM.

My inlaws also have this tradition of opening their family gifts in front of all their friends and neighbors on Christmas Even; my husband says his Dad (who passed away), always liked the neighbors to see what they're getting for Christmas. It's just such an odd tradition. If it was a nice, calm gathering of family I would have no trouble going until 8 or 9PM. I'm just not into the late partying.

If everyone is that drunk or high, you can definitely leave. They won't notice. Whether your DH goes with you is up to you and him.

Lots of people wouldn't want their young child around that environment, fwiw.

OP here. I wish we could leave at 8PM as a previous poster said, but DH won't. Everyone is drinking heavily (except me), teenagers are sneaking off to the backyard with some adults to smoke week, the party will go on until midnight or later and all the adults are heavily inebriated. My SIL will keep her two kids (6 and 8) there until 1AM.

My inlaws also have this tradition of opening their family gifts in front of all their friends and neighbors on Christmas Even; my husband says his Dad (who passed away), always liked the neighbors to see what they're getting for Christmas. It's just such an odd tradition. If it was a nice, calm gathering of family I would have no trouble going until 8 or 9PM. I'm just not into the late partying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this has more to do with you not liking them than the excuse of not being able to have your movie time. We have always had an early dinner with my parents on Christmas Eve and were always home early enough to have evening traditions with our kids.

The holidays are when people treasure spending time with family and it’s a time kids learn to appreciate having extended family. So many people live far away or don’t have family.

+1

And it doesn’t sound like they are monsters. People have no social graces anymore. So many misanthropes.

That was my take reading the OP too. Her inertia is more important than fostering greater family tradition with extended family one day out of 365. There’s an absurdly easy compromise here (time shift earlier in the day to inlaws who live 20 mins away. Return home for plenty of hours of nuclear family time)

But TikTok has taught OP that it is healthy and happy to indulge yourself and ice out family.

I am pretty good at boundaries and doing what I want to do with no guilt, but I think you should go to your in-laws. This is now your family’s tradition whether you like it or not. And your husband should be able to see his family for Xmas.

Anonymous wrote:I think this has more to do with you not liking them than the excuse of not being able to have your movie time. We have always had an early dinner with my parents on Christmas Eve and were always home early enough to have evening traditions with our kids.

The holidays are when people treasure spending time with family and it’s a time kids learn to appreciate having extended family. So many people live far away or don’t have family.

+1

And it doesn’t sound like they are monsters. People have no social graces anymore. So many misanthropes.