Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 15:25     Subject: Venmo/Zelle requests on wedding invitation
Fine.

Especially fine if you think it’s tacky unless you make the guests go to a wedding website first, then it’s ok (that’s a distinction without any purpose).

And especially now, when everything is so expensive.

I want to give people what they want to receive. Anything else is tacky, IMO.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 15:17     Subject: Venmo/Zelle requests on wedding invitation
I'm fine with it. It's just another way to give money.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 15:15     Subject: Venmo/Zelle requests on wedding invitation
I didn't even have a registry and told people not to get gifts when I got married 20 years ago. My DH and I were both working in Big Law and it just felt so tacky to ask for stuff in any way from friends who made less money. I know it is a tradition, but I generally find registries, including for baby showers (I had a small one and everyone was asked to bring a onesie) to be tacky.

Having an amazon registry and asking for an expensive vacuum does not insulate you from everyone's judgment (mine, lol)--it is basically like asking for cash.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 14:21     Subject: Re:Venmo/Zelle requests on wedding invitation
Anonymous wrote:It is very clear that all the people shouting "Tacky" have not been invited to a wedding in at least 10 years. The wedding websites today always include registry links, and one of the links is to a honeymoon fund, or for a dinner, or massage or something else, and those links then link to Venmo. If you are offended by it, you just click on the pots and pans or a vase or something else. It's really not a big deal and anyone with a kid in their 20s would know this.


I have two kids in their 20s, and have been invited to numerous weddings in the last couple of years. While some of the wedding websites did indeed have links to gifts like a dinner during the honeymoon, they required some hunting to find. They most certainly were not on the invitations, which still came by mail.

Regardless of whether or not it is being done, it is still essentially just a request for money and by virtue of that fact is a bit crass. But many people are, and have no idea about etiquette anyway. (Looking at you, noon wedding in white tie )
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 14:18     Subject: Venmo/Zelle requests on wedding invitation
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:5 years ago I would have really gotten upset and muttered endlessly about it being tacky. I think now I'm just beaten down and tired. If the young people would rather have money via Zelle than serving spoons, who am I to judge? I'm going through a nasty divorce and my heart breaks looking at some of the things that people lovingly chose for us. It's all just meaningless in the end, so you might as well give them cash so they can choose their own meaningless stuff.


That's what Asian people give at wedding, CASH !!! Average is $400 per couple.


Ironically you're replying to me and I married into an Asian family and oddly so many of our guests on that side of the family didn't give us anything. Maybe because I'm white so they couldn't decide on what tradition to follow? I've never figured it out. But at least I don't have to feel mad at his side of the family because there aren't any gifts to look at or give away from them and we've spent or saved what they did give us.


Nah, because you're white they weren't worried about maintaining face to non-Asian in-laws.
I'm so sorry, it's still very poor form that the Asian side did not gift anything. Maybe they are used to being invisible immigrants to white folks, I dunno.


I am a Chinese man married to a white woman, and my mother loves my wife much more than my two sisters in-law who are Chinese (she actually hates them). At the wedding, my parents gave us 500K, an expensive honey trip, a luxury condo, and two new cars for me and my wife. Guests at the wedding who are friends of my parents gave us an average of $500 per person. After paying for the wedding, we still came out a head of $75K, on top of the 500K that my parents gave us. It is interesting that my wife's side of the family all gave gift at the wedding registry instead of money, but that's ok. Different culture, I guess.

My mother loves my wife like her own daughter. They travel together back to China with our kids four times a year. My wife even learns to cook some of the Chinese cuisines from my mother.

The point is that Asian people generally do not give gift at wedding, they give money, lot of it...


Hmm, I think the point of this post was simply to brag about how much money your parents have.

You could literally have written the last sentence without all of the rest--and certainly how much your mother loves your wife is completely irrelevant to what's being discussed here.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 14:14     Subject: Re:Venmo/Zelle requests on wedding invitation
Anonymous wrote:It is very clear that all the people shouting "Tacky" have not been invited to a wedding in at least 10 years. The wedding websites today always include registry links, and one of the links is to a honeymoon fund, or for a dinner, or massage or something else, and those links then link to Venmo. If you are offended by it, you just click on the pots and pans or a vase or something else. It's really not a big deal and anyone with a kid in their 20s would know this.


