Everything's expensive in Miami. $500 would get a private room, but an escort is going to be $2,000 so he probably didnt' get that for his $500.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s innocent about a lap dance in a fully nude club? The woman is grinding on him and getting him off while his hands are God knows where. You’re okay with this?

OP here- no, I’m not ok with it. I’m trying to get a sense of what likely happened as a starting point. For starters, I would think that payment for a dance or VIP room entry would be paid directly to the club, and not to a dancer directly via Venmo. Is this correct? So my assumption is that the $500 “tip” is for extras

No one is actually answering you. Yes, payment for a lap dance, or anything else that occurs in that club will ALWAYS be made to the club. His payment to her directly was not at all likely for any such "services" that occurred in the club and most likely, after her shift was over.

No. Not at all the case.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s innocent about a lap dance in a fully nude club? The woman is grinding on him and getting him off while his hands are God knows where. You’re okay with this?

OP here- no, I’m not ok with it. I’m trying to get a sense of what likely happened as a starting point. For starters, I would think that payment for a dance or VIP room entry would be paid directly to the club, and not to a dancer directly via Venmo. Is this correct? So my assumption is that the $500 “tip” is for extras

He had sex with the woman. End of story.

Is it even possible that it’s just a lap dance? I’m thinking no. But am curious

It is possible. A regular lap dance is around $20 in the main public room and last 1 or 2 songs or 2 to 4 minutes.
You can pay for a private lap dance in a private VIP room. You'll be alone with the girl and she will give a more sensual lap dance for 30 to 60 min. Paying $500 for 30-60 min in privacy is reasonable.

Former dancer here.

The dancer could have weaseled the $500 out of him as a "tip" for the lap dance. If he sat and talked with her after and she gave him a sob story. Or if he was wanting to seem like a high rolling type to impress her he might have just tipped her that huge amount; very, very unlikely though.

Chances are, though, that with that amount of $$ it could have been in exchange for more than a lap dance. I'm not familiar with the set up and laws in FL -- in some states some places have private rooms where all kinds of things happen right there at the club, and in other states more than a lap dance would have to be meeting up privately later. (For example, there was absolutely no touching the dancers in my club, and no private rooms, and if a dancer was giving a dance and there was any touching a bouncer would intervene almost immediately, including if the dancer did the touching -- that club didn't mess with the law and it's license). But I'll add that we dancers were paid for lap dances, customers weren't paying the club for them they were paying us directly, and we then tipped out the house (and the dj, and the house mom, etc, etc, etc). So paying the dancer via Venmo is not weird to me at all. I suppose it could have been just for the lap dance, if it was a featured dancer there for the night or something -- they set their own rates for dances. It's possible. Super unlikely, but possible.

No way of knowing for sure. So my educated take is that he could be telling your the truth, but it is super unlikely.

I consider this cheating and divorce-worthy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s innocent about a lap dance in a fully nude club? The woman is grinding on him and getting him off while his hands are God knows where. You’re okay with this?

OP here- no, I’m not ok with it. I’m trying to get a sense of what likely happened as a starting point. For starters, I would think that payment for a dance or VIP room entry would be paid directly to the club, and not to a dancer directly via Venmo. Is this correct? So my assumption is that the $500 “tip” is for extras

He had sex with the woman. End of story.

Is it even possible that it’s just a lap dance? I’m thinking no. But am curious

It is certainly POSSIBLE that it was "just a lap dance." That's a lot of money to pay for nothing. $500 is a decent hourly rate for a highly paid escort. A lap dance is probably more like, at most, $50/song. At a very high end club, a private somewhat longer than average lap dance would probably be $100-200. Either he got SEVERAL innocent lap dances, which really pushes the "innocent" boundary, or he was doing something else for a lot of money he paid someone directly.

Uh, no. It's fairly mind-range for an escort. No "highly paid" escort fee is in the $500 range and those escorts aren't working dance clubs.

Fair, and I guess you maybe know more about what escorts charge than I do! My point was mostly that this is within the range for THAT level of s-work, not the club-based, one-dance-based type of situation that is likely being described by the OP's husband.

DP. It's not really divided like that. You can pay $1000+ for an hour in a VIP at a strip club if that's your thing, and not get anything more than a dance. You can also get an hour with an escort for less than that.

The fact that the payment was direct is a lot more suspicious, especially if there's not ALSO a payment to the club. A $500 tip at a nice club isn't out of the question for a longer VIP session (I've tipped $250 for an hour at Crystal City Restaurant and that place is a dive), but you'd also see a payment to the club for the dance. I've also never had a dancer that took Venmo for tips but it's possible.

OP to be clear: the $500 if it WAS for a "lap dance" was off the books at the strip club. In the parking lot, in a car, in a hotel, in a no-tell motel, in an apartment. And those "lap dances" don't necessarily follow the "innocent" rules and may most likely have involved him getting his rocks off.

If you are ok with your DH orgasming in the presence of somebody besides you, well, go ask him for some shoes.

Do you have an income? Or are you putting up with stuff because you are financially dependent? If the latter I am sorry but it doesn't sound like a safe sinecure.

