Anonymous wrote:It depends. DH drinks a lot and he was totally against our kids drinking. I know other parents were too.

+1

Modeling for kids that you have it all under control and know just how much to drink before you can hop in your car in drive (said many a drunk driver, btw) is not how I parent.

Is your daily drink that important to you? (The answer is yes.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much judgment here! "Daily" drinkers being equated with "heavy" drinkers and also neglectful parenting. Avoiding alcohol entirely does not make you a better parent. Also this is the second post I've seen recently casting judgment on parents who are "social" and drink. Someone seems a little anxious....

Do you have teenagers? Do you drive them around later at night or wait up for them to be a ride in case they need it even if you weren't planning to drive? How does that work after your daily drink that is not heavy drinking?

DP. Tonight I will drink a glass of wine around 5:30 or 6 probably, eat a full dinner, and then go pick up my kid around 10. It’s not hard.

I don't believe daily drinkers are not at times driving around after having their daily drink. They just think it's fine to drive after a drink or two.

It is[u] safe and legal to drive after a drink or two for most people, even without waiting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much judgment here! "Daily" drinkers being equated with "heavy" drinkers and also neglectful parenting. Avoiding alcohol entirely does not make you a better parent. Also this is the second post I've seen recently casting judgment on parents who are "social" and drink. Someone seems a little anxious....

Do you have teenagers? Do you drive them around later at night or wait up for them to be a ride in case they need it even if you weren't planning to drive? How does that work after your daily drink that is not heavy drinking?

DP. Tonight I will drink a glass of wine around 5:30 or 6 probably, eat a full dinner, and then go pick up my kid around 10. It’s not hard.

I don't believe daily drinkers are not at times driving around after having their daily drink. They just think it's fine to drive after a drink or two.

it is literally and scientifically okay to drive after a drink or two. SMFH

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much judgment here! "Daily" drinkers being equated with "heavy" drinkers and also neglectful parenting. Avoiding alcohol entirely does not make you a better parent. Also this is the second post I've seen recently casting judgment on parents who are "social" and drink. Someone seems a little anxious....

Do you have teenagers? Do you drive them around later at night or wait up for them to be a ride in case they need it even if you weren't planning to drive? How does that work after your daily drink that is not heavy drinking?

DP. Tonight I will drink a glass of wine around 5:30 or 6 probably, eat a full dinner, and then go pick up my kid around 10. It’s not hard.

I don't believe daily drinkers are not at times driving around after having their daily drink. They just think it's fine to drive after a drink or two.

Depending on their weight and other factors, it may very well be fine. It is certainly fine after a few hours.

I don't know how people with multiple children (elementary age+) and responsibilities (some planned and some not) can carve out the hour or two every day to have their daily drink and be sure they won't need to drive. That is certainly not how my life works.

Well, my life with two teens does work like that. One drives themself and the other needs rides at very predictable, scheduled times. When I enjoy a glass of wine, I’m either in for the night or I know I won’t have to go back out for a few hours.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children of alcoholics are psychotic about teen drinking or any drinking for that matter.

There are people who don't drink either culturally or religiously or for health that know it is a normal part of teen behavior but are quite strict but don't freak out and they might counsel or ground but not in a way that is so overt that kids rebel.

There are people who drink regularly (i'm sure this is what you are talking about) but are not alcoholics who know it's part of normal teen behavior and give them tools to be safe like Uber or a place to drink safely and while they don't encourage it, they are not punishing drinking.

Then there are insane parents who drink with teens.

Then there are true alcoholics, and their kids might never touch the stuff due to what they lived with or maybe they drink with their insane parents.

Way to victim blame! Children of alcoholics who want to break the family curse of alcoholism do not drink and they teach their kids the dangers of alcohol use in their family.

Abuse victims need therapy and need to learn how to react normally to situations.

Turning around and using your abuse as an excuse to abuse others is not blaming the victim it's holding them accountable for their own behaviors.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for those who start these threads: is this just an excuse for teetotalers to feel smug and sanctimonious? Agree or disagree?

