Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am aware of several people who became very seriously mentally ill for the first time in middle age. There were signs of minor issues before but they totally lost control in middle age. I'm taking about serious stuff. Career destroyed. Sudden domestic violence. Involuntarily committed. Two men and one woman, at least. All high powered professionals.

What were the minor issue signs?

In my friends case, a hypersensitivity and histrionic way about things that most people would find mildly annoying and be able to move past. For her, these things stayed. So if someone made a comment in passing that she found offensive, she would carry it with her for YEARS in anger. Also, rather selfish and childlike in many ways. She once burst into tears because a friend scheduled their baby shower on her bday. We all said we’d celebrate her bday another day and that wasn’t good enough for her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Until she realizes the distortions in her thoughts and that her behavior is not normal, nothing you do to help her will work.

They rarely realize this and often get angry when you try to point it out.

That's exactly right. I'm the PP who posted about the two women I knew who suddenly manifested severe mental illness in middle age. By what turned out to be the end of their lives, both were alienated from all except a small number of ill-intentioned yes people. My heart still aches terribly when I think about them.

But you know what? I don't have the extra guilt of having lied to them. Especially with the one who died of AIDS, I fought so hard to help her open her eyes and seek treatment. She refused and others around her also refused to be honest with her because they were afraid of losing her friendship and being cut off. Well, she's dead now of an easily treated illness that she had diagnosed way too late. Imagine if everyone had spoken with one voice that she needed help? That is their guilt to carry. Don't make the same mistake of mincing words with someone who is spiraling. You'll lose them to that illness.

How did you do this? I’m struggling to find openings.

Late 30s/early 40s is pretty common. My DH’s older sister was always a bit off but really unraveled in her 30s and should have been institutionalized for her own safety in her early 40s.

I didn’t think too much about its heritability until now-exDH hit is early 40s and began his own rapid descent into mental illness. I think 40 is a critical age for mental illness showing if someone hasn’t already developed obvious signs around 18-25.

In my experience the challenge is that by that age the person has been independent for long enough that they have the resources to avoid help for a very long time and can also hide from society in a way that a teen or young adult could not. Even now very few people believe that ex-Dh is as ill as he is, because he pulled away from people and was able to just barely hang on to white collar employment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, mental illness doesn't typically appear first in middle age. BUT middle age is typically when people who are untreated lose control of their mental illness and can no longer compensate or hide it behind closed doors.

Oh no. Any advice for a friend who wants to help?

Same. My dear friend also unraveled in middle age. When I ever so gently brought it up, I only managed to greatly offend my friend.

Yes, see the post by the person who scrubbed their porch with bleach after having seen a rat on it

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister developed delusional disorder at age 46. There is a family history of mental illness (mom was schizophrenic).

Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear this. Is she ok now??

Not really. She quit her job and quit talking to all her friends and relatives. They send emails and leave messages that she ignores. She stays home all day, and I am sure she is at minimum chronically depressed. Just lies there on the couch doing nothing.

Does she have enough money? If so, why do you care?

I would love just stop working and ignore everyone. I am not mentally ill. I am run down and exhausted. I will be doing that in about 8 years. I have enough money.

Yes, it can happen, but she should see a neurologist. She could also have a brain tumor. I am not kidding.

Anonymous wrote:I am aware of several people who became very seriously mentally ill for the first time in middle age. There were signs of minor issues before but they totally lost control in middle age. I'm taking about serious stuff. Career destroyed. Sudden domestic violence. Involuntarily committed. Two men and one woman, at least. All high powered professionals.

What were the minor issue signs?

Stress can trigger mental breaks in anyone.

Ambition and achieving can be compulsive behaviors that are just considered adaptive in our society. If the underlying compulsion is never addressed and managed then it could compound over time and become maladaptive.

Anonymous wrote:

Until she realizes the distortions in her thoughts and that her behavior is not normal, nothing you do to help her will work.

They rarely realize this and often get angry when you try to point it out.

That's exactly right. I'm the PP who posted about the two women I knew who suddenly manifested severe mental illness in middle age. By what turned out to be the end of their lives, both were alienated from all except a small number of ill-intentioned yes people. My heart still aches terribly when I think about them.

But you know what? I don't have the extra guilt of having lied to them. Especially with the one who died of AIDS, I fought so hard to help her open her eyes and seek treatment. She refused and others around her also refused to be honest with her because they were afraid of losing her friendship and being cut off. Well, she's dead now of an easily treated illness that she had diagnosed way too late. Imagine if everyone had spoken with one voice that she needed help? That is their guilt to carry. Don't make the same mistake of mincing words with someone who is spiraling. You'll lose them to that illness.

I am aware of several people who became very seriously mentally ill for the first time in middle age. There were signs of minor issues before but they totally lost control in middle age. I'm taking about serious stuff. Career destroyed. Sudden domestic violence. Involuntarily committed. Two men and one woman, at least. All high powered professionals.

Anonymous wrote:I was first diagnosed with bipolar in my 40s, after good treatment and the correct meds I’m doing well.

It’s nice to hear a happier story. Congrats! How did you end up getting help? Did you seek it? Did others push you there? Or encourage?

Until she realizes the distortions in her thoughts and that her behavior is not normal, nothing you do to help her will work.

They rarely realize this and often get angry when you try to point it out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister developed delusional disorder at age 46. There is a family history of mental illness (mom was schizophrenic).

Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear this. Is she ok now??

Not really. She quit her job and quit talking to all her friends and relatives. They send emails and leave messages that she ignores. She stays home all day, and I am sure she is at minimum chronically depressed. Just lies there on the couch doing nothing.

But to continue, a big part of the problem was she refused to admit she was (and is) mentally ill, and refused (still refuses) to seek treatment. Very common with mental illness, unfortunately.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister developed delusional disorder at age 46. There is a family history of mental illness (mom was schizophrenic).

Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear this. Is she ok now??

Not really. She quit her job and quit talking to all her friends and relatives. They send emails and leave messages that she ignores. She stays home all day, and I am sure she is at minimum chronically depressed. Just lies there on the couch doing nothing.