Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My son is anaphylactically allergic to peanuts and some tree nuts and my daughter is allergic to shellfish but is fine with fish. Since her allergy is not anaphylactic, she would be OK with a seafood restaurant. They both speak up clearly when there's a risk they could be served their allergen. You need to insert yourself at the correct time in the discussion, OP, if there is a risk you could end up in the hospital from a poor restaurant choice!!!

There is no reason to get offended. Either you speak up to save your own life; or you accept the restaurant choice because your allergy isn't that bad and you know you'll have other choices on the menu.

But this is on you. I have taught my children this from the time their allergies appeared, when they were little. People, even one's nearest and dearest, will forget. That's normal. It's YOUR job to decide whether you are medically fine with the options.

"Since her allergy is not anaphylactic" is a dangerous thing to believe if you're an allergy mom. That's not how allergies work.

Op should have said she didn't eat at seafood restaurants due to her allergy when multiple options were thrown out. Then if they chose that restaurant anyway, she'd have reason to be offended.

Our group bends over backwards to accommodate the family with allergies, though. It's a nice thing to do and the goal is to be together.

Or anyone, not just moms. My wife was deathly allergic to tree nuts her entire life and then boom, mid 30s it vanished.

And then she became deathly allergic to eggs. We keep epi pens in both cars, her purse and our house. I've administered it to her twice in 15 years. She is destroyed for the rest of the day and part of the next. It is traumatic. People die from this.

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t like you being a food snob like if they’re eating at Chili’s and you’re not down for it… I would be more than happy to change the location if a friend text and said hey girls I have a severe shellfish allergy. is there anyway we could choose a different place?

What does this mean then? Can your friend order shrimp pasta at the next place? Or clams casino? Or pan seared scallop? Does the kitchen have to be shellfish free? What is the rule here if it's about the allergy and safety?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you choose a restaurant knowing one of your friends was not comfortable there for a medical reason? Weird.

Right? I can list with perfect accuracy all of not only my friend's allergies but also their preferences. Anyone claiming they don't know their friend swells up like a balloon any time they eat shrimp or nuts is a shitty friend?

So don't order shrimp? Order the chicken, steak, wedge salad, or pork chop. This is so easy to navigate.

This isn’t like you being a food snob like if they’re eating at Chili’s and you’re not down for it… I would be more than happy to change the location if a friend text and said hey girls I have a severe shellfish allergy. is there anyway we could choose a different place?

Anonymous wrote:Why would you choose a restaurant knowing one of your friends was not comfortable there for a medical reason? Weird.

Right? I can list with perfect accuracy all of not only my friend's allergies but also their preferences. Anyone claiming they don't know their friend swells up like a balloon any time they eat shrimp or nuts is a shitty friend?

Anonymous wrote:I don't eat seafood and my own immediate family forgets. I NEVER think they don't love me. I just order steak.

I don't eat seafood, my husband loves seafood. There are always plenty of options for me when we go to a seafood restaurant. It's not about safety for OP she just wants to feel special and noticed.

Anonymous wrote:As soon as it was suggested (you said a bunch of restaurants were suggested) you say “oh, would prefer not Casa Larla because I’m allergic to shellfish. Any of the other options sound great!”

So why didn’t you speak up then??

This is the answer! It doesn’t make it all about you! You get a vote in the restaurant choice just like everyone else. Surely there are options that serve fish/shellfish for your friends and plenty of other options that are safe for you. If it’s someone’s birthday dinner or something, then they pick and you can decide if you’re comfortable going and getting a burger or sitting it out.

I am sure your friend just does not remember your allergy, or doesn’t realize it’s so serious that you’re uncomfortable eating at a seafood restaurant. Maybe she looked at the menu and saw some non-seafood options and assumed that would be fine for you. But if that isn’t the case, it’s on you to speak up! If your only reaction was taking a Benadryl and going home, she probably assumes it’s not that serious and you can get pasta while she gets oysters.

If that ship has sailed and the restaurant is locked in, just go and eat something else. Silently sitting it out, stewing about a perceived slight, does not help you at all and makes you seem like a drama queen.

Even restaurants that aren't mostly seafood still have seafood and shellfish on the menu so what difference does it make?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you reply that you don't eat at seafood restaurants due to your allergy?

OP here. I didn't reply at all because I don't want to make this about me. But Sarah knows my allergy and has seen me have an allergic reaction to a crab dip (thought it was artichoke dip) at a wedding a few years ago. I had to take a benadryl and go home.

I just would never suggest a place that I knew wouldn't work for someone. It seems deliberate.

OMG. You took a Benadryl and went home. You did not go to the hospital or whip out an epipen. Exhausting.

My friends have seen me go into anaphylaxis and I STILL wouldn't be offended or feel it was targeted if they forgot and suggested a seafood restaurant.

