Anonymous
11/29/2025 19:09
Subject: DS upset about loans
What’s the kids major?
Anonymous
11/29/2025 19:08
Subject: DS upset about loans
This is why it's better not to go to really expensive schools unless you have all the money.
Anonymous
11/29/2025 19:07
Subject: DS upset about loans
His complaints are ridiculous. He should be paying the whole thing himself. You raised a spoiled, entitled brat.
Anonymous
11/29/2025 19:07
Subject: Re:DS upset about loans
OK, so where does he go from here?
He has two choices:
1. continue on and owe like $80K when he graduates from undergrad
2. transfer to a cheaper school.
Thems the choices.
My niece had a similar dilemma several years ago - $60K/ year, college gave them $20K per year, but their parents could only afford $20K per year. So, she would've had to take out $20K/year loan. She would've had $80K by the time she graduated.
She decided to go to the in state flagship, HS 2.0, and she is ever so grateful she did. Her friends went to an expensive college, and they all ended up working in the same field. While her friends were stressed with paying off loans, she was saving to buy a condo. She is 100% sure she made the right choice to go to the cheaper school.
He has two choices:
1. continue on and owe like $80K when he graduates from undergrad
2. transfer to a cheaper school.
Thems the choices.
My niece had a similar dilemma several years ago - $60K/ year, college gave them $20K per year, but their parents could only afford $20K per year. So, she would've had to take out $20K/year loan. She would've had $80K by the time she graduated.
She decided to go to the in state flagship, HS 2.0, and she is ever so grateful she did. Her friends went to an expensive college, and they all ended up working in the same field. While her friends were stressed with paying off loans, she was saving to buy a condo. She is 100% sure she made the right choice to go to the cheaper school.
Anonymous
11/29/2025 19:05
Subject: DS upset about loans
This thread is a perfect example of why education has become a mess. Any time a kid screws up, everyone rushes to blame the parents and acts as if the parents are evil for spending $70,000 on their kids, who complain still.
Anonymous
11/29/2025 19:02
Subject: DS upset about loans
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Spend your winter holiday wrapping gifts at Wider Circle together. Hopefully he will get over his bitterness if he spends some time wrapping gifts for families who can’t afford to buy gifts.
What does this have to do with anything. Op is pretending they are not wealthy and set this kid up.
Set them up? They’re paying $70,000 for crying out loud! Kid could go to 99% of colleges, he chose the 1% that would put him in debt. Play stupid games and you know what kinda of prizes you’ll get!
No. OP agreed to it, and she's supposed to be the parent in this relationship. An 18 year old cannot be expected to realize how hard it is to work AND study at the same time.
I fault the parent more than the kid here, simply because the parent is supposed to have more life experience and wisdom to foresee all the issues that might arise, while the 18 year old brain cannot.
What a bunch of BS. The kid has taken algebra- he knows what happens. You’re defending an adult man who’s upset that he can’t go to Starbucks while he goes to a good college that feeds him, houses him, and gives him a strong network and education that he can use to make money. His being pissed is because he can’t get a cappuccino on a random Tuesday.
+1, you can tell a lot of parents here grew up rich themselves. I had no money growing up, so I don’t make excuses that “oh he’s just a kid”- okay? And he’s now an adult who needs to make his own informed decisions. People here are basically the kind who baby their kids into adulthood.
+1 Our kids are super fortunate compared to how I grew up, including having ALL of their college paid for, but not at $92k/year. We can just do $60K, and to be honest, I don't think most schools are even worth $92K/year.
My oldest is at the state flagship and got a great internship this summer (the pay is insane). They got merit and will be doing a +1 masters. Plus, they took all of their AP credits. They will graduate in 4 years with two STEM degrees and a masters - all for < $130K.
DC said they are glad they ended up where they did.
Anonymous
11/29/2025 19:01
Subject: DS upset about loans
This forum is so out of touch: you made a bad financial decision? The solution isn’t a bail out from your parents. I wish there were some normal people here.
Anonymous
11/29/2025 18:59
Subject: DS upset about loans
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why are you lying?
Your child cannot sign more than ~5K loans in freshman year. It increases a bit for subsequent years.
YOU are signing the loans. Is the deal that you're making him work year-round to reimburse you? Did he understand what working full time or near full time meant when he agreed to this deal? Would he prefer to transfer to an in-state college so as not to have to work? Maybe you could have him sign a contract in which he reimburses you afterward, on his salary, to give him a bit of breathing room now?
I hope you're discussing all the alternatives with him, instead of making him feel trapped.
Because right now, he's resentful of you, whether it's deserved or not, and he might carry that resentment for a long time. Resentment of an adult child against their parents can have long term consequences. You need to be the mature adult by presenting other viable options and giving him a sense of agency, so that he can own his choices.
Then he needs to learn to be a man. Lord, it’s his personal choice to go to an expensive school. No one is constraining him to go to a college that costs 90k a year- hell, he could go to a school that costs 70k a year and all his problems would go away!
Which is exactly what I suggested - one of the alternatives is transfer to a cheaper school.