A lot of strippers double as dominatrices or mistresses, so perhaps she after hours for a spanking or other domination activity. They may not necessarily have had sex. And, in that case the payment would go to her rather than the establishment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s innocent about a lap dance in a fully nude club? The woman is grinding on him and getting him off while his hands are God knows where. You’re okay with this?

OP here- no, I’m not ok with it. I’m trying to get a sense of what likely happened as a starting point. For starters, I would think that payment for a dance or VIP room entry would be paid directly to the club, and not to a dancer directly via Venmo. Is this correct? So my assumption is that the $500 “tip” is for extras

He had sex with the woman. End of story.

Is it even possible that it’s just a lap dance? I’m thinking no. But am curious

It is certainly POSSIBLE that it was "just a lap dance." That's a lot of money to pay for nothing. $500 is a decent hourly rate for a highly paid escort. A lap dance is probably more like, at most, $50/song. At a very high end club, a private somewhat longer than average lap dance would probably be $100-200. Either he got SEVERAL innocent lap dances, which really pushes the "innocent" boundary, or he was doing something else for a lot of money he paid someone directly.

Uh, no. It's fairly mind-range for an escort. No "highly paid" escort fee is in the $500 range and those escorts aren't working dance clubs.

Fair, and I guess you maybe know more about what escorts charge than I do! My point was mostly that this is within the range for THAT level of s-work, not the club-based, one-dance-based type of situation that is likely being described by the OP's husband.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s innocent about a lap dance in a fully nude club? The woman is grinding on him and getting him off while his hands are God knows where. You’re okay with this?

OP here- no, I’m not ok with it. I’m trying to get a sense of what likely happened as a starting point. For starters, I would think that payment for a dance or VIP room entry would be paid directly to the club, and not to a dancer directly via Venmo. Is this correct? So my assumption is that the $500 “tip” is for extras

He had sex with the woman. End of story.

Is it even possible that it’s just a lap dance? I’m thinking no. But am curious

It is certainly POSSIBLE that it was "just a lap dance." That's a lot of money to pay for nothing. $500 is a decent hourly rate for a highly paid escort. A lap dance is probably more like, at most, $50/song. At a very high end club, a private somewhat longer than average lap dance would probably be $100-200. Either he got SEVERAL innocent lap dances, which really pushes the "innocent" boundary, or he was doing something else for a lot of money he paid someone directly.

Uh, no. It's fairly mind-range for an escort. No "highly paid" escort fee is in the $500 range and those escorts aren't working dance clubs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s innocent about a lap dance in a fully nude club? The woman is grinding on him and getting him off while his hands are God knows where. You’re okay with this?

OP here- no, I’m not ok with it. I’m trying to get a sense of what likely happened as a starting point. For starters, I would think that payment for a dance or VIP room entry would be paid directly to the club, and not to a dancer directly via Venmo. Is this correct? So my assumption is that the $500 “tip” is for extras

No one is actually answering you. Yes, payment for a lap dance, or anything else that occurs in that club will ALWAYS be made to the club. His payment to her directly was not at all likely for any such "services" that occurred in the club and most likely, after her shift was over.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s innocent about a lap dance in a fully nude club? The woman is grinding on him and getting him off while his hands are God knows where. You’re okay with this?

OP here- no, I’m not ok with it. I’m trying to get a sense of what likely happened as a starting point. For starters, I would think that payment for a dance or VIP room entry would be paid directly to the club, and not to a dancer directly via Venmo. Is this correct? So my assumption is that the $500 “tip” is for extras

He had sex with the woman. End of story.

Is it even possible that it’s just a lap dance? I’m thinking no. But am curious

It is certainly POSSIBLE that it was "just a lap dance." That's a lot of money to pay for nothing. $500 is a decent hourly rate for a highly paid escort. A lap dance is probably more like, at most, $50/song. At a very high end club, a private somewhat longer than average lap dance would probably be $100-200. Either he got SEVERAL innocent lap dances, which really pushes the "innocent" boundary, or he was doing something else for a lot of money he paid someone directly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be kind of pissed about the $500. We make pretty good money, but that’s a lot to piss away on nothing. It would take me most of a work day to make that after taxes.

With $500 we could go out to a really fancy dinner. We could make a nice charitable donation at Christmas. We could fly one of the kids out to visit my mom. We could both get a really nice pair of shoes.

It really seems like a lot of money to just throw away.

But you’re otherwise okay with your husband cavorting with a strange naked woman?

Well, that's just sex. Who cares?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s innocent about a lap dance in a fully nude club? The woman is grinding on him and getting him off while his hands are God knows where. You’re okay with this?

+1

Trickle truthing. He only admits to what you can prove. Be sure, it's only the tip of the iceberg, and the tip of the iceberg is already really bad.

JUST THE TIP. He will swear it was just the tip.

op come back are you made he cheated or that it cost $500?

Why are you ok with your DH going to a strip club? Totally wasting money.

I have zero problems with strip clubs for single guys. Married ok if wife is ok with it. Paying them not on the club tab hell no,.