Anonymous
12/02/2025 13:55
Subject: School has labeled my child as a “problem child”
Is this a private school? If so, consider your public school for next year, and get supports for her in place before the start of next year. That means getting a diagnosis and your own team of professionals who can advise what environment would work best for her. Then you take that knowledge to the school, call an IEP meeting, and get them to agree to the supports she needs.
Use the information from this year to help guide you. Take note of her struggles and when and where they occur so you can advocate on her behalf. Like is she always runs away from music class, could there be an auditory sensory issue? If she screams in math class could she have a number dyslexia problem that is frustrating her? Use what info the school gives you as clues.
She is young and you are new to this. It will probably get better with knowledge and time, but you need to have the right tools and information to fight with.
Use the information from this year to help guide you. Take note of her struggles and when and where they occur so you can advocate on her behalf. Like is she always runs away from music class, could there be an auditory sensory issue? If she screams in math class could she have a number dyslexia problem that is frustrating her? Use what info the school gives you as clues.
She is young and you are new to this. It will probably get better with knowledge and time, but you need to have the right tools and information to fight with.
Anonymous
12/02/2025 13:29
Subject: School has labeled my child as a “problem child”
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don't think that any poster is doing the OP -- who says she herself has a well documented mental health problem -- any favors in suggesting the school might be the issue.
I could not disagree more. Schools absolutely flail with kids who diverge from the norm in behavior. OP seems clear that her child needs supports- but the school is literally not doing a single thing to help the kid, and likely a lot of things to make it worse.
OP you have gotten a surprising amount of good advice on this thread - I expected it to be more like PP here. You could also try posting on the SN forum.
My opinion is that you should move schools to a public (if you are not there) or a different public. Privates generally cannot handle defiant behavior or eloping. This teacher and principal have showed you that they have zero understanding or care for your daughter’s challenges. I can’t tell you how much we suffered from the same when my kiddo was younger and had similar issues.
I think that elementary schools struggle with kids that don’t fit a mold. For reasons I don’t totally understand, teachers and administrators never seemed to understand my DS until middle school. Not all of them do, but there are a significant number that really get him now, and the ones that don’t are still more capable of rolling with it. I think maybe that’s because people who choose to work in MS don’t have some illusion that kids are all little rays of sunshine, so they are less thrown off by “bad” behavior.
That said schools and teachers absolutely differ even in elementary. This school is not working for your kid, so you should leave sooner rather than later. That’s hard to do when kids are older but easy in K.
It also sounds like she will need a diagnosis to access more supports eventually. So get going on that. The key to getting an IEP is documenting that her behavior is the issue so this is an easier lift than some other kids. But you still need a disability (or a “developmental delay”) in some school systems. when my child’s main issue was behavioral health got an IEP under the developmental delay code with no diagnosis at all (just severely delayed fine motor). I am a very adamant plaintiff’s lawyer so I was able to make that happen on my own but you may need an advocate. GL! You are not alone.
Sounds like you had a terrible experience. But, generalizing your experience to say that all schools flail with kids who don't follow the mold is crazy. And to minimize OP's daughter's behaviors is not helpful. Her daughter is eloping. Her daughter is being defiant. Her daughter is throwing fits. Her daughter needs interventions. And, while you talk about the need to document, you fail to realize that this is what the school is actually doing so they are way ahead of your advice. Your anger stands in the way of your ability to be really helpful.
Not the Lawyer poster here but if the school has noted the issue of elopement and shutting down in class and has suspended the student but has not called for a meeting to discuss the need for testing then the school is not handling the situation well.
A child who is eloping should lead to the school initiating meetings with the parents to get permission to test for issues. If the school has reached out to the parents and the parents have not agreed to a meeting, that is a different scenario. OPs post doesn't say how the school has discussed this with the parents or if they have requested, in writing, a meeting to discuss testing and evaluation for their kid. The OPs post does not mention conversations with their pediatrician about their kids' issues. I assume that there has been some type of evaluation because of the play therapy but that has not been stated.
I wouldn't jump straight to needing an advocate but I would not count on the school to be doing the right thing either. The OP needs to start the process with the school. If the school has been reaching out and the parents have not agreed to a meeting or an evaluation, then I can see that the school is gathering data to force the issue.
