Anonymous
11/17/2025 20:46
Subject: Living in a (Big?) Lie for 43 Days
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:That fact that you were too scared to tell your wife means the marriage is already in trouble. When someone keeps secrets because they are scared of their spouse and how they will react, your marriage is already on shaky ground. Is this a healthy marriage for you?
Why is your wife only working part time? She can’t really hold it against you if she also isn’t working some days.
Do you want to save this marriage? I think there are a lot of deeper issues. Is she a supportive and caring partner who steps up? Does she have your back? Does she work to find ways to reduce your stress? What has happened that has led to this fear of her reaction? Is it deeply entrenched gender norm? Previous reactions?
all good questions but the answer to all is yeah marriage is already on shaky ground
btw lied again yesterday she never ever ever asked about my paychecks far as i could remember but out of nowhere asked if i got paid last Fri. had to lie and said accounting said some system issues and might be delayed till Tue. hopefully she'll forget about this until after thanksgiving. ha.
OK. I think you are lying about why no UI. I think you quit or got fired for cause.
And even after posting here, you lied AGAIN now about pay.
You are a lowlife worm. I hope she kicks your ass.
I don’t even believe OP.
Anonymous
11/17/2025 20:38
Subject: Living in a (Big?) Lie for 43 Days
Why didn't you just tell her???? Makes no sense!!!
Anonymous
11/17/2025 20:10
Subject: Living in a (Big?) Lie for 43 Days
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:That fact that you were too scared to tell your wife means the marriage is already in trouble. When someone keeps secrets because they are scared of their spouse and how they will react, your marriage is already on shaky ground. Is this a healthy marriage for you?
Why is your wife only working part time? She can’t really hold it against you if she also isn’t working some days.
Do you want to save this marriage? I think there are a lot of deeper issues. Is she a supportive and caring partner who steps up? Does she have your back? Does she work to find ways to reduce your stress? What has happened that has led to this fear of her reaction? Is it deeply entrenched gender norm? Previous reactions?
all good questions but the answer to all is yeah marriage is already on shaky ground
btw lied again yesterday she never ever ever asked about my paychecks far as i could remember but out of nowhere asked if i got paid last Fri. had to lie and said accounting said some system issues and might be delayed till Tue. hopefully she'll forget about this until after thanksgiving. ha.
OK. I think you are lying about why no UI. I think you quit or got fired for cause.
And even after posting here, you lied AGAIN now about pay.
You are a lowlife worm. I hope she kicks your ass.
Anonymous
11/17/2025 19:24
Subject: Living in a (Big?) Lie for 43 Days
And this man’s wife still won’t divorce him.
Anonymous
11/17/2025 19:00
Subject: Living in a (Big?) Lie for 43 Days
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wait so have you been looking for a job during these 43 days or just doing nothing??? Here’s what you need to do within the day:
1. Make a plan for applying for new jobs (will send out X applications per day or per week).
2. Outline the house work or child care you can help with while you are out of work.
3. Apologize profusely. Tell her everything, including two above items and ask for input. If you are bad at communicating, write it down in a letter and give it to her and sit with her and answer her questions. Do not be defensive. I repeat. Do not be defensive. Apologize and take ownership of what you do.
4. Discuss with her if you can pick up a part time job while you job hunt or if it’s better to focus on the job hunt. This is a joint decision.
5. Do better. Do not let the unemployment paralyze you.
been trying the entire time. okay maybe not everyday coz it's incredibly frustrating. got one intv 30 days in for a very good opening through a friend but didn't get to 2nd round unfortunately. finally on day 40-ish got an offer for retail like position - part time super low pay no benefit but i took it. had to. onboarded on day 43.
one DD in HS so not much help needed. kinda felt bad i didn't cook more. know i could have.
Yeah, you just lied to your wife and childs face every day for over a month. You didn't even do extra cooking or housework while lying to your family? You seriously just left all the chores to your wife and child while you lied to their face?
Yeah I’m not proud of any of this but just wanted to share that people do in certain circumstances do sh*t like this as incredibly dumb as it sounds
Anonymous
11/17/2025 13:16
Subject: Living in a (Big?) Lie for 43 Days
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:That fact that you were too scared to tell your wife means the marriage is already in trouble. When someone keeps secrets because they are scared of their spouse and how they will react, your marriage is already on shaky ground. Is this a healthy marriage for you?
Why is your wife only working part time? She can’t really hold it against you if she also isn’t working some days.
Do you want to save this marriage? I think there are a lot of deeper issues. Is she a supportive and caring partner who steps up? Does she have your back? Does she work to find ways to reduce your stress? What has happened that has led to this fear of her reaction? Is it deeply entrenched gender norm? Previous reactions?
all good questions but the answer to all is yeah marriage is already on shaky ground
btw lied again yesterday she never ever ever asked about my paychecks far as i could remember but out of nowhere asked if i got paid last Fri. had to lie and said accounting said some system issues and might be delayed till Tue. hopefully she'll forget about this until after thanksgiving. ha.
Sir this is some slick *hit you're doing.
Keep us posted though.
How are bills being paid?
