DCUM is a toxic forum, what do you expect?

Anonymous wrote:We have been in both private and public schools. Each have had pockets of strivers who micromanage their kids and are annoying. These parents did not dominate either school and so we have largely been able to minimize interactions with them and stay focused on the education our child received.

check wis GRADE 6 PARENTS - THE JANES AND smITH AND kORTHNEYS

We have been in both private and public schools. Each have had pockets of strivers who micromanage their kids and are annoying. These parents did not dominate either school and so we have largely been able to minimize interactions with them and stay focused on the education our child received.

My kids are at St. Andrew's, and I feel like the parents, in general, are pretty down-to-earth/not obnoxiously competitive. There definitely are some, but they are the exception, not the rule. This is just my personal experience.

Anonymous wrote:Reading the dcum threads I noticed that posters from the top schools tend to be super toxic and hyper competitive. Any recommendation of a good schools but without the drama of parents who think too much of themselves?

The families at these schools can be very cliquey but toxic?

The really toxic people are the students that think that their parent's money means something impressive about the student.
The worst thing I have seen was the child of a wealthy family (with generational ties to the school) that had no business at the selective "top 3" school (but for the long-time family ties) that had constant behavioral issues getting disciplined by a teacher and then the teacher getting suspended.
But generally, everybody avoids that kid and that family except the folks that are already in their circle.

Anonymous wrote: I suppose it could just be I don't get out enough...

On further thought, it may also be that I am constitutionally averse to status. Many toxic people are status obsessed, and their fight to be at the top of a hierarchy is an outgrowth. So you'd expect to see a far more of them at a school touted as "Big 3" than St Generic's Faith Baptist Shepherd Temple Academy.

I have met very few people I would consider toxic, and as such, I'm wondering if either people are running around with hair triggers or.. well, if you are running into lots of toxic people, possibly there's a common denominator. Though I suppose it could just be I don't get out enough.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At our top 3 school I found some people intimidating at first because of their clothes, general appearance, and vibe of success/power, but they were not “toxic”. In fact, they’re usually very interesting people. Also any of the women that look like “trophy wives” tend to be very accomplished people in their own right.

If you go around looking for something/someone to judge, I’m sure you’ll find it.

I started to practice dressing like "trophy wives". I copy their shoes and styles. I think it is very interesting, although in my day life I more than half of the bread winner and far from being any trophy. It is interesting to see how people treat you differently just because you had a different pairs of shoes.

so hot. post pictures!

I even want to meet you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At our top 3 school I found some people intimidating at first because of their clothes, general appearance, and vibe of success/power, but they were not “toxic”. In fact, they’re usually very interesting people. Also any of the women that look like “trophy wives” tend to be very accomplished people in their own right.

If you go around looking for something/someone to judge, I’m sure you’ll find it.

I started to practice dressing like "trophy wives". I copy their shoes and styles. I think it is very interesting, although in my day life I more than half of the bread winner and far from being any trophy. It is interesting to see how people treat you differently just because you had a different pairs of shoes.

so hot. post pictures!

Anonymous wrote:At our top 3 school I found some people intimidating at first because of their clothes, general appearance, and vibe of success/power, but they were not “toxic”. In fact, they’re usually very interesting people. Also any of the women that look like “trophy wives” tend to be very accomplished people in their own right.

If you go around looking for something/someone to judge, I’m sure you’ll find it.

I started to practice dressing like "trophy wives". I copy their shoes and styles. I think it is very interesting, although in my day life I more than half of the bread winner and far from being any trophy. It is interesting to see how people treat you differently just because you had a different pairs of shoes.

At our top 3 school I found some people intimidating at first because of their clothes, general appearance, and vibe of success/power, but they were not “toxic”. In fact, they’re usually very interesting people. Also any of the women that look like “trophy wives” tend to be very accomplished people in their own right.

If you go around looking for something/someone to judge, I’m sure you’ll find it.

In my experience, Field and Burke have decidedly chill parents and communities, with Burke parents just a smidge more low-key. Both are lovely.

Anonymous wrote:I suggest any schools that aren't brought up constantly here with complaints, such as Gonzaga, DeMatha, SJC, St. Anselm. People only speak up when they have things to complain about, not when things are going well, usually. And from my experience, toxic parents tend to be the loudest.

I was going to suggest the WCAC schools as well, only because they have many athletes that come from MC and LMC backgrounds. The schools tend to be much more economically diverse than the Big3-type schools and even certain public schools like Langley, Whitman et al in wealthy suburbs.

Also, the college choices are far more diverse and not everyone is aiming for just top 20 academic schools, so it's not so toxic from that respect. Again, the athletes want some of the top D1 athletic schools which often aren't top academic schools.

I haven’t encountered toxic parents at our private school (a Big3). I’m sure they must be there because DCUM says so, but everyone I’ve met has been lovely. And we did care about “community” but not in a country club way - we aren’t members of any - but just meaning that we were interested in meeting other families and building friendships, so looking for people who also wanted that.

Anonymous wrote:Keep in mind that posters here represent a small percent of real parents at these schools.

This.