PP to which you were responding. I see this completely in a different light. OP’s child is a problem child. She displays dangerous behaviors (eloping, throwing fits and being defiant) and is demonstrating that she can’t perform in that environment (shutting down).
She has not been suspended. Instead she is on ISS, which can be their way of removing her from a situation causing her great distress and providing her with time to decompress before returning g to what is likely a chaotic classroom.
The school is trying to involve parents by regular contact but they seem to be burying their heads in the sand until now.
By both of these actions, the school is creating the documentation for potential interventions - kind of like an FBA.
I do agree that OP needs to look into evaluations and also, if this is public school, looking into special education services through either a 504 or an IEP. Personally even with the little information we know, I’d guess an IEP is the more appropriate because of the elopement and possibly the throwing fits. And at that age, the shutting down and need for decompression time might also need an IEP.
Nope. You are incredibly naive if you believe the school is doing anything proactive or helpful here. There is very little OP can do from home to solve school problems - so the school simply calling her to tell her does zero to actually help.
Anonymous
12/02/2025 13:06
Subject: School has labeled my child as a “problem child”
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don't think that any poster is doing the OP -- who says she herself has a well documented mental health problem -- any favors in suggesting the school might be the issue.
I could not disagree more. Schools absolutely flail with kids who diverge from the norm in behavior. OP seems clear that her child needs supports- but the school is literally not doing a single thing to help the kid, and likely a lot of things to make it worse.
OP you have gotten a surprising amount of good advice on this thread - I expected it to be more like PP here. You could also try posting on the SN forum.
My opinion is that you should move schools to a public (if you are not there) or a different public. Privates generally cannot handle defiant behavior or eloping. This teacher and principal have showed you that they have zero understanding or care for your daughter’s challenges. I can’t tell you how much we suffered from the same when my kiddo was younger and had similar issues.
I think that elementary schools struggle with kids that don’t fit a mold. For reasons I don’t totally understand, teachers and administrators never seemed to understand my DS until middle school. Not all of them do, but there are a significant number that really get him now, and the ones that don’t are still more capable of rolling with it. I think maybe that’s because people who choose to work in MS don’t have some illusion that kids are all little rays of sunshine, so they are less thrown off by “bad” behavior.
That said schools and teachers absolutely differ even in elementary. This school is not working for your kid, so you should leave sooner rather than later. That’s hard to do when kids are older but easy in K.
It also sounds like she will need a diagnosis to access more supports eventually. So get going on that. The key to getting an IEP is documenting that her behavior is the issue so this is an easier lift than some other kids. But you still need a disability (or a “developmental delay”) in some school systems. when my child’s main issue was behavioral health got an IEP under the developmental delay code with no diagnosis at all (just severely delayed fine motor). I am a very adamant plaintiff’s lawyer so I was able to make that happen on my own but you may need an advocate. GL! You are not alone.
Sounds like you had a terrible experience. But, generalizing your experience to say that all schools flail with kids who don't follow the mold is crazy. And to minimize OP's daughter's behaviors is not helpful. Her daughter is eloping. Her daughter is being defiant. Her daughter is throwing fits. Her daughter needs interventions. And, while you talk about the need to document, you fail to realize that this is what the school is actually doing so they are way ahead of your advice. Your anger stands in the way of your ability to be really helpful.
Not the Lawyer poster here but if the school has noted the issue of elopement and shutting down in class and has suspended the student but has not called for a meeting to discuss the need for testing then the school is not handling the situation well.
A child who is eloping should lead to the school initiating meetings with the parents to get permission to test for issues. If the school has reached out to the parents and the parents have not agreed to a meeting, that is a different scenario. OPs post doesn't say how the school has discussed this with the parents or if they have requested, in writing, a meeting to discuss testing and evaluation for their kid. The OPs post does not mention conversations with their pediatrician about their kids' issues. I assume that there has been some type of evaluation because of the play therapy but that has not been stated.
I wouldn't jump straight to needing an advocate but I would not count on the school to be doing the right thing either. The OP needs to start the process with the school. If the school has been reaching out and the parents have not agreed to a meeting or an evaluation, then I can see that the school is gathering data to force the issue.
