She is in a hypnagogic state - exploring creative ideas that will make history - which may be mistaken as deep sleep. LeBron does this daily, at least 12 hours 'sleep' where he is creating and playing in his head the mind-blowing passes in court

Anonymous wrote:I was that sleeping roommate. Turns out I had an autoimmune disorder.

Same with me. Was up to sleeping 20 hours a day at one point. I just couldn’t stay awake. Also was an autoimmune disorder.

My first thought is mono. Both my college kids caught it in college. But it could be another illness that she may or not have disclosed to your daughter. I would have DD express concern directly to her roommate and see what she learns. She can encourage her to visit the health center and make sure she is aware of mental health resources if their conversation suggests depression. If she is not receptive to speaking with DD or getting outside help, DD should reach out to the RA.

I would reach out to the roommate’s mom if DD is confident it is depression and she’s not getting support at school. My DC’s ex died by suicide. The risk is real.

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand what the heck is wrong with the MYOB posters. Are these the same type of people who would walk past an unconscious victim in the street instead of calling for help? These are the same type of people who ignored Kitty Genovese's cries? Do you want other people to do the same if your kid is sick or in in danger?

Depressed kids commit suicide. It's not morally okay to ignore this. First step would be for OP's kid to tell someone in charge at the college. Thank you for caring about someone else's kid, OP.

No need to be dramatic. The majority of depressed kids do NOT commit suicide. And the amount of public apathy towards Kitty was exaggerated.

I've seen a lot of depression and suicide/suicide-attempts in my life. Your DD should approach your RA. Most likely, they will approach in a way that doesn't reveal someone has noticed an issue. But even if not, your DD's concerns about her roommate getting mad at her shouldn't outweigh health and safety.

This is life, and it's hard. And a lot of difficult things happen in college. You DD will feel worse if something worse happens to her roommate.

If the roommate is sleeping this much, they have likely missed classes including at least a couple where there is attendance (e.g. discussion sections). That could be an avenue the RA pursues. It's also possible the residential staff have noticed, which could give your DD some relief.

I would gauge reaching out to the mom directly on the basis of how she's likely to react. You know her the best.

No, that's not right. Your daughter needs to alert the RA and you need to tell the parent, in a neutral, FYI, way.

I would want to know, OP.

95% chance this is depression, but I want to throw out mono as a possibility too. I got it in college and barely left my dorm room for the better part of a couple of months.

Anonymous wrote:My daughter's roommate is very nice but low energy at baseline. All good except lately it's turned into her sleeping 18+ hours per day and not really engaging much with the outside world aside from going to class. She'll sleep in to 2pm, get up for 2 hours and go back to bed for 4 hours. Wake up and eat and go back to bed.

I met the mom at drop off and she is super nice. We've talked on the phone for a few times and we text back and forth with any pictures we receive of the kids.

Would you reach out about this? I would want to know if it was my kid but I don't want to overstep.

C'mon this is an 18-19 yr old. Of course, I would reach out.

I would want to know and would rather the roommate be upset than for her to do something permanently reckless instead. We're going into winter, so chances are that this behavior could worsen.

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand what the heck is wrong with the MYOB posters. Are these the same type of people who would walk past an unconscious victim in the street instead of calling for help? These are the same type of people who ignored Kitty Genovese's cries? Do you want other people to do the same if your kid is sick or in in danger?

Depressed kids commit suicide. It's not morally okay to ignore this. First step would be for OP's kid to tell someone in charge at the college. Thank you for caring about someone else's kid, OP.

This. I shouldn’t be surprised by DCUM posters but I was flabbergasted by the MYOB/“don’t meddle” posts. Thank you, OP and your daughter, for caring about this girl and seeing that she gets the support she needs. Thoughts to everyone involved.

I agree with the posters who say to contact someone. My son was very depressed his first few months. We eventually reached out to the first-year dean, who was extremely helpful.

I do not understand what the heck is wrong with the MYOB posters. Are these the same type of people who would walk past an unconscious victim in the street instead of calling for help? These are the same type of people who ignored Kitty Genovese's cries? Do you want other people to do the same if your kid is sick or in in danger?

Depressed kids commit suicide. It's not morally okay to ignore this. First step would be for OP's kid to tell someone in charge at the college. Thank you for caring about someone else's kid, OP.

Either talk with the RA or reach out to the college's mental health team.

Often the mental health team can be contacted anonymously. In that case, DD should NOT say she is a roommate, but instead say she hasn't been in class for a while and hasn't seen her out and about campus.

Talking with another parent is like playing with nitroglycerine. It might go disastrously or fine, but there is no real way to predict which.

An 18 year old roommate sleeping 18 hours a day is typically a sign of profound depression. Or she is very unwell physically.

I think the best call here is to inform the RA and the parents of this poor student. I get there's probably not much of a connection between these two students. But that at least sends change into motion, even if it's a transfer into another dorm with a more compatible roommate. But more importantly, the depressed student can't hide anymore and can begin to work on things and get care.

Anonymous wrote:At minimum your daughter should tell her RA and says she is concerned about her roommate's mental health. My kid's school has a "Cares" team that students can be referred to if anyone has concerns -- there's an email address you can message to alert them. If there's something like that, you or she could write them.

As the parent of a kid who was depressed I would want to know. I understand feeling it's awkward and not wanting to reach out but this generally doesn't get better on its own.

My kids college has a similar process- and a referral can come from a lot of places - including parent of roommate. Can you see if there is an option of a cares referral and help your child enter a referral