Depends on your circle. In mine, 4 IS a large family.

I know a handful of families with 4-5 kids, all involve multiples and sometimes surprise pregnancies except the Catholic families. I'm regular EOTP DC middle class and 3 kids is not uncommon, though 2 is the norm. The families with 3 that still try to parent like they have 2 seem very stressed. The ones that level up to big family parenting seem much better able to handle daily life. Nobody with 3+ at my HHI level has their kids in as many activities as those with 1-2, but higher income families I know that pay for a nanny to share in the driving do. Not a judgment, just an observation.

4 is unquestionably a large family.

Anonymous wrote:If you aren’t observant Catholic or Mormon, anything over 3 is an outlier. Even 3 usually means lapsed Catholic.

I've never been clocked harder in my life

I'm from a Mexican family

No clue where you are hearing this

4 kids is absolutely a big family

Anonymous wrote:Curious about this viewpoint for families you meet with 4 and with 5. Pregnant with number 4 now fwiw. I’ve heard this many times over the years.

Is four just more common? I haven’t looked at the numbers.

Four IS a large family. I dispute your premise.

We have 5, age 3-13. We just moved from New England to the Midwest for COL. Four are in Catholic schools. I stay home. HHI is $160K. We had parent help with kids 1-4 but none since our fifth. We have a Honda Odyssey. We do a lot of laundry. Lots of systems. My house is cleaner now than it was with 3. For vacations we split the kids up. My husband just took the 3 older ones out West for a beach vacation with relatives. My grandmother had 12. Yes I am Catholic. I homeschooled one for 6 months and try to be faithful but am not trad or pious at all. Activities: hockey for one, musical instrument/band for another. Most families who want big families (on kid 3 say) will say oh you make it look fun! We want more! And I am sure 2 kid families shudder. You definitely lower standards for certain stuff (we do not do coordinating outfits photo shoots) but it’s also given me tremendous grace for others bc my 5 are so different. I can’t cluck my tongue in judgment when each of my kids has had a different path.

Anonymous wrote:Lol anything over 2 is "large." Maybe in Provo, but nobody in the DMV thinks you have a "normal" sized family.

I think so too. My coworker just had her third and when she told people she was pregnant, everyone was amazed. The only people I know with more than two kids are really rich or really poor.

Anonymous wrote:Curious about this viewpoint for families you meet with 4 and with 5. Pregnant with number 4 now fwiw. I’ve heard this many times over the years.

Is four just more common? I haven’t looked at the numbers.

I’m one of six. I married (and later divorced) a man who was one of 4. I’m married to a man who is one of eight. One of my grandmothers was one of 12.
I didn’t think 5 was large until I read The Fifth Child.

3 is entry level large family.

4 is the largest family that is still acceptable (borderline) in the mainstream

5 is objectively large

Anonymous wrote:As a mom of four myself, I get what you mean. I know several other families with four kids who are similar to my family - church-going, but not zealots, sending kids to public or parochial school. I even know a non-religious family with four in my youngest child's preschool class (in that case, #3 and #4 are twins). However, I only know one family with five kids (or more) who do not homeschool. Four definitely feels manageable to us, where five would tip into crazy chaos territory!

I know a few liberal, secular families with 4 and they've all involved multiples.

Single and then triplets
Two sets of twins
Two singles and twins

Anonymous wrote:If you aren’t observant Catholic or Mormon, anything over 3 is an outlier. Even 3 usually means lapsed Catholic.

As a lapsed Catholic who told my husband I'd be fine to compromise at 2 but still be happy if the second was twins, this made me laugh.

4 is a purposeful choice. It signals that you wanted a large family and maybe that is your top priority in life.

We are Catholic and know a lot of 3 or 4 kid families. 5+ is rare even in the church.

Anonymous wrote:4 IS a large family. AI says that only 7% of US adults have 4 or more children, a number that stands out even more when you realize that many of those adults are likely in the same families. I’ve always viewed 4 kids as “large” because that’s the point where the whole family can no longer fit in a car together. I guess there’s another “very large” category that’s reached when the whole family can’t fit in a mini-van or SUV together.

Car seat laws moved that down to 3 kids limit.

Too much wine tonight, OP