PP to which you were responding. I see this completely in a different light. OP’s child is a problem child. She displays dangerous behaviors (eloping, throwing fits and being defiant) and is demonstrating that she can’t perform in that environment (shutting down).
She has not been suspended. Instead she is on ISS, which can be their way of removing her from a situation causing her great distress and providing her with time to decompress before returning g to what is likely a chaotic classroom.
The school is trying to involve parents by regular contact but they seem to be burying their heads in the sand until now.
By both of these actions, the school is creating the documentation for potential interventions - kind of like an FBA.
I do agree that OP needs to look into evaluations and also, if this is public school, looking into special education services through either a 504 or an IEP. Personally even with the little information we know, I’d guess an IEP is the more appropriate because of the elopement and possibly the throwing fits. And at that age, the shutting down and need for decompression time might also need an IEP.
Anonymous
12/02/2025 12:57
Subject: School has labeled my child as a “problem child”
Anonymous wrote:It's very possible that the school is acting inappropriately, and it's certainly possible that once she's gotten the "problem child" label, she's getting punished more severely than others would for minor infractions like not wanting to talk.
But it's also crystal clear from your OP that you have your head in the sand.
Your whole first paragraph, where you setup the problem, is about her shutting down, not talking, being silent, and how she's in therapy to help with that.
In smaller throwaways later, though, you mention "throwing a fit" and "walking the halls without an adult." THOSE ARE THE PROBLEM. She's not in eighth grade, she's not in the hall without a hall pass. She's in Kindergarten! That's running away or eloping and it's incredibly dangerous to your child. Plus - throwing fits? What does that look like? Is she hitting or kicking other kids? Throwing things? Creating an unsafe environment? Yelling and scaring other kids? That's a HUGE problem that impacts everyone's ability to learn.
Instead of focusing on the few areas where the school is overreacting, you need to focus your attention on the real issues that are creating safety issues and preventing the whole class (including your daughter) from learning. To address those, I would recommend another post in the SN forum where you can get tips from parents who have been there - she may need testing and diagnosis, an IEP, additional therapies, you may need additional parenting techniques, who knows.
I'm sure she's a great kid, and you love her, but glossing over the real problems she's creating at school is not helping her. You need to face those head on.
Sure … but the school (which has the responsibility to proactively address SN) is labeling the child the problem child instead of giving her supports. OP may have her head in the sand, but part of that is believing that the school is capable of rising to the occasion without the invocation of legal rights. Even then it may not work. If there is another school option it would be good to explore.
Anonymous
12/02/2025 10:01
Subject: School has labeled my child as a “problem child”
It's very possible that the school is acting inappropriately, and it's certainly possible that once she's gotten the "problem child" label, she's getting punished more severely than others would for minor infractions like not wanting to talk.
But it's also crystal clear from your OP that you have your head in the sand.
Your whole first paragraph, where you setup the problem, is about her shutting down, not talking, being silent, and how she's in therapy to help with that.
In smaller throwaways later, though, you mention "throwing a fit" and "walking the halls without an adult." THOSE ARE THE PROBLEM. She's not in eighth grade, she's not in the hall without a hall pass. She's in Kindergarten! That's running away or eloping and it's incredibly dangerous to your child. Plus - throwing fits? What does that look like? Is she hitting or kicking other kids? Throwing things? Creating an unsafe environment? Yelling and scaring other kids? That's a HUGE problem that impacts everyone's ability to learn.
Instead of focusing on the few areas where the school is overreacting, you need to focus your attention on the real issues that are creating safety issues and preventing the whole class (including your daughter) from learning. To address those, I would recommend another post in the SN forum where you can get tips from parents who have been there - she may need testing and diagnosis, an IEP, additional therapies, you may need additional parenting techniques, who knows.
I'm sure she's a great kid, and you love her, but glossing over the real problems she's creating at school is not helping her. You need to face those head on.
But it's also crystal clear from your OP that you have your head in the sand.
Your whole first paragraph, where you setup the problem, is about her shutting down, not talking, being silent, and how she's in therapy to help with that.
In smaller throwaways later, though, you mention "throwing a fit" and "walking the halls without an adult." THOSE ARE THE PROBLEM. She's not in eighth grade, she's not in the hall without a hall pass. She's in Kindergarten! That's running away or eloping and it's incredibly dangerous to your child. Plus - throwing fits? What does that look like? Is she hitting or kicking other kids? Throwing things? Creating an unsafe environment? Yelling and scaring other kids? That's a HUGE problem that impacts everyone's ability to learn.