And don't give me this "learn to be a man" nonsense. A college freshman is allowed to balk at working full time and trying to find a way out of that. It's human nature. It would be churlish of OP, who is putting this on him, because SHE SIGNED THE LOAN, to not help him to find other options.
I know plenty of families who pay the loans and never ask their kids for compensation. I think OP didn't think this through at all. In her shoes, I wouldn't have allowed a school that forced the family to take out any loans at all. It leads to scenarios such as this one.
OH BS the school is not at fault OP is.
She knew what this entailed.
Shame on her and her DH for being complete financial idiots and putting their DS in this position.
They are the problem not him
Everyone is in the wrong. You don’t take out a loan and then complain you can’t get a Birkin next. Why didn’t ops kid transfer when he realized 20k was too much? Learn to instill actual responsibility instead of learned helplessness into your children people!
Anonymous
11/29/2025 18:58
Subject: DS upset about loans
I told DC that life is expensive, and I'm sorry we are not rich enough to pay for everything or poor enough to get full FA. Remember this moment, and make sure you make a ton of money when you graduate so your kids won't be in your situation Oh, but your major makes like $70K max. Oh well.
Anonymous
11/29/2025 18:58
Subject: DS upset about loans
Seems very legit to be mad you’re essentially being punished for your parents doing well…just not well enough. But your parents aren’t the people to whine to about it.
Anonymous
11/29/2025 18:58
Subject: DS upset about loans
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why are you lying?
Your child cannot sign more than ~5K loans in freshman year. It increases a bit for subsequent years.
YOU are signing the loans. Is the deal that you're making him work year-round to reimburse you? Did he understand what working full time or near full time meant when he agreed to this deal? Would he prefer to transfer to an in-state college so as not to have to work? Maybe you could have him sign a contract in which he reimburses you afterward, on his salary, to give him a bit of breathing room now?
I hope you're discussing all the alternatives with him, instead of making him feel trapped.
Because right now, he's resentful of you, whether it's deserved or not, and he might carry that resentment for a long time. Resentment of an adult child against their parents can have long term consequences. You need to be the mature adult by presenting other viable options and giving him a sense of agency, so that he can own his choices.
Then he needs to learn to be a man. Lord, it’s his personal choice to go to an expensive school. No one is constraining him to go to a college that costs 90k a year- hell, he could go to a school that costs 70k a year and all his problems would go away!
Which is exactly what I suggested - one of the alternatives is transfer to a cheaper school.
And don't give me this "learn to be a man" nonsense. A college freshman is allowed to balk at working full time and trying to find a way out of that. It's human nature. It would be churlish of OP, who is putting this on him, because SHE SIGNED THE LOAN, to not help him to find other options.
I know plenty of families who pay the loans and never ask their kids for compensation. I think OP didn't think this through at all. In her shoes, I wouldn't have allowed a school that forced the family to take out any loans at all. It leads to scenarios such as this one.
OH BS the school is not at fault OP is.
She knew what this entailed.
Shame on her and her DH for being complete financial idiots and putting their DS in this position.
They are the problem not him
Anonymous
11/29/2025 18:57
Subject: DS upset about loans
^ are you for real?
Anonymous
11/29/2025 18:55
Subject: DS upset about loans
How can you afford 72k but you can’t figure out another 20k to make up the difference???! You failed him OP. Either you can’t figure out your cash flow run rate or you didn’t have the money ever and shouldn’t have let him apply to private colleges.
Anonymous
11/29/2025 18:55
Subject: DS upset about loans
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Spend your winter holiday wrapping gifts at Wider Circle together. Hopefully he will get over his bitterness if he spends some time wrapping gifts for families who can’t afford to buy gifts.
What does this have to do with anything. Op is pretending they are not wealthy and set this kid up.
Set them up? They’re paying $70,000 for crying out loud! Kid could go to 99% of colleges, he chose the 1% that would put him in debt. Play stupid games and you know what kinda of prizes you’ll get!
No. OP agreed to it, and she's supposed to be the parent in this relationship. An 18 year old cannot be expected to realize how hard it is to work AND study at the same time.
I fault the parent more than the kid here, simply because the parent is supposed to have more life experience and wisdom to foresee all the issues that might arise, while the 18 year old brain cannot.
What a bunch of BS. The kid has taken algebra- he knows what happens. You’re defending an adult man who’s upset that he can’t go to Starbucks while he goes to a good college that feeds him, houses him, and gives him a strong network and education that he can use to make money. His being pissed is because he can’t get a cappuccino on a random Tuesday.
+1, you can tell a lot of parents here grew up rich themselves. I had no money growing up, so I don’t make excuses that “oh he’s just a kid”- okay? And he’s now an adult who needs to make his own informed decisions. People here are basically the kind who baby their kids into adulthood.
Anonymous
11/29/2025 18:53
Subject: DS upset about loans
Everyone screeching that the kid needs to go to state school- no he doesn’t. He needs to go to any of the many schools out there that don’t cost 90k.