Anonymous wrote:This advice is bizzare. Put your pay check in an individual checking account and sit down and agree to who is paying what and each pay those bills directly or put enough in the joint to cover your share.

Ya that’s what I’m doing but I find that two qualities I hate in a human is that they are controlling and a spendthrift and my DH is both. He’ll be a train wreck to live with once we’re on a fixed income in retirement. So a divorce is in our future. I can suck it up for the kids but when we do divorce, I’ll have to give him half of what I’ve saved, which will leave me vulnerable. I will have an inheritance and my parents have done everything they can to lock it up for me and the kids. It’s basically a spendthrift trust. It’s not enough to retire on though. I also find the money issues have killed my attraction to him. We sleep in separate rooms and I avoid him as much as possible. I have no respect for him.

This advice is bizzare. Put your pay check in a individual checking account and sit down and agree to who is paying what and each pay those bills directly or put enough in the joint to cover your share.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious why you do not feel entitled to ask for a post-nup. He feels entitled to spend the money on his family, after all.

OP here. At this point, I do feel entitled to ask for a post-nup. It will cause a fight, but I don't care anymore. I'm done.

Divorce is for suckers. Remember: til death do us part. Why don’t you just plan some sort of fatal accident? DH’s uncle did this when he was stuck in a toxic relationship with his wife. She refused to work, spent money like there was no tomorrow, and didn’t exactly keep up her end of the romance bargain. A trip down the stairs, a broken neck, and a small insurance payday. Problem solved and he remarried 6 months later.

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious why you do not feel entitled to ask for a post-nup. He feels entitled to spend the money on his family, after all.

OP here. At this point, I do feel entitled to ask for a post-nup. It will cause a fight, but I don't care anymore. I'm done.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. OP back. I don't want to live in preparation for a separation, but it is a real possibility because of the money issues in our marriage. I was hoping there was a legal way to protect earned income and assets. I understand the concept of marital property, but I was looking for a creative way to preserve money for our kids. I could give some to my family, but I don't think they'd be willing to involve themselves. And they don't need any money from me. Although I guess I could gift them money, then they could gift it to my kids in a UTMA or even to me in a trust? If we get divorced, half of "my" savings will effectively go to my in-laws and get diverted from my kids.

Largely increase your contributions to the kids 529 accounts. Fully fund them for both undergrad and grad school. These are about the only accounts that won't be touched in a divorce.

Most people have 529 accounts that are in the parent's name with the children as beneficiaries, these would be considered marital assets in a divorce. Questionable whether a minor is even allowed to own a 529 account.

This ^^. The minor is the beneficiary, not the account holder. It's just an account with a tax benefit attached with the goal of the money being spent on the kid's education.

The account holder can change the beneficiary at any time. This is not safe unless the account holder is a grandparent or aunt or someone who won’t give in to spouse who could drain it

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start giving money to your family too. Anything you earn and save yourself will be split.

I'd try to fake it. Give them money as "gifts" with the understanding you're getting it back.

Are they willing to pay taxes on it?

Anonymous wrote:Start giving money to your family too. Anything you earn and save yourself will be split.

I'd try to fake it. Give them money as "gifts" with the understanding you're getting it back.

Anonymous wrote:Monitor your own credit and your kid's credit too.

Max out everything that is hard to take money out of.

Start asking for good jewelry as gifts.

This is important. SIL's DH was taking out credit cards in her name and maxing them out. She never did divorce him. Should have (for many reasons, not just the credit cards).

I’m curious why you do not feel entitled to ask for a post-nup. He feels entitled to spend the money on his family, after all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. OP back. I don't want to live in preparation for a separation, but it is a real possibility because of the money issues in our marriage. I was hoping there was a legal way to protect earned income and assets. I understand the concept of marital property, but I was looking for a creative way to preserve money for our kids. I could give some to my family, but I don't think they'd be willing to involve themselves. And they don't need any money from me. Although I guess I could gift them money, then they could gift it to my kids in a UTMA or even to me in a trust? If we get divorced, half of "my" savings will effectively go to my in-laws and get diverted from my kids.

Largely increase your contributions to the kids 529 accounts. Fully fund them for both undergrad and grad school. These are about the only accounts that won't be touched in a divorce.

Most people have 529 accounts that are in the parent's name with the children as beneficiaries, these would be considered marital assets in a divorce. Questionable whether a minor is even allowed to own a 529 account.

This ^^. The minor is the beneficiary, not the account holder. It's just an account with a tax benefit attached with the goal of the money being spent on the kid's education.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. OP back. I don't want to live in preparation for a separation, but it is a real possibility because of the money issues in our marriage. I was hoping there was a legal way to protect earned income and assets. I understand the concept of marital property, but I was looking for a creative way to preserve money for our kids. I could give some to my family, but I don't think they'd be willing to involve themselves. And they don't need any money from me. Although I guess I could gift them money, then they could gift it to my kids in a UTMA or even to me in a trust? If we get divorced, half of "my" savings will effectively go to my in-laws and get diverted from my kids.

Sounds like you need a post nup or a separation

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What can I do to protect what I earn and save outside of a postnup? Divorce is a possibility in the future, but the bigger issue right now is that my spouse supports their parents and a forty-something sibling on a regular and incidental basis without discussing it with me. My spouse is willing to draw down our joint checking account to zero to support their family of origin, so we've effectively lived paycheck to paycheck from our joint account for much of our marriage. I have things like a separate brokerage/emergency fund, 529 plans, and retirement accounts that I fund directly from my paychecks that they can't access, and I hope to protect those accounts. I already monitor their credit.

If you mean "protect" it in the sense that you want to save it so that your spouse doesn't spend the money, just keep doing what you're doing -- keep it in accounts in your name only that he can't access.

If you're mean "protect" in the sense of protecting from the results of divorce -- then the answer is "nothing legal." Anything either of you earn during the marriage is marital property that will be divided upon divorce. Do with that information what you will.

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