Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I met my STBX while in med school at age 28. The quality of men was already going down. We didn’t marry for a while and I had thoughts in my early 30s about going down a different path, but he was honestly the best of some really bad options.

In hindsight, I would tell myself and anyone I know that if you are on the market at 29/30 and want kids, it’s better to double down on your career and by a single mom by choice.

The truly good guys had things wrapped up and were tied down by 25/26.

I met my STBX at age 26 shortly after graduating law school and while working at a big law firm. I completely agree with you. Marrying was a huge mistake. I had so much going for me that this horrible man systematically pried from my fingers by simply refusing to do his share with the children and letting me get burnt out. I hope he burns in hell, but I advise any woman who has achieved a nice career for herself to understand that she is in the promised land.

For millennia, women married because that was the way to feed themselves and because they were traded like property. Now, we don't have to deal with men in order to survive and thrive anymore. Resist the propaganda about two-parent families. Most married families still have just one parent: the mom and the father is an appendage at best.

If you're able to achieve and feed yourself well, don't add some man to the mix.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The trouble is "good" isn't good enough.

Men can be "good" and be lazy, unambitious or boring. This describes a lot of men and tonnes of women end up shackled to them.

Men can be sh*tty and sexy. The sheen quickly wears off these guys.

Men can be "sh*tty" and lazy, unambitious or boring. This is the biggest population. They are nobodies though occasionally they can nab a woman with low self-esteem.

Men can be good and sexy, but that is extremely rare, no matter the age. Obviously those guys get swept up fast and have a lot of options.

This was me. To expand on this, what I advise young women today in the modern western world is, spend your early and mid-twenties focusing on college and career and become self-sufficient by mid to late twenties. Then choose to become a single mom by 30, with a guy who has whatever traits you might want in your potential kids (attractiveness, intelligence, morals, whatever). That might be the tatted up bartender a PP mentioned, or a neurosurgeon or anything in between. Once you have a kid or kids, you then have decades to find your "soulmate", there is no rush because you already have kids, and if you find a soulmate great, if not you can invest your time and energy into your family. There is no law saying the father of your kids has to be your husband, your soulmate--it's just convention. A convention that no longer makes sense in a world where women are outpacing men at every turn and fewer men make the cut.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The trouble is "good" isn't good enough.

Men can be "good" and be lazy, unambitious or boring. This describes a lot of men and tonnes of women end up shackled to them.

Men can be sh*tty and sexy. The sheen quickly wears off these guys.

Men can be "sh*tty" and lazy, unambitious or boring. This is the biggest population. They are nobodies though occasionally they can nab a woman with low self-esteem.

Men can be good and sexy, but that is extremely rare, no matter the age. Obviously those guys get swept up fast and have a lot of options.

This was me. To expand on this, what I advise young women today in the modern western world is, spend your early and mid-twenties focusing on college and career and become self-sufficient by mid to late twenties. Then choose to become a single mom by 30, with a guy who has whatever traits you might want in your potential kids (attractiveness, intelligence, morals, whatever). That might be the tatted up bartender a PP mentioned, or a neurosurgeon or anything in between. Once you have a kid or kids, you then have decades to find your "soulmate", there is no rush because you already have kids, and if you find a soulmate great, if not you can invest your time and energy into your family. There is no law saying the father of your kids has to be your husband, your soulmate--it's just convention. A convention that no longer makes sense in a world where women are outpacing men at every turn and fewer men make the cut.

Precisely this. The better option is to go the donor route and select the sex for female and eliminate the male involvement altogether. Once you have your daughter(s) and friends, I bet you find you won’t want anything else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The trouble is "good" isn't good enough.

Men can be "good" and be lazy, unambitious or boring. This describes a lot of men and tonnes of women end up shackled to them.

Men can be sh*tty and sexy. The sheen quickly wears off these guys.

Men can be "sh*tty" and lazy, unambitious or boring. This is the biggest population. They are nobodies though occasionally they can nab a woman with low self-esteem.

Men can be good and sexy, but that is extremely rare, no matter the age. Obviously those guys get swept up fast and have a lot of options.

This was me. To expand on this, what I advise young women today in the modern western world is, spend your early and mid-twenties focusing on college and career and become self-sufficient by mid to late twenties. Then choose to become a single mom by 30, with a guy who has whatever traits you might want in your potential kids (attractiveness, intelligence, morals, whatever). That might be the tatted up bartender a PP mentioned, or a neurosurgeon or anything in between. Once you have a kid or kids, you then have decades to find your "soulmate", there is no rush because you already have kids, and if you find a soulmate great, if not you can invest your time and energy into your family. There is no law saying the father of your kids has to be your husband, your soulmate--it's just convention. A convention that no longer makes sense in a world where women are outpacing men at every turn and fewer men make the cut.

This is a wonderful guide for dying alone.

What's the catch?

I'm only half kidding. When you take into the odds wives usually outlive their husbands and the odds your lifelong do-nothing dh of 40 years is going to miraculously step up and care for you at the end, I'll take my chances on being a single mom.

Anonymous wrote:I met my STBX while in med school at age 28. The quality of men was already going down. We didn’t marry for a while and I had thoughts in my early 30s about going down a different path, but he was honestly the best of some really bad options.

In hindsight, I would tell myself and anyone I know that if you are on the market at 29/30 and want kids, it’s better to double down on your career and by a single mom by choice.

The truly good guys had things wrapped up and were tied down by 25/26.

Anonymous wrote:I met my STBX while in med school at age 28. The quality of men was already going down. We didn’t marry for a while and I had thoughts in my early 30s about going down a different path, but he was honestly the best of some really bad options.