Instead of focusing on the few areas where the school is overreacting, you need to focus your attention on the real issues that are creating safety issues and preventing the whole class (including your daughter) from learning. To address those, I would recommend another post in the SN forum where you can get tips from parents who have been there - she may need testing and diagnosis, an IEP, additional therapies, you may need additional parenting techniques, who knows.
I'm sure she's a great kid, and you love her, but glossing over the real problems she's creating at school is not helping her. You need to face those head on.
Anonymous
12/02/2025 09:47
Subject: School has labeled my child as a “problem child”
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:she might have ADHD
I realize adhd is not the same for everyone but my DD has adhd and has none of these behaviors. None.
Sure. But this kid likely needs some label to get services and ADHD is the go-to these days.
Anonymous
12/02/2025 09:35
Subject: School has labeled my child as a “problem child”
Anonymous wrote:she might have ADHD
I realize adhd is not the same for everyone but my DD has adhd and has none of these behaviors. None.
Anonymous
12/02/2025 09:33
Subject: School has labeled my child as a “problem child”
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don't think that any poster is doing the OP -- who says she herself has a well documented mental health problem -- any favors in suggesting the school might be the issue.
I could not disagree more. Schools absolutely flail with kids who diverge from the norm in behavior. OP seems clear that her child needs supports- but the school is literally not doing a single thing to help the kid, and likely a lot of things to make it worse.
OP you have gotten a surprising amount of good advice on this thread - I expected it to be more like PP here. You could also try posting on the SN forum.
My opinion is that you should move schools to a public (if you are not there) or a different public. Privates generally cannot handle defiant behavior or eloping. This teacher and principal have showed you that they have zero understanding or care for your daughter’s challenges. I can’t tell you how much we suffered from the same when my kiddo was younger and had similar issues.
I think that elementary schools struggle with kids that don’t fit a mold. For reasons I don’t totally understand, teachers and administrators never seemed to understand my DS until middle school. Not all of them do, but there are a significant number that really get him now, and the ones that don’t are still more capable of rolling with it. I think maybe that’s because people who choose to work in MS don’t have some illusion that kids are all little rays of sunshine, so they are less thrown off by “bad” behavior.
That said schools and teachers absolutely differ even in elementary. This school is not working for your kid, so you should leave sooner rather than later. That’s hard to do when kids are older but easy in K.
It also sounds like she will need a diagnosis to access more supports eventually. So get going on that. The key to getting an IEP is documenting that her behavior is the issue so this is an easier lift than some other kids. But you still need a disability (or a “developmental delay”) in some school systems. when my child’s main issue was behavioral health got an IEP under the developmental delay code with no diagnosis at all (just severely delayed fine motor). I am a very adamant plaintiff’s lawyer so I was able to make that happen on my own but you may need an advocate. GL! You are not alone.
Sounds like you had a terrible experience. But, generalizing your experience to say that all schools flail with kids who don't follow the mold is crazy. And to minimize OP's daughter's behaviors is not helpful. Her daughter is eloping. Her daughter is being defiant. Her daughter is throwing fits. Her daughter needs interventions. And, while you talk about the need to document, you fail to realize that this is what the school is actually doing so they are way ahead of your advice. Your anger stands in the way of your ability to be really helpful.
Not the Lawyer poster here but if the school has noted the issue of elopement and shutting down in class and has suspended the student but has not called for a meeting to discuss the need for testing then the school is not handling the situation well.
A child who is eloping should lead to the school initiating meetings with the parents to get permission to test for issues. If the school has reached out to the parents and the parents have not agreed to a meeting, that is a different scenario. OPs post doesn't say how the school has discussed this with the parents or if they have requested, in writing, a meeting to discuss testing and evaluation for their kid. The OPs post does not mention conversations with their pediatrician about their kids' issues. I assume that there has been some type of evaluation because of the play therapy but that has not been stated.
I wouldn't jump straight to needing an advocate but I would not count on the school to be doing the right thing either. The OP needs to start the process with the school. If the school has been reaching out and the parents have not agreed to a meeting or an evaluation, then I can see that the school is gathering data to force the issue.