They are children of alcoholics and they have an unhealthy relationship with any alcohol at all and thing 1 drop of alcohol could be catastrophic so why take a chance.

Why should one have a relationship with alcohol? That was a weird thing to write, pp.

Is English your 2nd language.

Anonymous wrote:So just so everyone is clear:

Recent studies have shown that there is no amount of alcohol that is safe, in terms of risks of heart disease, dementia and cancer later on in life.

I have no problems with social drinking in moderation, and giving sips to kids so they can taste alcohol, but please don't lie to yourself or anyone else that this is part of a "healthy lifestyle". It's just not. However, what I do acknowledge is the cultural and historical weight of alcohol in practically all ethnicities around the world. Alcohol production in human civilization predates the first days of agriculture! We have a long weaning period ahead of us.

So we just need to be honest with ourselves: previous generations had to deal with a lot more risks to life and limb than what regular drinking could lead to. Nowadays, we have the knowledge and means to avoid a lot of toxins. We should avoid them. But alcohol is culturally difficult to get rid of in most societies.

While I respect this fairly nuanced take, I do take issue with the bolded. This is not accurate. It would be accurate to say that even small amounts of alcohol have shown to slightly increase the risk of heart disease, dementia, and cancer. That does NOT mean that it's not part of a healthy lifestyle. I would even argue that it's not unsafe.

We all do things that involve risk, every day. Sitting has negative health impacts. Eating processed meats, or any processed foods, has negative health impacts. Too much sunshine can have health impacts, as can too little. Driving has a ton of risk. Not getting adequate sleep - negative health impacts.

But no one is going through life without having a day full of sitting. Most people eat an occasional processed treat (like Halloween candy!) A hot dog a ball game. Staying up late for special social events. Spending time at the beach with your family. Driving to a friend's house, or to a job that pays you well. These are all things healthy people do sometimes. Because we can't all just sit in a box doing the 100% perfectly healthy and safe things all the time, never taking any even small risks, and if we did, we'd be wildly depressed and anxious which has a whole other set of risks! That's not how life works. Everyone, all the time, is evaluating the risk vs reward of different activities, and a healthy lifestyle is one that's balanced. I would never say "staying up late is unsafe" or "eating a hot dog is unsafe" - that's way too strong of a word. The same with a moderate or small amount of alcohol.

Now, your risk/reward matrix may be different. Maybe you don't particularly like alcohol or find it adds much. Maybe you have a family history of cancer or alcoholism. Maybe any increased risk of dementia isn't worth it to you. Makes perfect sense to me. But to claim that small amounts of alcohol cannot be a part of a healthy lifestyle is an overreaction given the magnitude of effects found in current research.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much judgment here! "Daily" drinkers being equated with "heavy" drinkers and also neglectful parenting. Avoiding alcohol entirely does not make you a better parent. Also this is the second post I've seen recently casting judgment on parents who are "social" and drink. Someone seems a little anxious....

Do you have teenagers? Do you drive them around later at night or wait up for them to be a ride in case they need it even if you weren't planning to drive? How does that work after your daily drink that is not heavy drinking?

DP. Tonight I will drink a glass of wine around 5:30 or 6 probably, eat a full dinner, and then go pick up my kid around 10. It’s not hard.

I don't believe daily drinkers are not at times driving around after having their daily drink. They just think it's fine to drive after a drink or two.

Depending on their weight and other factors, it may very well be fine. It is certainly fine after a few hours.

I don't know how people with multiple children (elementary age+) and responsibilities (some planned and some not) can carve out the hour or two every day to have their daily drink and be sure they won't need to drive. That is certainly not how my life works.

Anonymous wrote:Children of alcoholics are psychotic about teen drinking or any drinking for that matter.

There are people who don't drink either culturally or religiously or for health that know it is a normal part of teen behavior but are quite strict but don't freak out and they might counsel or ground but not in a way that is so overt that kids rebel.

There are people who drink regularly (i'm sure this is what you are talking about) but are not alcoholics who know it's part of normal teen behavior and give them tools to be safe like Uber or a place to drink safely and while they don't encourage it, they are not punishing drinking.

