Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will be paying tons of alimony

It’s really unfair, since I am the one who supported him thru college and we took care of kids 65/35%. Kids always need mom, at least when they are 3 and 7, and they are both girls.

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely consult with a lawyer and get their advice. Too late now but why did you marry so quickly?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will be paying tons of alimony

It’s really unfair, since I am the one who supported him thru college and we took care of kids 65/35%. Kids always need mom, at least when they are 3 and 7, and they are both girls.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Therapy for yourself first.
2. If he's a good dad, then perhaps you both can negotiate/settle custody amicably.
3. I would caution waiting because if you are already not talking to each other when you're in the house, your kids as they get older will pick up on the tension, if they haven't already. That is not healthy. If you can turn this into a low-conflict parenting marriage, that's one thing, and I would have gone for that in my situation, but there was abuse in mine, so it wasn't an option. But if you are fighting on and off, your kids will notice. Then it's better to settle apart. You can make it so you see the kids most days.

Thank you, I am already in therapy. I don’t think it’s just the communication… for my 40th birthday, I wanted to go out of country to resort, kids were 1.5 and 5, but he wanted to do Airbnb since it’s more exciting and fun… We had two little kids, relaxing at the resort would be the right option… and it was for my birthday… anyways, I couldn’t get him to agree to an all inclusive, so we ended up not going. For my big promotion at work, I organized a party, when I asked my hubby to help, he said that I am not allowing him to eat and acted like a guest versus a host… while I was organizing games, etc. When my youngest daughter was having anaphylactic reaction, he argued with me about calling 912 hoping Zyrtec would work, he only apologized a year later… when I am sick and stressed bc of work, he won’t comfort me, so I feel like I have lots of responsibilities and zero help or consideration for my well being…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Therapy for yourself first.
2. If he's a good dad, then perhaps you both can negotiate/settle custody amicably.
3. I would caution waiting because if you are already not talking to each other when you're in the house, your kids as they get older will pick up on the tension, if they haven't already. That is not healthy. If you can turn this into a low-conflict parenting marriage, that's one thing, and I would have gone for that in my situation, but there was abuse in mine, so it wasn't an option. But if you are fighting on and off, your kids will notice. Then it's better to settle apart. You can make it so you see the kids most days.

Thank you, I am already in therapy. I don’t think it’s just the communication… for my 40th birthday, I wanted to go out of country to resort, kids were 1.5 and 5, but he wanted to do Airbnb since it’s more exciting and fun… We had two little kids, relaxing at the resort would be the right option… and it was for my birthday… anyways, I couldn’t get him to agree to an all inclusive, so we ended up not going. For my big promotion at work, I organized a party, when I asked my hubby to help, he said that I am not allowing him to eat and acted like a guest versus a host… while I was organizing games, etc. When my youngest daughter was having anaphylactic reaction, he argued with me about calling 912 hoping Zyrtec would work, he only apologized a year later… when I am sick and stressed bc of work, he won’t comfort me, so I feel like I have lots of responsibilities and zero help or consideration for my well being…

This is nonsense. Grow up OP. And I say this for your own good. Call 911 without asking his permission. If my kid were in danger, I'd call without glancing in my spouse's direction, and he would do same.

Do you have girlfriends? Call them when you are stressed. Thay's what girlfriends are for. It sucks he is not attentive when you are sick. This is the only real complaint you have in that write- up of yours.

Let him pick the damn vacations if he is so picky. And you can book some vacations with your friends if he is not interested. You are not conjoined twins. As for the kids, they are too young to care either way, so they will be happy anywhere you take them. Hire sitters, have fun with girlfriends.

Lower your expectations. Throw money at the problems and be happy!

Thank you! I will try that… (if booking vacation was up to him, we would only go to our vacation house in VA).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Therapy for yourself first.
2. If he's a good dad, then perhaps you both can negotiate/settle custody amicably.
3. I would caution waiting because if you are already not talking to each other when you're in the house, your kids as they get older will pick up on the tension, if they haven't already. That is not healthy. If you can turn this into a low-conflict parenting marriage, that's one thing, and I would have gone for that in my situation, but there was abuse in mine, so it wasn't an option. But if you are fighting on and off, your kids will notice. Then it's better to settle apart. You can make it so you see the kids most days.

Thank you, I am already in therapy. I don’t think it’s just the communication… for my 40th birthday, I wanted to go out of country to resort, kids were 1.5 and 5, but he wanted to do Airbnb since it’s more exciting and fun… We had two little kids, relaxing at the resort would be the right option… and it was for my birthday… anyways, I couldn’t get him to agree to an all inclusive, so we ended up not going. For my big promotion at work, I organized a party, when I asked my hubby to help, he said that I am not allowing him to eat and acted like a guest versus a host… while I was organizing games, etc. When my youngest daughter was having anaphylactic reaction, he argued with me about calling 912 hoping Zyrtec would work, he only apologized a year later… when I am sick and stressed bc of work, he won’t comfort me, so I feel like I have lots of responsibilities and zero help or consideration for my well being…

This is nonsense. Grow up OP. And I say this for your own good. Call 911 without asking his permission. If my kid were in danger, I'd call without glancing in my spouse's direction, and he would do same.