Those aren't friends, sweetheart.

I don't eat seafood and my own immediate family forgets. I NEVER think they don't love me. I just order steak.

I would go to the restaurant and eat some fish. Because I am not a pathetic picky little child. And I wouldn’t get offended by the suggestion, for the same reason.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a salad. It should be about the company, not the meal.

+1
There are so many food intolerances these days it's hard to remember and plan around. If you can find SOMETHING at the restaurant to eat, go and be quiet about it. Don't be that person. I have a lot of tolerance for people with something like celiac. You don't like fish? Get over yourself.

She's ALLERGIC to fish. Be more thoughtful.

It's not airborne. She's allergic to SHELLFISH and can avoid eating SHELLFISH. boom, done.

How hard is it not to go to a seafood restaurant? A lot easier than actually going to a seafood restaurant, since most places are not seafood restaurants.

I eat everything and have no allergies, but it's so easy to remember other people's dietary restrictions and be thoughtful about it. I don't know why those without them sometimes get so strident about making people with issues just DEAL WITH IT. They're already DEALING WITH IT without their friends making them feel like they're whiny defective freaks.

A bunch of restaurants were thrown out and this one won. Next time it will be someplace else. It is one dinner - no one is making a big deal except OP. Go for the company and order a burger. I have friends who are diabetic, celiac, on keto, shellfish allergies, peanut allergies and on and on. This is a largish group. Go with the flow.

In the OP, the seafood restaurant was one of the suggestions, not the choice.

So we're offended it was just suggested? Ay yi yi.

Anonymous wrote:
My son is anaphylactically allergic to peanuts and some tree nuts and my daughter is allergic to shellfish but is fine with fish. Since her allergy is not anaphylactic, she would be OK with a seafood restaurant. They both speak up clearly when there's a risk they could be served their allergen. You need to insert yourself at the correct time in the discussion, OP, if there is a risk you could end up in the hospital from a poor restaurant choice!!!

There is no reason to get offended. Either you speak up to save your own life; or you accept the restaurant choice because your allergy isn't that bad and you know you'll have other choices on the menu.

But this is on you. I have taught my children this from the time their allergies appeared, when they were little. People, even one's nearest and dearest, will forget. That's normal. It's YOUR job to decide whether you are medically fine with the options.

"Since her allergy is not anaphylactic" is a dangerous thing to believe if you're an allergy mom. That's not how allergies work.

Op should have said she didn't eat at seafood restaurants due to her allergy when multiple options were thrown out. Then if they chose that restaurant anyway, she'd have reason to be offended.

Our group bends over backwards to accommodate the family with allergies, though. It's a nice thing to do and the goal is to be together.

Anonymous wrote:
My son is anaphylactically allergic to peanuts and some tree nuts and my daughter is allergic to shellfish but is fine with fish. Since her allergy is not anaphylactic, she would be OK with a seafood restaurant. They both speak up clearly when there's a risk they could be served their allergen. You need to insert yourself at the correct time in the discussion, OP, if there is a risk you could end up in the hospital from a poor restaurant choice!!!

There is no reason to get offended. Either you speak up to save your own life; or you accept the restaurant choice because your allergy isn't that bad and you know you'll have other choices on the menu.

But this is on you. I have taught my children this from the time their allergies appeared, when they were little. People, even one's nearest and dearest, will forget. That's normal. It's YOUR job to decide whether you are medically fine with the options.

+1. You have to advocate for yourself. That will also save you from being so offended by something that almost surely was an accident. Seriously.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a salad. It should be about the company, not the meal.

+1
There are so many food intolerances these days it's hard to remember and plan around. If you can find SOMETHING at the restaurant to eat, go and be quiet about it. Don't be that person. I have a lot of tolerance for people with something like celiac. You don't like fish? Get over yourself.

She's ALLERGIC to fish. Be more thoughtful.

It's not airborne. She's allergic to SHELLFISH and can avoid eating SHELLFISH. boom, done.

How hard is it not to go to a seafood restaurant? A lot easier than actually going to a seafood restaurant, since most places are not seafood restaurants.

I eat everything and have no allergies, but it's so easy to remember other people's dietary restrictions and be thoughtful about it. I don't know why those without them sometimes get so strident about making people with issues just DEAL WITH IT. They're already DEALING WITH IT without their friends making them feel like they're whiny defective freaks.

A bunch of restaurants were thrown out and this one won. Next time it will be someplace else. It is one dinner - no one is making a big deal except OP. Go for the company and order a burger. I have friends who are diabetic, celiac, on keto, shellfish allergies, peanut allergies and on and on. This is a largish group. Go with the flow.

In the OP, the seafood restaurant was one of the suggestions, not the choice.