Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom and MIL are friendly (talk on the phone occasionally but made an effort to see eachother occasionally around the wedding and in the early years). They coordinated around the color palette. My bridesmaids wore eggplant and my mom wore a dusty purple and my MIL wore a berry color. It was great. I don't think either had their dress approved by me, but they let me know what they were doing.

It's totally normal for the bride to be involved in the palette for both moms, but not to choose the dress, IMO.

Most of my friends' MILs asked what they should wear as MoG. They wanted to coordinate and fit in and look like they belong and not be difficult on the wedding day. The hard headed "bride shall have no say" MILs are going to be huge PITAs going forward. If they want to be that way, they can count on not seeing their son often on holidays and playing a minimal role in future grandchildren lives. You have to go along to get along, as they say.

+1 mine asked and I shared our colors and some views on what might be good, but she chose. Obviously her decision in the end but we were all trying to get along.

Anonymous wrote:Can the bride dictate what a MIL wears to the wedding?

What, specifically, is the scenario?

This might change my response but, in general, it would be my instinct to accommodate the bride and groom’s wishes on their wedding day.

I think it’s normal for a Mother of the groom to talk to the bride and her mother about what they’re going to wear and general direction, and then maybe she runs what she picks by the bride. But no one is dictating anything.

Anonymous wrote:Traditionally: Bride chooses her dress. Bride chooses bridesmaid dresses. Bride shares this w/the Mother of the Bride who chooses, with DD's input, style and color that compliment the look. Then, all information is shared with MIL and a reasonable MIL would choose a dress/pants/whatever, consulting with the Bride (and Groom, if he's into these type of decisions)

You don't wear "whatever you want"

This. Any reasonable family is going follow this tradition. It’s not hard.

Anonymous wrote:Don't think bride should have ANY SAY in what MIL wears - says something about bride. Run, groom. (Woman here.)

Huh? I was a pretty laid back bride. I had a black tie wedding. I wanted moms to wear floor length. Mom colors also need to coordinate with bridesmaids and the groom’s tie for pictures to look nice. Some MILs try to steal the show and it’s not nice. (My MIL is nice)

Anonymous wrote:A polite MIL asks the bride if there is anything particular she should consider when choosing an outfit. A polite bride gives parameters if, and only if, asked.

…and if the bride gives any parameters or no paramaters, let that be the end of the discussion. My MIL hounded me about colors, long or short, pictures pictures, I took it back what about this, until I finally told her that it’s weird we were spending more time discussing what she would wear than what I would be wearing. She stopped, thankfully.

Anonymous wrote:She could try but I’d her to fly a kite and then ask my son whether he really wants to marry such a narcissist control freak.

Interesting. I also have sons and this wouldn’t bother me. You’re going to be in a lot of the family photos so it kind of makes sense to me.

It’s extra and I didn’t personally do any color coordination at my wedding but I get that it’s a thing these days.

I’ve also been a bridesmaid about a million times so maybe I’m just used to this and it doesn’t phase me

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take a look at what Melanie Griffith wore to her daughter's wedding and how it looks in the pictures. You don't want to be the oddball.

https://www.hellomagazine.com/brides/863559/antonio-banderas-daughter-stella-marries-alex-gruszynski-spanish-wedding-exclusive-photos/

Melanie looks great in these pics.

Agree. Poster is the weirdo.

I'd be fine with a color suggestion, but that's about it. I know what works for me.

She could try but I’d her to fly a kite and then ask my son whether he really wants to marry such a narcissist control freak.

Anonymous wrote:Can the bride dictate what a MIL wears to the wedding?

They can and sometimes do. Sometimes it’s picky and sometimes it’s justified and will save the guest embarrassment (ie: no MIL, please don’t wear a white gown/ red sequined mini dress/shorts and a tshirt)

I don’t think it’s that hard to find something simple and classic that is appropriate for the occasion. If the bride has a certain color palette in mind, of course you should honor this.

It’s unusual for a bride to say to MIL you need to wear exactly this dress from this store but I don’t think it’s rude to ask that the wedding party/family dress in certain colors and according to the dress code (black tie, formal, cocktail etc).

For my wedding I just described a level of formality and what my own mom had in mind. MIL bought a dress and showed it to me. It was from a thrift store and looked like a flapper dress for a costume party with fringe and beads and looked worn and old. Being the good almost DIL, I told her it was lovely.

I must have lied effectively bc DH asked me later - “you actually like her dress? It’s awful!” He had his sister steer her towards something better.

But no, I wasn’t going to dictate no matter how much I wanted to in that moment.

Anonymous wrote:Take a look at what Melanie Griffith wore to her daughter's wedding and how it looks in the pictures. You don't want to be the oddball.

https://www.hellomagazine.com/brides/863559/antonio-banderas-daughter-stella-marries-alex-gruszynski-spanish-wedding-exclusive-photos/

Melanie looks great in these pics.