It’s very clear to me that you have poor manners.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 14:11     Subject: Re:Venmo/Zelle requests on wedding invitation
Anonymous wrote:It is very clear that all the people shouting "Tacky" have not been invited to a wedding in at least 10 years. The wedding websites today always include registry links, and one of the links is to a honeymoon fund, or for a dinner, or massage or something else, and those links then link to Venmo. If you are offended by it, you just click on the pots and pans or a vase or something else. It's really not a big deal and anyone with a kid in their 20s would know this.



"Common" and "tacky" are not mutually exclusive here.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 14:10     Subject: Venmo/Zelle requests on wedding invitation
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:5 years ago I would have really gotten upset and muttered endlessly about it being tacky. I think now I'm just beaten down and tired. If the young people would rather have money via Zelle than serving spoons, who am I to judge? I'm going through a nasty divorce and my heart breaks looking at some of the things that people lovingly chose for us. It's all just meaningless in the end, so you might as well give them cash so they can choose their own meaningless stuff.


That's what Asian people give at wedding, CASH !!! Average is $400 per couple.


Ironically you're replying to me and I married into an Asian family and oddly so many of our guests on that side of the family didn't give us anything. Maybe because I'm white so they couldn't decide on what tradition to follow? I've never figured it out. But at least I don't have to feel mad at his side of the family because there aren't any gifts to look at or give away from them and we've spent or saved what they did give us.


Nah, because you're white they weren't worried about maintaining face to non-Asian in-laws.
I'm so sorry, it's still very poor form that the Asian side did not gift anything. Maybe they are used to being invisible immigrants to white folks, I dunno.


I am a Chinese man married to a white woman, and my mother loves my wife much more than my two sisters in-law who are Chinese (she actually hates them). At the wedding, my parents gave us 500K, an expensive honey trip, a luxury condo, and two new cars for me and my wife. Guests at the wedding who are friends of my parents gave us an average of $500 per person. After paying for the wedding, we still came out a head of $75K, on top of the 500K that my parents gave us. It is interesting that my wife's side of the family all gave gift at the wedding registry instead of money, but that's ok. Different culture, I guess.

My mother loves my wife like her own daughter. They travel together back to China with our kids four times a year. My wife even learns to cook some of the Chinese cuisines from my mother.

The point is that Asian people generally do not give gift at wedding, they give money, lot of it...


This is not a good look.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 14:01     Subject: Re:Venmo/Zelle requests on wedding invitation
It is very clear that all the people shouting "Tacky" have not been invited to a wedding in at least 10 years. The wedding websites today always include registry links, and one of the links is to a honeymoon fund, or for a dinner, or massage or something else, and those links then link to Venmo. If you are offended by it, you just click on the pots and pans or a vase or something else. It's really not a big deal and anyone with a kid in their 20s would know this.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 13:33     Subject: Venmo/Zelle requests on wedding invitation
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:5 years ago I would have really gotten upset and muttered endlessly about it being tacky. I think now I'm just beaten down and tired. If the young people would rather have money via Zelle than serving spoons, who am I to judge? I'm going through a nasty divorce and my heart breaks looking at some of the things that people lovingly chose for us. It's all just meaningless in the end, so you might as well give them cash so they can choose their own meaningless stuff.


That's what Asian people give at wedding, CASH !!! Average is $400 per couple.


Ironically you're replying to me and I married into an Asian family and oddly so many of our guests on that side of the family didn't give us anything. Maybe because I'm white so they couldn't decide on what tradition to follow? I've never figured it out. But at least I don't have to feel mad at his side of the family because there aren't any gifts to look at or give away from them and we've spent or saved what they did give us.


Nah, because you're white they weren't worried about maintaining face to non-Asian in-laws.
I'm so sorry, it's still very poor form that the Asian side did not gift anything. Maybe they are used to being invisible immigrants to white folks, I dunno.


