Anonymous
11/24/2025 11:14
Subject: Need advice about serious issues in a private boarding school (New York). We are new to the US and don’t know what to do
The ingrown toenail is absurd. I get them and so does my son. You need to just dig the prong that's causing the issue out. IF it isn't healing, they didn't get it all.
Then take him to a podiatrist near your home and have the surgery done if this is a chronic thing for him. That takes a while to schedule usually, so you need to get the offending prong out now. A doctor isn't necessary. It hurts like hell but is over quickly.
The cursing on an adult to adult call is fine. they weren't cursing out your kid or anything and you weren't there. You and your kid sound silly, so that part is accurate.
Choosing a boarding school in NYC means that your kid is going to be going around the city. Do you want him locked in a compound? It's not JAIL. If he isn't old enough to walk around NYC don't send him.
Then take him to a podiatrist near your home and have the surgery done if this is a chronic thing for him. That takes a while to schedule usually, so you need to get the offending prong out now. A doctor isn't necessary. It hurts like hell but is over quickly.
The cursing on an adult to adult call is fine. they weren't cursing out your kid or anything and you weren't there. You and your kid sound silly, so that part is accurate.
Choosing a boarding school in NYC means that your kid is going to be going around the city. Do you want him locked in a compound? It's not JAIL. If he isn't old enough to walk around NYC don't send him.
Anonymous
11/24/2025 10:57
Subject: Need advice about serious issues in a private boarding school (New York). We are new to the US and don’t know what to do
Anonymous wrote:Lina2025 wrote:Anonymous wrote:They took your son to a podiatrist - I bet your son wasn't doing whatever he was supposed to on a regular basis and that's why his problems kept coming back during the week. Did your son understand the language he was being given?
No, that’s not the case. This is a boarding school — there is a full-time nurse whose job is to take care of students’ health needs on a daily basis.
After reviewing the Zoom recording between the nurse and the school administration (which they didn’t expect me to receive), it became clear that they were overwhelmed with seasonal illnesses and simply didn’t want to deal with my son’s toe properly. That’s why they repeatedly suggested that I “take him home for treatment.”
When I asked for basic weekday support — either daily care or at least letting him use the prescribed ointment — the nurse told me to remove him from school instead. For a child who barely speaks English, leaving school for an undefined period would mean falling behind academically and socially, which is not a reasonable solution.
So no, this is not about my son failing to follow instructions — it’s about the school refusing to provide appropriate care during the week.
He's 12. He should be capable of putting ointment on his toe once or twice a day and wrapping it. Do you think 12 yr old ballet dancers have their mommies caring for their feet? No, they handle it themselves.
NP- in many schools 12 year olds are not allowed to handle prescription medication. It’s locked up in the nurse’s office, regardless of what it is.
Sounds like your toe shoes pinched your brain.
Anonymous
11/24/2025 09:27
Subject: Need advice about serious issues in a private boarding school (New York). We are new to the US and don’t know what to do
If you noticed improvement in the toe in 2 days that you had him home on weekends, why wouldn’t you keep him home another 2 days to knock out the infection? Antibiotics are no joke. And why can’t you find a podiatrist in all of NYC that has appointments on Saturdays? Especially since you seem to have plenty of money. Honestly it does sound to me like you don’t want to deal with your own kid. If they can’t manage to follow medical instructions for their toe on days they’re at school then that should be a sign to you that they are far too young to be put in boarding school away from a parent. If it’s military then maybe understandable but if you live a few hours away then there are certainly good private day schools in your area. Is there something wrong with the kid? Or with you? Or maybe he’s only a stepson? We can’t help you unless we understand the situation.
Anonymous
11/24/2025 09:27
Subject: Need advice about serious issues in a private boarding school (New York). We are new to the US and don’t know what to do
Lina2025 wrote:Anonymous wrote:I hope this isn't a situation where you left your far-away country to place your child somewhere you were told was a feeder to an Ivy. Families who do boarding schools well generally have a much better understanding of what it entails than you, and know how to communicate before issues turn nasty.
