Esp for older women, there tends to develop group think about what is beautiful. I see a lot of wealthy white women with shiny taut skin, Botox, and fillers in their duck lips. I also observe wealthy crunchy women who have adopted an artsy aesthetic. They look slightly frumpy compared to the first group, but still look like they have money, like Eileen Fisher as opposed to Talbots.

Duh; but yes usually same SES due to circumstances and compatibility. There are attractive people in each echelon.

As an Asian American girl growing up in mostly White communities, I always felt ugly. But a lot has changed in terms of how beauty and attractiveness are defined. Looking back, I can see that I was pretty darn cute, and now that we are all in our 50s, beauty in youth did not necessarily predict attractiveness in middle age. The point of all of this is that standards of attractiveness are highly subjective, culturally biased, and change.

Of course. That's why it's always noticeable when someone good looking is with someone who is not as good looking.

I think it is like this with friends too but not as consistently.

Of course, beauty standards are relative.

We are all hard wired to seek out fit, healthy people with good bone structure. Basic evolutionary impulses. But in a modern society where we don’t need to be so dependent on physical gifts to live, emotional compatibility becomes more important.

And as you get older, there’s more stress on compatibility rather than great looks, which are often fleeting. The hot 25 year old is not always the hot 45 year old. In olden times most people would be dead by 45, so it didn’t matter. Compatibility is what matters over the long run today. But you should still go to the gym regardless

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Define attractive

This. Honestly, I have seen so very few people in my life who I consider unattractive. Maybe they have a look I am not drawn to, but that doesn’t mean they are unattractive. Almost everyone is attractive.

Oh come on. Everyone understands how attractiveness is relative, whether they want to admit it or not. You don't need a one (oh, let's say June Shannon of Honey Boo Boo fame) and a 10 (oh, say Bella Hadid) to compare to figure this out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just joined a 55 and over community to snowbird at. I think I was 56 and DH 59 when we bought there 2.5 years ago. We’re some of the youngest and we’re fairly attractive.
I noticed that all our good friends there are younger (like us) and attractive.
So that’s how the world works, I am thinking.

This isn’t an attractiveness thing, it’s an age thing. There are people there old enough to be your parents and they have nothing in common with you.

Mmmm there are many others our age there. We tend to be friends with just the attractive ones.

Anonymous wrote:From about late elementary school until middle age, friends tend to be roughly the same range of attractiveness.

In a group of 20-something women, you might have a couple stunners and a couple who are more average but at least they're fit and dress well. It would be unlikely to have some obese woman who doesn't put effort into her appearance as part of the group.

But things start to change around your 30's, and money and status become the social capital by the time you're middle aged.

It is more status, connections and money and I am in my early 40s. There are groups of women I know who are pretty average but they wear designer clothes, regularly do all kinds of procedures, and band together at events.

Anonymous wrote:We just joined a 55 and over community to snowbird at. I think I was 56 and DH 59 when we bought there 2.5 years ago. We’re some of the youngest and we’re fairly attractive.
I noticed that all our good friends there are younger (like us) and attractive.
So that’s how the world works, I am thinking.

Lol you and your friends are not attractive. You’re just 20 years younger than everyone else there and are considered weird by most people your age. Most people your age are not ready for the retirement community yet.

Looking around me, there really are not that many truly unattractive people in professional workplaces. People are required to adhere to some minimum level of grooming and self-awareness in order to not get fired.

Anonymous wrote:We just joined a 55 and over community to snowbird at. I think I was 56 and DH 59 when we bought there 2.5 years ago. We’re some of the youngest and we’re fairly attractive.
I noticed that all our good friends there are younger (like us) and attractive.
So that’s how the world works, I am thinking.

This isn’t an attractiveness thing, it’s an age thing. There are people there old enough to be your parents and they have nothing in common with you.

Attractive women gravitate to wealthy men.

I don't know. Hubby and I were very good looking, I would say him more than me. My sister was gorgeous, and married a total ugly. But, she thought he was handsome. My friend groups are all on different spectrums of looks. I don't care what my friends look like; who actually cares if their friends are good-looking???
In the eyes of the beholder and all that.

From about late elementary school until middle age, friends tend to be roughly the same range of attractiveness.

In a group of 20-something women, you might have a couple stunners and a couple who are more average but at least they're fit and dress well. It would be unlikely to have some obese woman who doesn't put effort into her appearance as part of the group.

But things start to change around your 30's, and money and status become the social capital by the time you're middle aged.

I don’t believe that I am unattractive, but do think I am less physically attractive than most of my close friends. One thing I’ve noticed is that very attractive women who are also smart and introverted can easily be thought to be snobby or condescending. Two of my closest friends are objectively extremely attractive and also introverted and intelligent. I think that combination can be disarming to people. One of these women in particular is one of the kindest, most generous of spirit and supportive people I know.