Anonymous
12/02/2025 09:17
Subject: School has labeled my child as a “problem child”
she might have ADHD
Anonymous
12/02/2025 09:17
Subject: School has labeled my child as a “problem child”
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don't think that any poster is doing the OP -- who says she herself has a well documented mental health problem -- any favors in suggesting the school might be the issue.
I could not disagree more. Schools absolutely flail with kids who diverge from the norm in behavior. OP seems clear that her child needs supports- but the school is literally not doing a single thing to help the kid, and likely a lot of things to make it worse.
OP you have gotten a surprising amount of good advice on this thread - I expected it to be more like PP here. You could also try posting on the SN forum.
My opinion is that you should move schools to a public (if you are not there) or a different public. Privates generally cannot handle defiant behavior or eloping. This teacher and principal have showed you that they have zero understanding or care for your daughter’s challenges. I can’t tell you how much we suffered from the same when my kiddo was younger and had similar issues.
I think that elementary schools struggle with kids that don’t fit a mold. For reasons I don’t totally understand, teachers and administrators never seemed to understand my DS until middle school. Not all of them do, but there are a significant number that really get him now, and the ones that don’t are still more capable of rolling with it. I think maybe that’s because people who choose to work in MS don’t have some illusion that kids are all little rays of sunshine, so they are less thrown off by “bad” behavior.
That said schools and teachers absolutely differ even in elementary. This school is not working for your kid, so you should leave sooner rather than later. That’s hard to do when kids are older but easy in K.
It also sounds like she will need a diagnosis to access more supports eventually. So get going on that. The key to getting an IEP is documenting that her behavior is the issue so this is an easier lift than some other kids. But you still need a disability (or a “developmental delay”) in some school systems. when my child’s main issue was behavioral health got an IEP under the developmental delay code with no diagnosis at all (just severely delayed fine motor). I am a very adamant plaintiff’s lawyer so I was able to make that happen on my own but you may need an advocate. GL! You are not alone.
Sounds like you had a terrible experience. But, generalizing your experience to say that all schools flail with kids who don't follow the mold is crazy. And to minimize OP's daughter's behaviors is not helpful. Her daughter is eloping. Her daughter is being defiant. Her daughter is throwing fits. Her daughter needs interventions. And, while you talk about the need to document, you fail to realize that this is what the school is actually doing so they are way ahead of your advice. Your anger stands in the way of your ability to be really helpful.
I have BTDT and can detect when a school is out of its depth and not helping. In some cases you can work with the school but with a very young child and a school clearly not getting it, leaving the school is often the best option. Contrary to what you claim, the school doesn’t appear to be doing anything to actually support the kid (or her parents). If you think schools hand out IEPs proactively like candy, good luck to you.
Anonymous
12/02/2025 09:13
Subject: School has labeled my child as a “problem child”
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, is she in a title 1 school or similar? I have noticed very strict punitive discipline in a lot of them (I work at a lot is school sites in my district). It’s much more understanding and relaxed at schools with more middle class families. I think it’s both accountability (parents will come fight for their kids) and overall fewer severe discipline issues.
I work full time at a Title I school and it is not like this at ALL at my school. We have a high immigrant population and we know that a lot of our students have had traumatic experiences and that may inform their behavior. We also know that parents can’t always afford therapy like at higher income schools so while the school offers as much counseling as possible, there are many undiagnosed and unresolved issues. Very few suspensions, in or out of school.
Op, the elopement is a big issue. What kind of school is it? Can you afford to pay for 1:1 para support for your child?
I’m sure you’re stressed out. I hope you can find the right space and balance for your child so she can develop healfhy coping strategies as she gets older. GL!!
Just to add some nuance - my “problem” kid is also in a T1 school and I do feel like there are more resources and a better overall culture to support kids. Including very clear and tight discipline which may look like “tough love.” But the problem has sometimes been that my kid actually doesn’t have trauma so “trauma informed” doesn’t work for him. In fact “tough love” is sometimes better. But at the end of the day I agree that T1 schools sometimes do it much better.