There are so many great public and great private day schools in the US, OP. They offer a good education for your children, without closing doors for any university.
We actually live in New York and pick our son up every weekend. We chose a boarding school specifically because they offered a strong English-language support program for international students, and our son’s English was very limited when we arrived. We believed that being immersed in the environment would help him learn the language quickly and feel more confident.
The school also has an excellent rating (A+ on Niche), which is why the situation was especially surprising for us — we really thought we had found a good, supportive place.
Your first mistake was looking at Niche. Niche is a joke.
Anonymous
11/24/2025 09:25
Subject: Need advice about serious issues in a private boarding school (New York). We are new to the US and don’t know what to do
OP if your child is not fluent in English, is that why you thought daily nursing care was the way to get ointment on the toe correctly each day? If so, that explains but does not excuse the nurse's frustration. It's not something a 12 year old would ordinarily need a nurse to do.
Anonymous
11/24/2025 09:19
Subject: Need advice about serious issues in a private boarding school (New York). We are new to the US and don’t know what to do
OP is clearly the problem here and they seem oblivious to it. Poor kid.
Anonymous
11/24/2025 09:10
Subject: Need advice about serious issues in a private boarding school (New York). We are new to the US and don’t know what to do
This is your child and you badly f’d up by sending him to boarding school. What did you expect? Take him out and send him to a public or day school where you live. He will learn English and can get extra tutoring (and ESOL services in public) if needed.
Anonymous
11/24/2025 08:49
Subject: Need advice about serious issues in a private boarding school (New York). We are new to the US and don’t know what to do
Just saying this again, but you should be focused less on lawsuits and more on removing your child from that school. Contact the Parents League today, before the holiday, and see if they can give you some guidance as to how you can get him enrolled mid-year in a private day school in the city. You may not have a lot of choices as to where, but anything will be better than where he is now.
https://www.parentsleague.org
https://www.parentsleague.org
Anonymous
11/24/2025 08:44
Subject: Need advice about serious issues in a private boarding school (New York). We are new to the US and don’t know what to do
I think it is easy to judge OP and ask why their family would enroll their son in boarding school so young. I also couldn’t imagine my DCs being out of my sight for longer than a school day. But as a second gen immigrant, I also remember the old family stories of walking to school barefoot and being whipped for answering classroom questions incorrectly. While these exact examples may or may not exist in today’s times, it can be useful to fully understand another person’s cultural background and upbringing before rushing to judgment about what they should or shouldn’t do.
Depending on where you from, even purely from a class (SES) perspective, your tolerance for certain conditions will differ. Especially in cultures that value the elders over children. I can say this about the culture I grew up in, you are expected respect elders, to toughen up and not complain.
Depending on where you from, even purely from a class (SES) perspective, your tolerance for certain conditions will differ. Especially in cultures that value the elders over children. I can say this about the culture I grew up in, you are expected respect elders, to toughen up and not complain.
Anonymous
11/24/2025 04:20
Subject: Need advice about serious issues in a private boarding school (New York). We are new to the US and don’t know what to do
I would expect 12 year old boarding school kids to be brats who the parents couldn’t tolerate keeping at home. Why are you putting a nice kid there?
Anonymous
11/24/2025 01:09
Subject: Need advice about serious issues in a private boarding school (New York). We are new to the US and don’t know what to do
FWIW Americans typically view boarding school for students younger than 14 or 15 years old to be a form of punishment for an unwanted child. And I write this as a boarding school parent and as one who attended a private school which had both boarding and day students.
Twelve years old is too young to surrender a child to a boarding school environment even if "only" for 5 days a week.
Twelve years old is too young to surrender a child to a boarding school environment even if "only" for 5 days a week.
Anonymous
11/24/2025 01:05
Subject: Need advice about serious issues in a private boarding school (New York). We are new to the US and don’t know what to do
Lina2025 wrote:Hello everyone. We are an international family and my son (12) recently started attending a private boarding school in New York. We have been here less than 3 months, and unfortunately we have already faced multiple serious issues, and I truly don’t know what to do.