Do you have girlfriends? Call them when you are stressed. Thay's what girlfriends are for. It sucks he is not attentive when you are sick. This is the only real complaint you have in that write- up of yours.

Let him pick the damn vacations if he is so picky. And you can book some vacations with your friends if he is not interested. You are not conjoined twins. As for the kids, they are too young to care either way, so they will be happy anywhere you take them. Hire sitters, have fun with girlfriends.

Lower your expectations. Throw money at the problems and be happy!

Thank you! I will try that… (if booking vacation was up to him, we would only go to our vacation house in VA).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Therapy for yourself first.
2. If he's a good dad, then perhaps you both can negotiate/settle custody amicably.
3. I would caution waiting because if you are already not talking to each other when you're in the house, your kids as they get older will pick up on the tension, if they haven't already. That is not healthy. If you can turn this into a low-conflict parenting marriage, that's one thing, and I would have gone for that in my situation, but there was abuse in mine, so it wasn't an option. But if you are fighting on and off, your kids will notice. Then it's better to settle apart. You can make it so you see the kids most days.

Thank you, I am already in therapy. I don’t think it’s just the communication… for my 40th birthday, I wanted to go out of country to resort, kids were 1.5 and 5, but he wanted to do Airbnb since it’s more exciting and fun… We had two little kids, relaxing at the resort would be the right option… and it was for my birthday… anyways, I couldn’t get him to agree to an all inclusive, so we ended up not going. For my big promotion at work, I organized a party, when I asked my hubby to help, he said that I am not allowing him to eat and acted like a guest versus a host… while I was organizing games, etc. When my youngest daughter was having anaphylactic reaction, he argued with me about calling 912 hoping Zyrtec would work, he only apologized a year later… when I am sick and stressed bc of work, he won’t comfort me, so I feel like I have lots of responsibilities and zero help or consideration for my well being…

This is nonsense. Grow up OP. And I say this for your own good. Call 911 without asking his permission. If my kid were in danger, I'd call without glancing in my spouse's direction, and he would do same.

Do you have girlfriends? Call them when you are stressed. Thay's what girlfriends are for. It sucks he is not attentive when you are sick. This is the only real complaint you have in that write- up of yours.

Let him pick the damn vacations if he is so picky. And you can book some vacations with your friends if he is not interested. You are not conjoined twins. As for the kids, they are too young to care either way, so they will be happy anywhere you take them. Hire sitters, have fun with girlfriends.

Lower your expectations. Throw money at the problems and be happy!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will be paying tons of alimony

It’s really unfair, since I am the one who supported him thru college and we took care of kids 65/35%. Kids always need mom, at least when they are 3 and 7, and they are both girls.

Welcome to the table! It’s been this way for men always. Why should it be any different for women?

Because men are usually not the ones who take care of kids in addition to building their career. As I mentioned it is 65% on me to take care of kids on a daily basis. I am the one who keeps track of their activities, schedule their activities, do 70% of pick up and drop off, sleep with them and take care of them when they are sick… My husband is not a stay home dad… he has been going to college and then building his career, while I was taking care of kids 65% of time and advancing as well…

DP.

This does not make any sense. You chose a man who earned much less than you did. You got into this with your eyes wide open. Now you have what you wanted ( kids), and you want to eat your cake and have it too.

You knew there was a chance your marriage would end in divorce and still chose to have kids with someone you'd have to support if the marriage ended.

If money is that important to you, marry at your income level.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Therapy for yourself first.
2. If he's a good dad, then perhaps you both can negotiate/settle custody amicably.
3. I would caution waiting because if you are already not talking to each other when you're in the house, your kids as they get older will pick up on the tension, if they haven't already. That is not healthy. If you can turn this into a low-conflict parenting marriage, that's one thing, and I would have gone for that in my situation, but there was abuse in mine, so it wasn't an option. But if you are fighting on and off, your kids will notice. Then it's better to settle apart. You can make it so you see the kids most days.

Thank you, I am already in therapy. I don’t think it’s just the communication… for my 40th birthday, I wanted to go out of country to resort, kids were 1.5 and 5, but he wanted to do Airbnb since it’s more exciting and fun… We had two little kids, relaxing at the resort would be the right option… and it was for my birthday… anyways, I couldn’t get him to agree to an all inclusive, so we ended up not going. For my big promotion at work, I organized a party, when I asked my hubby to help, he said that I am not allowing him to eat and acted like a guest versus a host… while I was organizing games, etc. When my youngest daughter was having anaphylactic reaction, he argued with me about calling 912 hoping Zyrtec would work, he only apologized a year later… when I am sick and stressed bc of work, he won’t comfort me, so I feel like I have lots of responsibilities and zero help or consideration for my well being…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These are not great reasons to put your kids through the trauma of a broken home. There are a lot of polite lies about this (“better to see mom happy!”) but the reality is ugly. Dad’s rotating new girlfriends, blended families, lack of stability shuffling btw houses.

So many people are saying they knew at 40, went thru it at 60 and wish they did it earlier….

Eh, they have know way of knowing it would have been better. Lots of problems come from divorcing in your 40s with young kids. If you are in a relatively conflict free marriage and they are a good parent- it’s better for your kids to stay married. Perhaps not better for your dating life- but which is more important?