Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I strongly dislike passing even for small gatherings; it crowds the table, and people are obligated to pass more than enjoy their food. And as PP said above, it’s more noticeable if you decline a dish or only take a tiny bit of it to be polite.

Same. We only have six and passing is obnoxious. And I'm sure the poster who said nobody has manners would tell us we are doing it all wrong anyway. It used to be random passing and help the children; now it's random passing and help the elderly, pour their gravy, serve their peas, etc.

I don't know how to pass in a civilized way. I guess we need footmen.

We always have 11-12 including elderly (who still want to help themselves of course) and children but my MIL insists on passing everything with fine china and it's honestly become kind of dangerous because she also insists on everything being boiling hot (like gravy still bubbling but in a fine china boat).

Anonymous wrote:Lazy Susan or GTFO

I like this idea. Or the footmen idea from above.
Or footmen with Lazy Susans?

Lazy Susan or GTFO

We always pass food around the table. It works. Adults help small kids, etc.

As a mom I appreciate buffet. My 3 kids aren't all right next to us and we cannot plate their food easily with family style. Also, the turkey platter weighs like 20lbs and cannot easily be passed by the elderly or kids.

As an adult I like family style though. It's prettier.

Also, can I say how much I love when there's a kid table and an adult table. Some of my best memories are from hanging out with my 9 cousins at the cousin table. We'd move pretty quickly into games after the meal was done. As an adult I like being able to talk to my grandma or other relatives and not being mauled by kids.

Buffet. Our kitchen has an island that lends itself to a buffet line, so that's what we do.

Last year, when it was just 5 of us for Thanksgiving, we sat down and passed stuff around. That's manageable to fit everyone at the table plus the food.

But, anytime else, it's been buffet style. Oldest first and some of those folks will get help to get their plates. Then everybody else.

My cousin has hosted for years now and it's really down to a science. She has a nice covered patio that can be enclosed and that will be the primary dining area for the majority of folks. Older folks are inside at the dining room table. To qualify for the "older table" you pretty much need to be at least in your mid-70s. LOL.

There will be over 30 of us this year and I'm looking forward to it. It's always great to see family and catch up with one another.

Always always buffet. Even when it's just the four of us! Everything is on the cook top and help yourself. I associate family style with my silent, icy in laws. The table is church quiet except for clinking of silverware and "could you pass the potatoes." "Please pass the salad." The worst.

Table is set nicely with china and crystal. Rolls, wine, and water are also on table but if we have more than 8 people than I serve the food on the buffet table and prefer to use chafing dishes to keep some of the dishes warm. Our dining table fits 12 but it gets way too crowded with all the dishes on the table plus place settings.

I hate passing family style. Everything gets cold and it’s hard to pass all the dishes, then the table is crowded. I think it’s very old fashioned and passé for a reason.

Always buffet.

I think buffet is best. To have enough servings for 10-12 those dishes would have to be pretty full/heavy. They could get dropped pretty easily.

Buffet. It’s too hard to pass all that food. Plus we like to keep it hot with those chafing dishes and those take room

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always sit down with fancy china.

Well, yes, you sit down and use nice china even when you serve the food buffet style

+1. Set the table with fine china, crystal and silver. Rolls and condiments on the table to be passed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Buffet style is fine as long as everyone comes back to sit together around the table and eat together. Buffet style where everyone just goes off and eats wherever after getting their food tends to lead to small exclusive groups eating together. Kind of defeats the purpose of getting together

I mean, if your gathering is like 6-12 people, that’s great and you can usually make it work. If you think me hosting 30 “defeats the purpose” just because out of a 6+ hour gathering, people eat dinner in the dining room, kitchen and card tables set up in the living room and parlor, I don’t know what to tell you. I guess I should just tell half of my family—some of whom have been deployed in recent months—that we’re not inviting the full crew because eating in different rooms “defeats the purpose.”

And you know what? Six same-age cousins wanting to eat together and catch up IS an “exclusive group,” and that’s OK. Those of us who are mature and have confidence and self-awareness don’t feel threatened by a dynamic like that.

Why do you feel so judged that you need to write multiple paragraphs about this? If you're happy, then just be happy.

Says the person who is jealous of “exclusive groups” of…her own family members.