1. Medical negligence
My son had an infected ingrown toenail with pus. I repeatedly emailed the school nurse asking for help and daily care. The condition always improved when he was home on weekends, and worsened during the school week. I asked several times to take him to a podiatrist. Instead, they first took him to an Urgent Care and gave him antibiotics, which didn’t help. Later they finally took him to a podiatrist, but still the care was inconsistent. Last week the nurse wrote to me suggesting that I should take him home indefinitely to treat him, even though he feels fine, has no temperature and is not contagious.
2. Secret Zoom meeting without my knowledge
Because the nurse started accusing me by email of being a bad mother and refusing medical care (which is absolutely false), I asked to schedule a Zoom call with the director. While I was in class, she scheduled it 15 minutes later without notifying me and held the call with the school principal behind my back. They clearly didn’t expect the recording to be sent to me.
I received the full Zoom recording and transcript, and I was shocked:
• They discussed me and my child in a humiliating tone
• They used profanity about me (principal said “f***ing unbelievable” etc.)
• They called my son “silly kid”
• They said I “don’t care” and accused me of neglect
• They said I refused medical help, although I have written proof that I asked for it many times
• They mocked the fact that we live “only 1.5h away,” while in reality we are 3.5 hours away and spend 6–7 hours every weekend driving
3. Bullying in the dorm
My son’s roommate constantly bullies him:
• hits him with a telescopic stick,
• breaks his things,
• interrupts his online lessons, plays loud music, mocks him,
• says: “You can’t say anything to me, I’m Black. Try it and you’ll be punished.”
We reported this twice, but the administration ignored us. The dean told us this boy is “a perfect student” and nothing changed.
4. Public humiliation by a teacher
Recently during an event in sports hall (with many students watching), the math teacher yelled at my son:
“Shut up” / “Get out of here”
He was deeply humiliated and didn’t understand why, because nobody else was told anything.
5. Safety issues
There is zero security at the school territory. We once arrived late at night, drove onto campus freely, took our son, and nobody noticed or asked anything. Anyone could do that.
⸻
What I need advice on
We want to transfer him to a different school immediately. The problem is that new schools require recommendations, and after this situation I am afraid the principal may intentionally write a bad one and harm our son’s future.
We are in NYC, and a friend advised us to contact a lawyer (educational attorney + possibly medical negligence). This is very stressful, we feel lost, we don’t know if we are overreacting or if these are really serious violations in the US.
Questions:
• What would you do in this situation?
• Is this something an educational lawyer would handle?
• Should we file complaints officially?
• Can we request neutral recommendation letters?
• Any lawyer recommendations in NY?
Thank you so much in advance.
OP: If all of this is true, then you need to remove your son from that environment immediately.
Even based on your side of the situation regarding medical treatment, there does not seem to be any neglect by the school as they took him to urgent care and then to a podiatrist. Even with just your side of the story, it seems like you & your son are guilty of negligence regarding his ingrown toenail infection.
Your son may be acting out as a cry for help as it is not clear as to why a teacher allegedly embarrassed him in front of other students by telling him to keep quiet and to get out.
Bullying is a serious matter. Your son is too young to be at boarding school even though it is a 5 day boarding schedule.
How could you let your son remain at this school if all you wrote is true ?
Anonymous
11/24/2025 00:25
Subject: Need advice about serious issues in a private boarding school (New York). We are new to the US and don’t know what to do
I can’t think of a single boarding school for 12 year olds that’s reputable. Niche isn’t really a good source. Most schools that will board that young are for profit or prey on overseas families to be full pay to fund other programs. You would be better off putting him in your local public school. He will get plenty of immersion as a day student somewhere. He also doesn’t sound mature enough for boarding school if he’d can’t take care of the infected toe or advocate for himself. Perhaps you’re from a country where boarding at a young age is more accepted (my dh is from somewhere where most families with money board starting at 10 or 11). It is not normal at all here. There are a few ok schools that cater to foreign service kids, but that’s about it.