I pay them all from our shared bank account except for her own credit card that she uses for her own discretionary spending
Anonymous
11/17/2025 12:58
Subject: Living in a (Big?) Lie for 43 Days
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wait so have you been looking for a job during these 43 days or just doing nothing??? Here’s what you need to do within the day:
1. Make a plan for applying for new jobs (will send out X applications per day or per week).
2. Outline the house work or child care you can help with while you are out of work.
3. Apologize profusely. Tell her everything, including two above items and ask for input. If you are bad at communicating, write it down in a letter and give it to her and sit with her and answer her questions. Do not be defensive. I repeat. Do not be defensive. Apologize and take ownership of what you do.
4. Discuss with her if you can pick up a part time job while you job hunt or if it’s better to focus on the job hunt. This is a joint decision.
5. Do better. Do not let the unemployment paralyze you.
been trying the entire time. okay maybe not everyday coz it's incredibly frustrating. got one intv 30 days in for a very good opening through a friend but didn't get to 2nd round unfortunately. finally on day 40-ish got an offer for retail like position - part time super low pay no benefit but i took it. had to. onboarded on day 43.
one DD in HS so not much help needed. kinda felt bad i didn't cook more. know i could have.
Yeah, you just lied to your wife and childs face every day for over a month. You didn't even do extra cooking or housework while lying to your family? You seriously just left all the chores to your wife and child while you lied to their face?
Anonymous
11/17/2025 12:55
Subject: Living in a (Big?) Lie for 43 Days
Losers gonna lose. What a pathetic excuse for a partner.
Anonymous
11/17/2025 07:44
Subject: Living in a (Big?) Lie for 43 Days
OP I would totally get this. You need to tell her, but just fwiw I wouldn't even be mad. Just get to the practical problem solving part on the lost income. The bigger the issue that is, the more you need to start working on it now. You can't let her go on thinking there will be back pay.
Anonymous
11/17/2025 07:41
Subject: Living in a (Big?) Lie for 43 Days
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand. You were laid off. This happens. How can you be married to someone who can’t or won’t tolerate that things happen beyond our control? Job loss is hardly unheard of. You make a plan as a family and go from there. What am I missing? Do you have a spotty employment history, or pattern of previous job loss? I can’t imagine my spouse being so afraid to communicate reality to me that he’d lie like this.
In the case of the ex that did it to me, he was a narc. Also didn't want to be asked to pull additional weight. For the 30+ days he was unemployed he never once offered to pick up our child from daycare. Every single day I battled traffic and the thought of fines to get home on time. Because he's a selfish pr&ck.
Fair enough and sorry that happened to you. It’s beyond bizarre and frankly scary. I would’ve gotten out too. Hope things are better for you!
Anonymous
11/16/2025 22:09
Subject: Living in a (Big?) Lie for 43 Days
Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand. You were laid off. This happens. How can you be married to someone who can’t or won’t tolerate that things happen beyond our control? Job loss is hardly unheard of. You make a plan as a family and go from there. What am I missing? Do you have a spotty employment history, or pattern of previous job loss? I can’t imagine my spouse being so afraid to communicate reality to me that he’d lie like this.
In the case of the ex that did it to me, he was a narc. Also didn't want to be asked to pull additional weight. For the 30+ days he was unemployed he never once offered to pick up our child from daycare. Every single day I battled traffic and the thought of fines to get home on time. Because he's a selfish pr&ck.
Anonymous
11/16/2025 21:24
Subject: Living in a (Big?) Lie for 43 Days
I don’t understand. You were laid off. This happens. How can you be married to someone who can’t or won’t tolerate that things happen beyond our control? Job loss is hardly unheard of. You make a plan as a family and go from there. What am I missing? Do you have a spotty employment history, or pattern of previous job loss? I can’t imagine my spouse being so afraid to communicate reality to me that he’d lie like this.
Anonymous
11/16/2025 20:10
Subject: Living in a (Big?) Lie for 43 Days
An ex did this to me. When I found out, I planned my exit. It also was sufficient evidence of his craziness. He gaslit me in all kinds of ways but that one was beyond. Of course still found people who blamed me saying it was my possible negative reaction (that I never had because he never told me). Those people are also crazy.
Anonymous
11/16/2025 20:07
Subject: Living in a (Big?) Lie for 43 Days
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:That fact that you were too scared to tell your wife means the marriage is already in trouble. When someone keeps secrets because they are scared of their spouse and how they will react, your marriage is already on shaky ground. Is this a healthy marriage for you?
Why is your wife only working part time? She can’t really hold it against you if she also isn’t working some days.
Do you want to save this marriage? I think there are a lot of deeper issues. Is she a supportive and caring partner who steps up? Does she have your back? Does she work to find ways to reduce your stress? What has happened that has led to this fear of her reaction? Is it deeply entrenched gender norm? Previous reactions?
all good questions but the answer to all is yeah marriage is already on shaky ground
btw lied again yesterday she never ever ever asked about my paychecks far as i could remember but out of nowhere asked if i got paid last Fri. had to lie and said accounting said some system issues and might be delayed till Tue. hopefully she'll forget about this until after thanksgiving. ha.
How are bills being paid?
I pay them all from our shared bank account except for her own credit card that she uses for her own discretionary spending
Anonymous
11/16/2025 20:04
Subject: Living in a (Big?) Lie for 43 Days
Anonymous wrote:Wait - were you fired or just stopped going to work?
Laid off 9/30 so no work to go to anymore