Anonymous wrote:Today’s my birthday. I told my boyfriend a week in advance I’d like him to come over today and spend time at my place for my bday. he said he didn’t know if he was free.

I was disappointed and have been taking space this week assuming we won’t see each other. he texted this afternoon asking if I could come over because he wanted to cook me a nice bday dinner.
I didn’t see it til a few hours later and said ok.

Then he says he hadn’t heard from me all day so now he made plans to play video games with his friends. I deserve better.

Girl let me explain what happened here.

First, you are dating a dusty-@$$ manchild. He is not going to change. It is dating 101 that you do something nice on your partner’s birthday. He knows this.

“I don’t know if I’m free” means he was free but was waiting to see if a better option came along.

You distanced yourself, which made him panic and try to reel you back in. So then he pulls the “I want to cook for you!” BS.

He was NEVER gonna cook for you. Even if you had responded immediately, he would have done the “oops sorry didn’t see your response!”

There are only 2 correct options here:

1. You dump him (preferred)
2. On your birthday, because he said he was busy, you should have put on your skankiest dress, gone out with your girlfriends, and post a ton of pictures to your IG stories.

May not be too late for that. Get dressed up and take a mirror selfie, even if you don’t go out. Then turn your phone off the rest of the night. Leave it off until at least 2pm tomorrow. Then when you see his texts of “where are you?” just respond “sorry crazy night!”

Then dump him, LOL. Take it from an old lady, men don’t suddenly change. The best thing to do is end things the second they stop putting in effort.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify I got the message late because I was tired from Thanksgiving travel and took a nap. But I don’t get why it would be so hard for him to make birthday plans a few days in advance?

Get over "plans" and try to be more spontanious! Good lord!
Plans are sooooo boomerish and decades ago.

Total BS. People wouldn't be able to plan anything for their lives if they do everything last minute.

That's the whole point that is lost on you. Boring people plan everything out.
It's made fun of in movies, etc. "Ok honey, I have our trip planned out, every stop, every sight, every restroom break! We have to stay on schedule!"

People like that are no fun to be around. OP sounds like might be one of those people. She should go over to her BF's and hang out with him and then they can have some awesome sex after the party. But noooo, she just wants to skulk and gripe and probably stuff her face with junk food. That gets you nowhere.

It's giving unreliable...

This is not your guy. You need a planner. He’s more last minute go with the flow and on top of that, seems like he’s easily offended that you didn’t respond right away. Hard pass for me too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify I got the message late because I was tired from Thanksgiving travel and took a nap. But I don’t get why it would be so hard for him to make birthday plans a few days in advance?

Get over "plans" and try to be more spontanious! Good lord!
Plans are sooooo boomerish and decades ago.

Total BS. People wouldn't be able to plan anything for their lives if they do everything last minute.

That's the whole point that is lost on you. Boring people plan everything out.
It's made fun of in movies, etc. "Ok honey, I have our trip planned out, every stop, every sight, every restroom break! We have to stay on schedule!"

People like that are no fun to be around. OP sounds like might be one of those people. She should go over to her BF's and hang out with him and then they can have some awesome sex after the party. But noooo, she just wants to skulk and gripe and probably stuff her face with junk food. That gets you nowhere.

It’s ok to want more. Go find it. It’s not this guy.

Op, sorry about this. Dump him. How old are you guys?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify I got the message late because I was tired from Thanksgiving travel and took a nap. But I don’t get why it would be so hard for him to make birthday plans a few days in advance?

Get over "plans" and try to be more spontanious! Good lord!
Plans are sooooo boomerish and decades ago.

Total BS. People wouldn't be able to plan anything for their lives if they do everything last minute. The reason he did plan it because he count' secure sex from someone else for that day. Plain and simple

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yea, this is your fault. It's your birthday and you didn't look at your phone for hours to see if you'd hear from your boyfriend? That's odd.

No. It's his fault. She communicated, a week ago, that she'd like to spend time. He didn't make it a priority. He waited until the day of, probably to see if something better would come along. He's 100% treating her like he could take it/leave it.

Leave him, OP. He sucks, and you do deserve better. Don't settle.

That's how one becomes a bitter old cat lady yelling at kids on their lawn.

There are tons of unhappily married women on this board who settled for men like this boyfriend and they are very defensive — they feel trapped and are triggered by the OP’s ability to walk away. (Case in point the PP)

Maybe tge OP will meet someone else or maybe she won’t. I will say that the never married single women with cats tend to be a lot more fulfilled with friends and hobbies than the women who are attached to fat balding men who treat them like bang maids. The loneliness and self esteem loss in these marriages is its own hell.

If women wouldn't let themselves go and get all fat, then they could keep a hot man. I never eat carbs and stay fit so my man has to as well. Set an example!

Most women now are just lazy and spoiled and want it all and give nothing in return, so it's no wonder they cannot get a good man.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify I got the message late because I was tired from Thanksgiving travel and took a nap. But I don’t get why it would be so hard for him to make birthday plans a few days in advance?

Get over "plans" and try to be more spontanious! Good lord!
Plans are sooooo boomerish and decades ago.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yea, this is your fault. It's your birthday and you didn't look at your phone for hours to see if you'd hear from your boyfriend? That's odd.

No. It's his fault. She communicated, a week ago, that she'd like to spend time. He didn't make it a priority. He waited until the day of, probably to see if something better would come along. He's 100% treating her like he could take it/leave it.

Leave him, OP. He sucks, and you do deserve better. Don't settle.

That's how one becomes a bitter old cat lady yelling at kids on their lawn.

There are tons of unhappily married women on this board who settled for men like this boyfriend and they are very defensive — they feel trapped and are triggered by the OP’s ability to walk away. (Case in point the PP)

Maybe tge OP will meet someone else or maybe she won’t. I will say that the never married single women with cats tend to be a lot more fulfilled with friends and hobbies than the women who are attached to fat balding men who treat them like bang maids. The loneliness and self esteem loss in these marriages is its own hell.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify I got the message late because I was tired from Thanksgiving travel and took a nap. But I don’t get why it would be so hard for him to make birthday plans a few days in advance?

It wouldn’t.
The only mistake you made was in telling him that you would be okay with the birthday dinner at the last minute. You should have just made other plans for your birthday.

Anonymous wrote:I've been the boyfriend in this situation. My girlfriend was an adult (over 30) but had a whole bunch of softly implied expectations that I often failed to read to her satisfaction. Maybe she's a little demanding, maybe I'm a little on the old spectrum.

Either way, it was best that we split just so she didn't live in a state of constant dissatisfaction with me.

I don’t really get this. This stuff is so easy if you want to do it. There are a few days a year that you absolutely have to spend with her: her birthday, your birthday, Valentines Day, Halloween, and New Year’s Eve.
You can look up exactly what to do if you need help planning something.
And then she will run with it the other 360 days of the year.
You aren’t “constantly disappointing her” because she has unrealistic expectations or you are some kind of irredeemable loser. You just didn’t try.

Where else in your life would you expect to just not show up to an important event because you were playing video games and expect everyone else to be cool with that?

OP here. To clarify I got the message late because I was tired from Thanksgiving travel and took a nap. But I don’t get why it would be so hard for him to make birthday plans a few days in advance?

What you are entitled to Op, is a preference. It's not about assigning right or wrong, about his action or your action - it's about being more empowered in making a partner choice.

Guy here, and as you didn't respond he has the right to make other plans.

But you should dump him simply for the fact he made plans to play video games.