Anonymous wrote:There’s something wrong here but if the only question that occurs to you is “Should elder sister be annoyed,” the chances are strong that the problem resides in you and you need to do some self reflection.

Agreed

Annoyed would be a sort of weird reaction. Because why annoyance? I’d be surprised, and a little confused. I’d wonder why she didn’t tell me if we have a close relationship and share details of our lives regularly. I’d probably ask her! “Karla- mom says you’re going to France next week?? First of all, that’s amazing and I’m jealous. Second of all- why the secrecy??”

If your true feelings are of annoyance, that probably speaks to why she didn’t tell you. Annoyance to me sounds like you are maybe competitive with her, or feel entitled to details of her life and have been annoyed at her in the past for not sharing things quick enough with you. Or maybe you’re annoyed because you would have liked to go along with her- and that, of course, is probably why she didn’t tell you and you’ll have to examine that in your heart. But I’m curious why annoyance?

Also can we please say older/ younger like normal people and stop trying to sound twee and pretentious by saying “elder”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother & eldest sister attempt to scold others when they don’t share

Yet they never share. Simply MYOB

I mean if you’re going on a trip for a month, presumably you’re excited. Why wouldn’t you want to share it? If someone responds negatively, deal with it the way an emotionally healthy person would. This is so passive aggressive.

Acc to OP, the decision to travel was made abruptly and possibly prompted by a relative’s poor health. So no, not necessarily something to be excited about or want to share. But you go ahead with your judgement.

Sounds like this involves her in-laws. Perhaps she's been asked not to share their personal matters. Stop prying. If she met with one sibling 4-5 times in a week, she's probably not trying to hide from you.

Anonymous wrote:My mother & eldest sister attempt to scold others when they don’t share

Yet they never share. Simply MYOB

I mean if you’re going on a trip for a month, presumably you’re excited. Why wouldn’t you want to share it? If someone responds negatively, deal with it the way an emotionally healthy person would. This is so passive aggressive.

My mother & eldest sister attempt to scold others when they don’t share

Yet they never share. Simply MYOB

I think she definitely thought you’d be judgmental for whatever reason.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are obviously the older sister. You should examine why your sister didn't feel comfortable telling you - did she worry you'd try to invite yourself? that you'd criticize how long she's going or that she can't afford it? You should be annoyed at yourself.

This is it.

Obviously the elder sister thinks the sisters' relationship is peachy but it's not. Younger sister probably wanted to avoid some sort of behavior or commentary from elder. She knows the elder is going to throw cold water on her trip in some way so she didn't talk about it.

If elder is annoyed now, I can only imagine her attitude once sister returns from her trip. I'd say there is an estrangement in the offing and the younger will pull back and avoid elder as much as possible. Good for her - no law says you have to maintain a relationship with a toxic sibling.

PP - You should take a printout of your post to your therapist and discuss. Seriously.

That person is a troll. Don’t feed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are obviously the older sister. You should examine why your sister didn't feel comfortable telling you - did she worry you'd try to invite yourself? that you'd criticize how long she's going or that she can't afford it? You should be annoyed at yourself.

This is it.

Obviously the elder sister thinks the sisters' relationship is peachy but it's not. Younger sister probably wanted to avoid some sort of behavior or commentary from elder. She knows the elder is going to throw cold water on her trip in some way so she didn't talk about it.

If elder is annoyed now, I can only imagine her attitude once sister returns from her trip. I'd say there is an estrangement in the offing and the younger will pull back and avoid elder as much as possible. Good for her - no law says you have to maintain a relationship with a toxic sibling.

PP - You should take a printout of your post to your therapist and discuss. Seriously.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My baby brother did something very similar to this last month. I know damn well it’s bc I would have scolded him for spending the money. And when I found out I did anyway!

Seriously?

Betting he never tells you anything ever again.

Think whatever you want to think.

If your brother is above the age of 18, calling him your baby brother is gross. I wouldn't tolerate your attitude. You sound uneducated.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don’t know why and have been playing the guessing game ever since.

Our other sibling confronted her about it as they found the decision to leave abruptly but not give anyone a heads up very out of character and she gave a story that was very sketchy. “My BIL twisted his ankle last night so we thought we’d check in on him.” For context, BIL is in his mid-forties and has previously had cancer, and much other serious ailments and they’ve never gone.

And to get to the country they are traveling to, it is 22 hour trip from here so it’s not a place you can hop over to.

Something is very very off. I’m now getting worried.

THIS is why she didn't tell you. Does she have a history of doing things that you don't like and that you nag her about? Are you worried about her judgement in general and fear that she can be taken advantage of?

Because it sure feels that way.

Anonymous wrote:My baby brother did something very similar to this last month. I know damn well it’s bc I would have scolded him for spending the money. And when I found out I did anyway!

Was it your money? If no, shut your mouth. Adults get to spend their money the way they choose.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My baby brother did something very similar to this last month. I know damn well it’s bc I would have scolded him for spending the money. And when I found out I did anyway!

Seriously?

Betting he never tells you anything ever again.

Think whatever you want to think.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don’t know why and have been playing the guessing game ever since.

Our other sibling confronted her about it as they found the decision to leave abruptly but not give anyone a heads up very out of character and she gave a story that was very sketchy. “My BIL twisted his ankle last night so we thought we’d check in on him.” For context, BIL is in his mid-forties and has previously had cancer, and much other serious ailments and they’ve never gone.

And to get to the country they are traveling to, it is 22 hour trip from here so it’s not a place you can hop over to.

Something is very very off. I’m now getting worried.

Are you two in the habit of confronting your sister?

She doesn’t want to discuss it.

Wish her safe travels and let her know she can call on you if needed.

+1 “Sorry to hear about your brother-in-law. Can we help with [something] while you are gone?”

Why would there be a confrontation over this? She has family on another continent and has decided she needs to get there in short order. That sounds difficult, and I wouldn’t want to make things any more difficult.

Anonymous wrote:PP's are sooo weird. I can't imagine getting together with anyone 4x a week before she's traveling for a month and she don't mention it.

OP your sister isn't into you. Trust me, been there. Proceed with that knowledge.

This is it. One of my sisters is like this with me (not our other sister) and I've had to learn to just let it go. She's always been weirdly competitive but even more so in adulthood. We have a casual, surificially friendly relationship but if she doesn't mention events to me then I assume there is a reason she didn't want me to know and don't bring up either.