Anonymous
12/02/2025 09:12
Subject: School has labeled my child as a “problem child”
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don't think that any poster is doing the OP -- who says she herself has a well documented mental health problem -- any favors in suggesting the school might be the issue.
I could not disagree more. Schools absolutely flail with kids who diverge from the norm in behavior. OP seems clear that her child needs supports- but the school is literally not doing a single thing to help the kid, and likely a lot of things to make it worse.
OP you have gotten a surprising amount of good advice on this thread - I expected it to be more like PP here. You could also try posting on the SN forum.
My opinion is that you should move schools to a public (if you are not there) or a different public. Privates generally cannot handle defiant behavior or eloping. This teacher and principal have showed you that they have zero understanding or care for your daughter’s challenges. I can’t tell you how much we suffered from the same when my kiddo was younger and had similar issues.
I think that elementary schools struggle with kids that don’t fit a mold. For reasons I don’t totally understand, teachers and administrators never seemed to understand my DS until middle school. Not all of them do, but there are a significant number that really get him now, and the ones that don’t are still more capable of rolling with it. I think maybe that’s because people who choose to work in MS don’t have some illusion that kids are all little rays of sunshine, so they are less thrown off by “bad” behavior.
That said schools and teachers absolutely differ even in elementary. This school is not working for your kid, so you should leave sooner rather than later. That’s hard to do when kids are older but easy in K.
It also sounds like she will need a diagnosis to access more supports eventually. So get going on that. The key to getting an IEP is documenting that her behavior is the issue so this is an easier lift than some other kids. But you still need a disability (or a “developmental delay”) in some school systems. when my child’s main issue was behavioral health got an IEP under the developmental delay code with no diagnosis at all (just severely delayed fine motor). I am a very adamant plaintiff’s lawyer so I was able to make that happen on my own but you may need an advocate. GL! You are not alone.
This explains your attitude.
That’s right - I am my kid’s best advocate.
Interesting how you have no response to the clearly well deserved criticism that your post has been receiving, though.
Anonymous
12/02/2025 09:10
Subject: School has labeled my child as a “problem child”
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don't think that any poster is doing the OP -- who says she herself has a well documented mental health problem -- any favors in suggesting the school might be the issue.
I could not disagree more. Schools absolutely flail with kids who diverge from the norm in behavior. OP seems clear that her child needs supports- but the school is literally not doing a single thing to help the kid, and likely a lot of things to make it worse.
OP you have gotten a surprising amount of good advice on this thread - I expected it to be more like PP here. You could also try posting on the SN forum.
My opinion is that you should move schools to a public (if you are not there) or a different public. Privates generally cannot handle defiant behavior or eloping. This teacher and principal have showed you that they have zero understanding or care for your daughter’s challenges. I can’t tell you how much we suffered from the same when my kiddo was younger and had similar issues.
I think that elementary schools struggle with kids that don’t fit a mold. For reasons I don’t totally understand, teachers and administrators never seemed to understand my DS until middle school. Not all of them do, but there are a significant number that really get him now, and the ones that don’t are still more capable of rolling with it. I think maybe that’s because people who choose to work in MS don’t have some illusion that kids are all little rays of sunshine, so they are less thrown off by “bad” behavior.
That said schools and teachers absolutely differ even in elementary. This school is not working for your kid, so you should leave sooner rather than later. That’s hard to do when kids are older but easy in K.
It also sounds like she will need a diagnosis to access more supports eventually. So get going on that. The key to getting an IEP is documenting that her behavior is the issue so this is an easier lift than some other kids. But you still need a disability (or a “developmental delay”) in some school systems. when my child’s main issue was behavioral health got an IEP under the developmental delay code with no diagnosis at all (just severely delayed fine motor). I am a very adamant plaintiff’s lawyer so I was able to make that happen on my own but you may need an advocate. GL! You are not alone.
This explains your attitude.
That’s right - I am my kid’s best advocate.
Anonymous
12/02/2025 09:02
Subject: Re:School has labeled my child as a “problem child”
Schools are in a hard position, they are expected to provide services to every kid who needs them regardless of the cost. SPED is a huge percentage of a schools budget now and it is only getting worse due to poor behaviors from kids who have parents not parenting and having outbursts.
