Anonymous wrote:A preschool teacher once suggested that I "simply explain to him that it's ok to be angry but it's not ok to hurt people". And I was like, I get that you think this is good advice, but maybe consider that if I've asked my pediatrician, my mother, my mother in law, and all my friends, and am at the point of admitting to the preschool teacher that my 5yo still bites me and I need help, it's probably a safe assumption that we already tried "telling him not to".

Sometimes you just gotta laugh so you don't cry.

I’m a (general ed) teacher, and this is hard to read. We don’t know why they’re hitting and biting, you don’t know why either, we’re all just throwing up our hands and saying we can’t stop it, and meanwhile I have 25 other kids to protect? If you think you’re powerless
to get a message through to your child, imagine how much more powerless a teacher is when your child is only one of 25.

You need to work on yourself so you can:

1. Let some comments roll off your back.
2. Find ways to discourage future comments.

My 20 year old ASD/ADHD college kid has motor skills and spatial coordination issues. Whenever someone mentions trades, I say: "You mean lawyer? Because he has motor and coordination problems and the only work he can do is cerebral." The truth is, the only thing my son can do is a desk job. Maybe not lawyer, but I say that to shut them up!

But also, I don't get too worked up about comments these days. When he was little and we were figuring stuff out, I got so upset over the outrageous "boys will be boys", "ADHD is over-diagnosed", "you're going to DRUG him???". We are past that difficult moment and I can handle things better, and with humor.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Welp in this economy, there will be many kids living in their parent’s basement.

I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I was told if I was right by God, he would heal me and my kid.

God doesnt exist outside yourself. Just focus on yourself and your behavior.

You think everything in the world just exists from nothing? Sounds like a very sad life to live.

Oh dear. You’re a scientifically illiterate adult. That’s sad.

This is why I never talk about my SN kid with NT parents.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been much happier since limiting my interactions with other people.

Family, friends, neighbors.

It probably looks maladaptive but it’s such a relief to not be constantly misunderstood. I love not having to hear stuff like this anymore, and not having to try to get people to understand my reality.

I focus on myself. Audiobooks, walks, skincare, weightlifting, creative projects. I avoid people as much as possible.

This has been the single most helpful thing for me on my journey raising a child with SN.

This is such good advice, not just for parenting SN kids but for life in general. I have become much more internally focused in the last few years and it's been so good for my mental health. I have my immediate family and a small collection of friends, all of whom I know won't judge me harshly or be unkind, and I just don't worry much about others outside that group.

My kid has really benefited from this attitude because she's also cultivated an attitude if ignoring/dismissing the opinions of people outside those who genuinely matter. I always worried she'd be harmed by people making fun of her or not understanding her, but now I see she's so resilient in the face if those challenges. She'll just shrug and say "they don't get me, too bad for them." She has people who do get her, so it's fine.

Most people just don't know enough to have useful opinions or input on your life. Realizing this is is useful. Who cares what someone who has spent all of 30 seconds thinking about your situation, who has know first hand experience or knowledge, thinks? I don't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They aren’t wrong- If they can’t handle trade school what makes you think they can handle college?

DP. My kid can’t handle trade school because he has extremely poor fine motor skills. It’s white collar or bust for him.

Not trying to be snarky, but that’s actually not the case for lots of jobs in advanced manufacturing, which are highly automated. There are plenty of “trade” jobs that aren’t plumbing or electrical and don’t require any more manual dexterity than a typing/computers required at a white collar job.

Not trying to say your child shouldn’t do white collar, just that there are tons of options in the trades. Some people go into them after starting their careers in a white collar profession because they hate sitting at a desk all day or hate sitting in meetings.

Please just stop. My kid’s fine motor/motor planning skills mean that he cannot really thrive in any job that invokes coordination or any sort of physical planning even if it is automated.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been much happier since limiting my interactions with other people.

Family, friends, neighbors.

It probably looks maladaptive but it’s such a relief to not be constantly misunderstood. I love not having to hear stuff like this anymore, and not having to try to get people to understand my reality.

I focus on myself. Audiobooks, walks, skincare, weightlifting, creative projects. I avoid people as much as possible.

This has been the single most helpful thing for me on my journey raising a child with SN.

This.

I’ve detached from many friends and family who didn’t get it. They don’t mean to be hurtful but it became painful to spend time with them. My ASD2 + physically disabled child started to feel bad about themselves during family gatherings.

Sometimes you have to protect yourself - even if it feels irrational.

I did find a local community of parents that DO get it. It makes a difference.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They aren’t wrong- If they can’t handle trade school what makes you think they can handle college?

DP. My kid can’t handle trade school because he has extremely poor fine motor skills. It’s white collar or bust for him.

Not trying to be snarky, but that’s actually not the case for lots of jobs in advanced manufacturing, which are highly automated. There are plenty of “trade” jobs that aren’t plumbing or electrical and don’t require any more manual dexterity than a typing/computers required at a white collar job.

Not trying to say your child shouldn’t do white collar, just that there are tons of options in the trades. Some people go into them after starting their careers in a white collar profession because they hate sitting at a desk all day or hate sitting in meetings.

Like what?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They aren’t wrong- If they can’t handle trade school what makes you think they can handle college?

DP. My kid can’t handle trade school because he has extremely poor fine motor skills. It’s white collar or bust for him.

Fine motor skills are not a prerequisite for trades.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They aren’t wrong- If they can’t handle trade school what makes you think they can handle college?

DP. My kid can’t handle trade school because he has extremely poor fine motor skills. It’s white collar or bust for him.

Not trying to be snarky, but that’s actually not the case for lots of jobs in advanced manufacturing, which are highly automated. There are plenty of “trade” jobs that aren’t plumbing or electrical and don’t require any more manual dexterity than a typing/computers required at a white collar job.

Not trying to say your child shouldn’t do white collar, just that there are tons of options in the trades. Some people go into them after starting their careers in a white collar profession because they hate sitting at a desk all day or hate sitting in meetings.

Anonymous wrote:They aren’t wrong- If they can’t handle trade school what makes you think they can handle college?

DP. My kid can’t handle trade school because he has extremely poor fine motor skills. It’s white collar or bust for him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Welp in this economy, there will be many kids living in their parent’s basement.

I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I was told if I was right by God, he would heal me and my kid.

God doesnt exist outside yourself. Just focus on yourself and your behavior.

You think everything in the world just exists from nothing? Sounds like a very sad life to live.

They aren’t wrong- If they can’t handle trade school what makes you think they can handle college?

A non-zero number if these parents with NT kids think their kids are NT because they parented better. That's why they give advice -- they genuinely believe the reason their kids went ND is that it was parented out if them.

That definitely sucks, op! (Conversely I’ve had the experience with my neurodiverse kid who IS well suited for trade school that I’m given the advice that “he can do it!” about a traditional college experience he doesn’t want and wouldn’t thrive in, which also sucks!)