Then there are insane parents who drink with teens.

Then there are true alcoholics, and their kids might never touch the stuff due to what they lived with or maybe they drink with their insane parents.

I am pretty much in this camp, but also a child of alcoholics (same PP discussing role modeling). I tell my kids I am no ok with you drinking, it's illegal, unhealthy, you are high risk for addiction, etc. BUT if you do... safety first.

The people with little kids speculating how they will handle their teens drinking should wait and see what their kids are like. Some kids are much more driven to experiment than others.

My other observation is that by the time they are early teens, they 100 percent clock all the adults around them and who is drunk and how they are behaving with amazing clarity. They are watching and seeing everything. Also, the people who are functional drunks who think they don't seem drunk, they see you too. I have heard my own teens talk about this and their friends and teen family friends.

As with all things, I think teens listen to what you say but what is most impactful is they see what you do and follow that example.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much judgment here! "Daily" drinkers being equated with "heavy" drinkers and also neglectful parenting. Avoiding alcohol entirely does not make you a better parent. Also this is the second post I've seen recently casting judgment on parents who are "social" and drink. Someone seems a little anxious....

Do you have teenagers? Do you drive them around later at night or wait up for them to be a ride in case they need it even if you weren't planning to drive? How does that work after your daily drink that is not heavy drinking?

DP. Tonight I will drink a glass of wine around 5:30 or 6 probably, eat a full dinner, and then go pick up my kid around 10. It’s not hard.

I don't believe daily drinkers are not at times driving around after having their daily drink. They just think it's fine to drive after a drink or two.

Depending on their weight and other factors, it may very well be fine. It is certainly fine after a few hours.

It depends. DH drinks a lot and he was totally against our kids drinking. I know other parents were too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children of alcoholics are psychotic about teen drinking or any drinking for that matter.

There are people who don't drink either culturally or religiously or for health that know it is a normal part of teen behavior but are quite strict but don't freak out and they might counsel or ground but not in a way that is so overt that kids rebel.

There are people who drink regularly (i'm sure this is what you are talking about) but are not alcoholics who know it's part of normal teen behavior and give them tools to be safe like Uber or a place to drink safely and while they don't encourage it, they are not punishing drinking.

Then there are insane parents who drink with teens.

Then there are true alcoholics, and their kids might never touch the stuff due to what they lived with or maybe they drink with their insane parents.

Way to victim blame! Children of alcoholics who want to break the family curse of alcoholism do not drink and they teach their kids the dangers of alcohol use in their family.

I agree with you and found PPs language really judgmental and offensive. However, my mom is a child of alcoholics and I do agree with the PP that when people respond to that experience by being extremely restrictive and intense about alcohol, it's not a great situation. My mom should have gone to therapy and worked through her childhood experiences. Instead, she worked out her issues with her parents on her kids. She was insanely suspicious of everything we did, would accuse us of drinking and lying to her even when we weren't, would give these long lectures about how "our family has issues with alcohol" and that we were genetically predisposed to be alcoholics, etc. I know my mom had a really rough childhood and I try to have empathy for that, but her behavior was also abusive and dysfunctional even though she wasn't a drinker.

I actually was not that interested in drinking as a teenager but decided to start drinking at parties when I was a senior in HS because my mom had accused me of drinking so many times by then that I figured I might as well.

Please don't be that parent. It's really not productive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much judgment here! "Daily" drinkers being equated with "heavy" drinkers and also neglectful parenting. Avoiding alcohol entirely does not make you a better parent. Also this is the second post I've seen recently casting judgment on parents who are "social" and drink. Someone seems a little anxious....

Do you have teenagers? Do you drive them around later at night or wait up for them to be a ride in case they need it even if you weren't planning to drive? How does that work after your daily drink that is not heavy drinking?

DP. Tonight I will drink a glass of wine around 5:30 or 6 probably, eat a full dinner, and then go pick up my kid around 10. It’s not hard.

I don't believe daily drinkers are not at times driving around after having their daily drink. They just think it's fine to drive after a drink or two.