In hindsight, I would tell myself and anyone I know that if you are on the market at 29/30 and want kids, it’s better to double down on your career and by a single mom by choice.

The truly good guys had things wrapped up and were tied down by 25/26.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not all, but most. There are some that will get out of starter marriages but if they had kids in in those marriages then you're signing up for the blended family show (before you come for me I grew up in one).

I finished med school at 30 and did not want to get married before then. I can confidently say that once I was in the working world and a busy attending, I was astonished at how fast the quality of men dropped. I remember going out on an online date at 32 (ugh, I was so young) and having the guy tell me, on the date, that he had five children with his STBXW and also that he had been "robbed online" before our date and could I pay for dinner.

I'm sure there are hopeful stories out there but I talk with my DD about the timing of education/career goals/marriage, and if she wants to accomplish certain things about the importance of how she dates in her 20's. I don't want her married young. But the cute bartender with 8 tats and no goals isn't going to be the guy (unless he's tending bar at night and going to grad school during the day). It's harsh, and I know it sounds anti-feminist. But women have about ten years starting at age 20 to make decisions that will set the course of their lives re: finances, marriage, career, and children. Some strategy is required, unromantic as it may sound.

This is an excellent point. I wish I had someone to offer me this insight before I married the wrong person at twenty-two.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The trouble is "good" isn't good enough.

Men can be "good" and be lazy, unambitious or boring. This describes a lot of men and tonnes of women end up shackled to them.

Men can be sh*tty and sexy. The sheen quickly wears off these guys.

Men can be "sh*tty" and lazy, unambitious or boring. This is the biggest population. They are nobodies though occasionally they can nab a woman with low self-esteem.

Men can be good and sexy, but that is extremely rare, no matter the age. Obviously those guys get swept up fast and have a lot of options.

This was me. To expand on this, what I advise young women today in the modern western world is, spend your early and mid-twenties focusing on college and career and become self-sufficient by mid to late twenties. Then choose to become a single mom by 30, with a guy who has whatever traits you might want in your potential kids (attractiveness, intelligence, morals, whatever). That might be the tatted up bartender a PP mentioned, or a neurosurgeon or anything in between. Once you have a kid or kids, you then have decades to find your "soulmate", there is no rush because you already have kids, and if you find a soulmate great, if not you can invest your time and energy into your family. There is no law saying the father of your kids has to be your husband, your soulmate--it's just convention. A convention that no longer makes sense in a world where women are outpacing men at every turn and fewer men make the cut.

This is a wonderful guide for dying alone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The trouble is "good" isn't good enough.

Men can be "good" and be lazy, unambitious or boring. This describes a lot of men and tonnes of women end up shackled to them.

Men can be sh*tty and sexy. The sheen quickly wears off these guys.

Men can be "sh*tty" and lazy, unambitious or boring. This is the biggest population. They are nobodies though occasionally they can nab a woman with low self-esteem.

Men can be good and sexy, but that is extremely rare, no matter the age. Obviously those guys get swept up fast and have a lot of options.

This was me. To expand on this, what I advise young women today in the modern western world is, spend your early and mid-twenties focusing on college and career and become self-sufficient by mid to late twenties. Then choose to become a single mom by 30, with a guy who has whatever traits you might want in your potential kids (attractiveness, intelligence, morals, whatever). That might be the tatted up bartender a PP mentioned, or a neurosurgeon or anything in between. Once you have a kid or kids, you then have decades to find your "soulmate", there is no rush because you already have kids, and if you find a soulmate great, if not you can invest your time and energy into your family. There is no law saying the father of your kids has to be your husband, your soulmate--it's just convention. A convention that no longer makes sense in a world where women are outpacing men at every turn and fewer men make the cut.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The trouble is "good" isn't good enough.

Men can be "good" and be lazy, unambitious or boring. This describes a lot of men and tonnes of women end up shackled to them.

Men can be sh*tty and sexy. The sheen quickly wears off these guys.

Men can be "sh*tty" and lazy, unambitious or boring. This is the biggest population. They are nobodies though occasionally they can nab a woman with low self-esteem.

Men can be good and sexy, but that is extremely rare, no matter the age. Obviously those guys get swept up fast and have a lot of options.

This was me. To expand on this, what I advise young women today in the modern western world is, spend your early and mid-twenties focusing on college and career and become self-sufficient by mid to late twenties. Then choose to become a single mom by 30, with a guy who has whatever traits you might want in your potential kids (attractiveness, intelligence, morals, whatever). That might be the tatted up bartender a PP mentioned, or a neurosurgeon or anything in between. Once you have a kid or kids, you then have decades to find your "soulmate", there is no rush because you already have kids, and if you find a soulmate great, if not you can invest your time and energy into your family. There is no law saying the father of your kids has to be your husband, your soulmate--it's just convention. A convention that no longer makes sense in a world where women are outpacing men at every turn and fewer men make the cut.

Anonymous wrote:The trouble is "good" isn't good enough.

Men can be "good" and be lazy, unambitious or boring. This describes a lot of men and tonnes of women end up shackled to them.

Men can be sh*tty and sexy. The sheen quickly wears off these guys.

Men can be "sh*tty" and lazy, unambitious or boring. This is the biggest population. They are nobodies though occasionally they can nab a woman with low self-esteem.

Men can be good and sexy, but that is extremely rare, no matter the age. Obviously those guys get swept up fast and have a lot of options.

Anonymous wrote:It happens with women, too!