I am a Chinese man married to a white woman, and my mother loves my wife much more than my two sisters in-law who are Chinese (she actually hates them). At the wedding, my parents gave us 500K, an expensive honey trip, a luxury condo, and two new cars for me and my wife. Guests at the wedding who are friends of my parents gave us an average of $500 per person. After paying for the wedding, we still came out a head of $75K, on top of the 500K that my parents gave us. It is interesting that my wife's side of the family all gave gift at the wedding registry instead of money, but that's ok. Different culture, I guess.

My mother loves my wife like her own daughter. They travel together back to China with our kids four times a year. My wife even learns to cook some of the Chinese cuisines from my mother.

The point is that Asian people generally do not give gift at wedding, they give money, lot of it...


I'm the white PP you're replying to. My MIL and I were very close, or so I thought, until her DS decided to divorce me during a midlife crisis. He is the only son of his generation, so the second he filed, I was basically dead to her. It broke my heart and now I feel betrayed and wonder what of our relationship was real or if I was just there to carry her grandchildren and facilitate her DS's career. But anyway.

As for the rest: I think your family is of a very, very different economic background than ours. That's Moderately Crazy Rich Asians Stuff. In my circle, an ounce of gold or $1000 in a lai see was as good as it got.

So that brings up a good point: what about gold? Can the people screaming "tacky" just give gold? It's an object, and it's also money, and it's tacky, so you can make it whatever you need it to be to suit your argument. Best of all worlds.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 13:27     Subject: Venmo/Zelle requests on wedding invitation
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:5 years ago I would have really gotten upset and muttered endlessly about it being tacky. I think now I'm just beaten down and tired. If the young people would rather have money via Zelle than serving spoons, who am I to judge? I'm going through a nasty divorce and my heart breaks looking at some of the things that people lovingly chose for us. It's all just meaningless in the end, so you might as well give them cash so they can choose their own meaningless stuff.


That's what Asian people give at wedding, CASH !!! Average is $400 per couple.


Ironically you're replying to me and I married into an Asian family and oddly so many of our guests on that side of the family didn't give us anything. Maybe because I'm white so they couldn't decide on what tradition to follow? I've never figured it out. But at least I don't have to feel mad at his side of the family because there aren't any gifts to look at or give away from them and we've spent or saved what they did give us.


Nah, because you're white they weren't worried about maintaining face to non-Asian in-laws.
I'm so sorry, it's still very poor form that the Asian side did not gift anything. Maybe they are used to being invisible immigrants to white folks, I dunno.


I am a Chinese man married to a white woman, and my mother loves my wife much more than my two sisters in-law who are Chinese (she actually hates them). At the wedding, my parents gave us 500K, an expensive honey trip, a luxury condo, and two new cars for me and my wife. Guests at the wedding who are friends of my parents gave us an average of $500 per person. After paying for the wedding, we still came out a head of $75K, on top of the 500K that my parents gave us. It is interesting that my wife's side of the family all gave gift at the wedding registry instead of money, but that's ok. Different culture, I guess.

My mother loves my wife like her own daughter. They travel together back to China with our kids four times a year. My wife even learns to cook some of the Chinese cuisines from my mother.

The point is that Asian people generally do not give gift at wedding, they give money, lot of it...
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 13:18     Subject: Venmo/Zelle requests on wedding invitation
it's about as tasteful as somebody discretely masturbating during the ceremony!
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 12:03     Subject: Venmo/Zelle requests on wedding invitation
TACKY.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 12:03     Subject: Venmo/Zelle requests on wedding invitation
Tacky. It makes me want to give them a gift they have to return.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2025 12:02     Subject: Venmo/Zelle requests on wedding invitation
Anonymous wrote:I agree that a Venmo request seems tacky, but here’s the problem… I don’t want to give cash because it can be susceptible to theft and lots of people don’t have a check writing ability any longer. What’s the alternative? A money order?


The alternative is Zelle. Zelle is like a check and a money order combined; I would use Zelle if they have offered it. Even though the name sounds sketchy, it’s a legitimate way to transfer money as you would with a check between accounts across banks and it was created and is run by a bunch of the major banks.