Anonymous
11/24/2025 00:10
Subject: Need advice about serious issues in a private boarding school (New York). We are new to the US and don’t know what to do
Lina2025 wrote:Hello everyone. We are an international family and my son (12) recently started attending a private boarding school in New York. We have been here less than 3 months, and unfortunately we have already faced multiple serious issues, and I truly don’t know what to do.
1. Medical negligence
My son had an infected ingrown toenail with pus. I repeatedly emailed the school nurse asking for help and daily care. The condition always improved when he was home on weekends, and worsened during the school week. I asked several times to take him to a podiatrist. Instead, they first took him to an Urgent Care and gave him antibiotics, which didn’t help. Later they finally took him to a podiatrist, but still the care was inconsistent. Last week the nurse wrote to me suggesting that I should take him home indefinitely to treat him, even though he feels fine, has no temperature and is not contagious.
2. Secret Zoom meeting without my knowledge
Because the nurse started accusing me by email of being a bad mother and refusing medical care (which is absolutely false), I asked to schedule a Zoom call with the director. While I was in class, she scheduled it 15 minutes later without notifying me and held the call with the school principal behind my back. They clearly didn’t expect the recording to be sent to me.
I received the full Zoom recording and transcript, and I was shocked:
• They discussed me and my child in a humiliating tone
• They used profanity about me (principal said “f***ing unbelievable” etc.)
• They called my son “silly kid”
• They said I “don’t care” and accused me of neglect
• They said I refused medical help, although I have written proof that I asked for it many times
• They mocked the fact that we live “only 1.5h away,” while in reality we are 3.5 hours away and spend 6–7 hours every weekend driving
3. Bullying in the dorm
My son’s roommate constantly bullies him:
• hits him with a telescopic stick,
• breaks his things,
• interrupts his online lessons, plays loud music, mocks him,
• says: “You can’t say anything to me, I’m Black. Try it and you’ll be punished.”
We reported this twice, but the administration ignored us. The dean told us this boy is “a perfect student” and nothing changed.
4. Public humiliation by a teacher
Recently during an event in sports hall (with many students watching), the math teacher yelled at my son:
“Shut up” / “Get out of here”
He was deeply humiliated and didn’t understand why, because nobody else was told anything.
5. Safety issues
There is zero security at the school territory. We once arrived late at night, drove onto campus freely, took our son, and nobody noticed or asked anything. Anyone could do that.
⸻
What I need advice on
We want to transfer him to a different school immediately. The problem is that new schools require recommendations, and after this situation I am afraid the principal may intentionally write a bad one and harm our son’s future.
We are in NYC, and a friend advised us to contact a lawyer (educational attorney + possibly medical negligence). This is very stressful, we feel lost, we don’t know if we are overreacting or if these are really serious violations in the US.
Questions:
• What would you do in this situation?
• Is this something an educational lawyer would handle?
• Should we file complaints officially?
• Can we request neutral recommendation letters?
• Any lawyer recommendations in NY?
Thank you so much in advance.
Get him out asao and do not send to another boarding school. Bullying can be horrific because you can’t escape it. Talk to HOS yes they should help you place him elsewhere. I would transfer him to private day school and tell schools applying to that is the reason you are leaving - he’s homesick.
Lina2025
11/23/2025 23:17
Subject: Re:Need advice about serious issues in a private boarding school (New York). We are new to the US and don’t know what to do
Anonymous wrote:Also, as foreigners, we genuinely wanted to understand how the system works here. In our minds, the US has always been a place where children’s rights and safety are strongly protected, and if something goes wrong, there are clear mechanisms to resolve it. But in this situation it feels like we will just leave quietly, and everything that happened will go completely without consequences for the school. That part is very hard to accept.
You must not read the news at all. You haven't read about ICE yanking kids away from their families? The school-to-prison pipeline? The states that have no exception for rape when it comes to abortion for teen girls? Those big yellow school buses? You know there aren't seatbelts on them, right? You're so funny with your American fantasies of rights and safety.
I understand what you’re saying. Every country has its own problems, and I’m sure people in other parts of the world also have fantasies about safety in different places.
When you live outside the US, you mostly see the Hollywood image of America — a place with strong protection of children and strict laws. After moving here, reality looks more complicated than expected.