Get your head checked OP. You’re filled with hate

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care? That's not spoiling.

What do you mean that's not spoiling? She called me while she was out shopping with him on Saturday buying him this, than and the other because she's spoiling him for his grades. Those were her words to me. The most expensive item he wanted were some special basketball sneakers. They repeatedly bring up his A's to the rest of the extended family.

Do you even have children?

1. Basketball season starts next week. OF COURSE they're buying basketball shoes right now.
2. Everything is on sale. Why wouldn't you buy the things your kids need now as opposed to 6 months from now.
3. I don't care how easy it is to get good grades. Every child should absolutely be rewarded for working hard.

+1, it's also November, it's a normal time of year to pick up new clothes for the colder months since kids have often outgrown last year's things (especially true for middle school boys, so many it crazy growth spurts in 6th/7th grade, it's puberty).

And agree that rewarding kids for good grades seems like a no brainer. Especially in a culture that often seems to treat academic success as less important than how many TikTok followers you have. Even if his grades are partially the result of grade inflation, is that his fault? Nope. There is no harm in sending the message that straight As is something worth celebrating.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care? That's not spoiling.

What do you mean that's not spoiling? She called me while she was out shopping with him on Saturday buying him this, than and the other because she's spoiling him for his grades. Those were her words to me. The most expensive item he wanted were some special basketball sneakers. They repeatedly bring up his A's to the rest of the extended family.

It’s always fun when the OP starts adding lots of details that we’re not in the original post when there’s pushback. Not your kid — not your business. DP

Oh, come on…who among us hasn’t been called on the phone in 2025 by our sister-in-law while she’s out on a shopping spree for special basketball sneakers for her son, while repeatedly mentioning his good grades?

What OP neglected to mention is that the reason her SIL called her was to ask about gifts for her own children so that she could pick up some Christmas gifts before the mad rush of post-Thanksgiving shopping.

If you aren’t getting A’s in public middle school you are not even trying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The way you deal with this is to tell them that if he is getting all A's within breaking a sweat then the school isn't challenging his talents and he needs advancement or outside enrichment. If he is sweating for those A'S then he deserves a reward.

Nobody wants to hear this. These dopey parents convince themselves their lazy kid who hates school, never has homework, plays video games or scrolls on their phone from the time they get home from school to bed time, and still has all A's makes their genius that much more impressive! It's a losing battle trying to get such parents to wake up. If their kid isn't smart, why is every teacher giving them A's?! They can't wrap their head around systemic fraud to appease parents and administrators.

Why are you wandering around trying to "get parents to wake up"? Is this a frequent issue for you?

Sometimes I encounter parents who appear to be very proud of a child who seems unimpressive to me but it's never occurred to me that it's my job to disabuse them of that notion. It's normal for parents to think highly of their own kids. I prefer to parents who put their children down.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care? That's not spoiling.

What do you mean that's not spoiling? She called me while she was out shopping with him on Saturday buying him this, than and the other because she's spoiling him for his grades. Those were her words to me. The most expensive item he wanted were some special basketball sneakers. They repeatedly bring up his A's to the rest of the extended family.

Do you even have children?

1. Basketball season starts next week. OF COURSE they're buying basketball shoes right now.
2. Everything is on sale. Why wouldn't you buy the things your kids need now as opposed to 6 months from now.
3. I don't care how easy it is to get good grades. Every child should absolutely be rewarded for working hard.

I never got anything for getting all A's in school, but I also never had to try very hard to maintain all A's. Maybe this kid has been busting his butt and his parents want to reward the effort. Maybe they never got good grades themselves and think A's are extremely impressive. Either way there's nothing for you to say except, "All A's, Larlo? That's great, good for you!" and move along.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get your concern, if it comes from a fear that this child is absorbing a warped sense of his own academic worth, which will set him up for a cruel awakening come college admissions.

You can casually drop into the conversation with his mother that your kids all had straight As, as did their friends, at that age, and it was expected of them. She won't like it, but your duty isn't to her... it's to your nephew. It's important for his long-term well-being that his mother becomes more realistic.

Both my kids had straight As in middle school, even the one with severe ADHD, ASD level 1, and low processing speed. So...

If you ever start wondering why people don’t like you, revisit this paragraph.

Hahaha, I had the same thought. There is no way to "casually" drop this into a conversation with a parent who is talking about how proud they are of their child. It will be clocked instantly and remembered forever. No one enjoys this kind of response when praising their own kid (which is why many of us learn not to praise our kids to other parents, even when it feels normal and warranted, because we've learned how triggering it is for a lot of parents).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care? That's not spoiling.

What do you mean that's not spoiling? She called me while she was out shopping with him on Saturday buying him this, than and the other because she's spoiling him for his grades. Those were her words to me. The most expensive item he wanted were some special basketball sneakers. They repeatedly bring up his A's to the rest of the extended family.

My family has no idea that one of my children has mild dyslexia, a processing disorder, and social anxiety. Getting straight As is a big deal for her, and heck yeah I'm going to spoil her for it. You have no idea what their relationship is and how hard he is working. Just shut it. You sound so nasty.

Anonymous wrote:I get your concern, if it comes from a fear that this child is absorbing a warped sense of his own academic worth, which will set him up for a cruel awakening come college admissions.

You can casually drop into the conversation with his mother that your kids all had straight As, as did their friends, at that age, and it was expected of them. She won't like it, but your duty isn't to her... it's to your nephew. It's important for his long-term well-being that his mother becomes more realistic.

Both my kids had straight As in middle school, even the one with severe ADHD, ASD level 1, and low processing speed. So...

And this sounds like a Carolyn Hax response.

This sounds like a Carolyn Hax question written by an old, out of touch lady.

Anonymous wrote:The way you deal with this is to tell them that if he is getting all A's within breaking a sweat then the school isn't challenging his talents and he needs advancement or outside enrichment. If he is sweating for those A'S then he deserves a reward.

Nobody wants to hear this. These dopey parents convince themselves their lazy kid who hates school, never has homework, plays video games or scrolls on their phone from the time they get home from school to bed time, and still has all A's makes their genius that much more impressive! It's a losing battle trying to get such parents to wake up. If their kid isn't smart, why is every teacher giving them A's?! They can't wrap their head around systemic fraud to appease parents and administrators.

Anonymous wrote:It's fine to celebrate good grades at any age. Take a look inward and try to figure out why this bothers you so much that you want DCUM's affirmation to rain on this family's parade. It's not a good reflection on you.

She’s a passive aggressive social misfit

This is so weird, why do you care? My kid is in public school and has worked very hard to get all As in all her classes for all of 6th, 7th and first quarter of 8th grade. She had brain cancer when she was little and the two brain surgeries and 16 months of chemo means she has inattentive ADHD and a processing speed of about 10th percentile. School is so much harder for her to get through than most kids that do as well as she does.

We have treated her to dinner and my husband got her two different lululemon necklaces over the course of these two years as a reward for working so hard. We are immensely proud of her and her love language is gifts and quality time so all of this means a lot to her. For our income bracket, she has a lot less clothing and jewelry than her peers so she isn’t overall “spoiled” in this sense. I probably wouldn’t have gotten the necklaces, but it was my husband’s decision and I don’t disagree with him on this — even if I might now have done it.

If the real problem is that this person is a braggart, then that is the problem.

Oh please OP stop with your faux concern about your nephew. You obviously just don't like your BIL/SIL (and they might be braggarts, which is annoying, I'll give you that). But really just smile and nod and move on