Schools are trying to make the system work with band aids and are incentivized to not provide services for kids. If you have a kid on grade level, even if that is a C, with a learning issue, you are not likely to get an IEP without a serious fight. DS had a whole word stutter and articulation issues in K. The speech therapist said that his testing showed he was advanced so he was not eligible for speech at school because there was no impact on his ability to learn. His K teacher fought that, she could see where the stutter and articulation would impact his ability to participate in the future. We got lucky and he was placed in speech, he was there until 6th grade.
There are reasons for advocates and lawyers, some schools are notoriously stingy with providing services because they don't have the staff/money to handle the needs. It sucks for the school, the kids, and the parents. There are also people who abuse the system or insist that their kid has to have accommodations that are expensive and not necessary. Parents forget that the goal is to get kids on grade level and not to work with them to reach their full potential. The latter is the ideal, but the schools simply cannot do that. Plenty of kids can be at grade level with 504s and not IEPs but there are kids who need the specialized services. Public schools are in a crappy place because teachers want to help kids reach their potential but there is not enough money to do that.
Schools are trying to make the system work with band aids and are incentivized to not provide services for kids. If you have a kid on grade level, even if that is a C, with a learning issue, you are not likely to get an IEP without a serious fight. DS had a whole word stutter and articulation issues in K. The speech therapist said that his testing showed he was advanced so he was not eligible for speech at school because there was no impact on his ability to learn. His K teacher fought that, she could see where the stutter and articulation would impact his ability to participate in the future. We got lucky and he was placed in speech, he was there until 6th grade.
There are reasons for advocates and lawyers, some schools are notoriously stingy with providing services because they don't have the staff/money to handle the needs. It sucks for the school, the kids, and the parents. There are also people who abuse the system or insist that their kid has to have accommodations that are expensive and not necessary. Parents forget that the goal is to get kids on grade level and not to work with them to reach their full potential. The latter is the ideal, but the schools simply cannot do that. Plenty of kids can be at grade level with 504s and not IEPs but there are kids who need the specialized services. Public schools are in a crappy place because teachers want to help kids reach their potential but there is not enough money to do that.
Anonymous
12/02/2025 08:28
Subject: School has labeled my child as a “problem child”
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don't think that any poster is doing the OP -- who says she herself has a well documented mental health problem -- any favors in suggesting the school might be the issue.
I could not disagree more. Schools absolutely flail with kids who diverge from the norm in behavior. OP seems clear that her child needs supports- but the school is literally not doing a single thing to help the kid, and likely a lot of things to make it worse.
OP you have gotten a surprising amount of good advice on this thread - I expected it to be more like PP here. You could also try posting on the SN forum.
My opinion is that you should move schools to a public (if you are not there) or a different public. Privates generally cannot handle defiant behavior or eloping. This teacher and principal have showed you that they have zero understanding or care for your daughter’s challenges. I can’t tell you how much we suffered from the same when my kiddo was younger and had similar issues.
I think that elementary schools struggle with kids that don’t fit a mold. For reasons I don’t totally understand, teachers and administrators never seemed to understand my DS until middle school. Not all of them do, but there are a significant number that really get him now, and the ones that don’t are still more capable of rolling with it. I think maybe that’s because people who choose to work in MS don’t have some illusion that kids are all little rays of sunshine, so they are less thrown off by “bad” behavior.
That said schools and teachers absolutely differ even in elementary. This school is not working for your kid, so you should leave sooner rather than later. That’s hard to do when kids are older but easy in K.
It also sounds like she will need a diagnosis to access more supports eventually. So get going on that. The key to getting an IEP is documenting that her behavior is the issue so this is an easier lift than some other kids. But you still need a disability (or a “developmental delay”) in some school systems. when my child’s main issue was behavioral health got an IEP under the developmental delay code with no diagnosis at all (just severely delayed fine motor). I am a very adamant plaintiff’s lawyer so I was able to make that happen on my own but you may need an advocate. GL! You are not alone.
This is just so great. A "plaintiffs lawyer" who is so quick to make huge and sweeping generalizations about private schools and public schools and to label OP's school as a bunch of know nothings and do nothings without even knowing if it's private or public and all on the basis of a couple of one-sided paragraphs by a poster who says she herself has mental health challenges and on an anonymous forum.
I'll be she files lots and lots of frivolous lawsuits.
+1,000