Anonymous
10/28/2025 11:25
Subject: Re:Late developer boy can't keep up
Not a swimming mom but my son did not start puberty until sophomore year. It was extremely difficult.
After always being on the best teams and the top player or close to the top when he got to a higher level play it was beyond difficult emotionally.
We just encouraged him to keep practicing and trying.
In 8th grade after being always on the best team and when younger asked to play with older kid he was relegated to a B team.
We just kept saying life if not a straight line, there are always set backs, if you care keep going if you don't then just play for fun but his goal was to play D1 so he just kept playing and playing and playing... for whatever team would take his skinny ars.
Did not get committed, but was offered a preferred walk on and eventually earned a scholarship after arriving at college and was all american.
The lessons are in the failures and I don't say that lightly, we had way more set backs than we had successes ... it was a struggle.
I think being sad and disappointed and working through that was the best gift. There are set backs and you live through them. It builds a muscle.
After always being on the best teams and the top player or close to the top when he got to a higher level play it was beyond difficult emotionally.
We just encouraged him to keep practicing and trying.
In 8th grade after being always on the best team and when younger asked to play with older kid he was relegated to a B team.
We just kept saying life if not a straight line, there are always set backs, if you care keep going if you don't then just play for fun but his goal was to play D1 so he just kept playing and playing and playing... for whatever team would take his skinny ars.
Did not get committed, but was offered a preferred walk on and eventually earned a scholarship after arriving at college and was all american.
The lessons are in the failures and I don't say that lightly, we had way more set backs than we had successes ... it was a struggle.
I think being sad and disappointed and working through that was the best gift. There are set backs and you live through them. It builds a muscle.
Anonymous
10/28/2025 11:25
Subject: Late developer boy can't keep up
Focus on HS swimming success for a couple of years. He is just going to have to make it through puberty. The reality is he may have already peaked. You just don't know. Getting through this is part of the mental toughness he'll need to compete at higher levels (if that is even a goal).
Does he work with a physical trainer? That is something he can "do" and feel proactive about.
Does he work with a physical trainer? That is something he can "do" and feel proactive about.
Anonymous
10/28/2025 11:16
Subject: Late developer boy can't keep up
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Just let him swim for fun and stop pushign competative.
That’s a very simplistic and dismissive response. Some of these kids care very much about their sport and by 13, it can be a major part of their life, social circle, and identity. And timing of physical development is something that can’t be controlled. Dismissing a child’s concerns and feelings is helpful to no one.
Different poster, but I'm not sure why you're taking umbrage. Having the kid keep practicing but not sign up for meets is good advice.
+1
I’m American and I hate the part of our culture where everything has to be a competition. We’re turning more like Russia and China everyday.
My kids are awesome swimmers. Neither swam in a competition until age 10. They were on swim team for the training but we never took them to meets - mainly because they suck your weekends away and we travel a ton. Now they are teens and they seem to have come out of the blue on the scene.
There’s a big difference between not competing at meets until age 10 and deciding to take yourself out of competition at age 13.5. That’s an apples and oranges comparison.
+1 also, even if you push through and have that growth spurt you still may find that others out-compete you. There's no certainty. That's why there's no easy answer on finding intrinsic motivation.
Not really apples to oranges. Michael Jordan was a late bloomer. We was cut from freshman basketball, barely made it as a sophomore, then was a college recruit. You cannot predict these kids future when they are 13- that’s just dumb. The important thing is to keep them training, which doesn’t have to include competition.
I love when people pull examples out of their ass that are applicable to maybe .01% of the population and then on top of that are not applicable to situation being discussed either. Jordan played on the freshman team his freshman year of HS. Jordan did not make the varsity as a sophomore but tore it up on the JV level even though he was undersized. He hit a growth spurt between sophomore and junior year that made a huge difference. He didn’t however take his ball and go home and choose not to compete. There is value to grit and determination and pushing onward even when you are not placing as high as you would like.
screwed up post, sorry.
+1 also, even if you push through and have that growth spurt you still may find that others out-compete you. There's no certainty. That's why there's no easy answer on finding intrinsic motivation.
Anonymous
10/28/2025 11:15
Subject: Late developer boy can't keep up
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Just let him swim for fun and stop pushign competative.
That’s a very simplistic and dismissive response. Some of these kids care very much about their sport and by 13, it can be a major part of their life, social circle, and identity. And timing of physical development is something that can’t be controlled. Dismissing a child’s concerns and feelings is helpful to no one.
Different poster, but I'm not sure why you're taking umbrage. Having the kid keep practicing but not sign up for meets is good advice.
+1
I’m American and I hate the part of our culture where everything has to be a competition. We’re turning more like Russia and China everyday.
My kids are awesome swimmers. Neither swam in a competition until age 10. They were on swim team for the training but we never took them to meets - mainly because they suck your weekends away and we travel a ton. Now they are teens and they seem to have come out of the blue on the scene.
There’s a big difference between not competing at meets until age 10 and deciding to take yourself out of competition at age 13.5. That’s an apples and oranges comparison.
+1 also, even if you push through and have that growth spurt you still may find that others out-compete you. There's no certainty. That's why there's no easy answer on finding intrinsic motivation.
Not really apples to oranges. Michael Jordan was a late bloomer. We was cut from freshman basketball, barely made it as a sophomore, then was a college recruit. You cannot predict these kids future when they are 13- that’s just dumb. The important thing is to keep them training, which doesn’t have to include competition.
I love when people pull examples out of their ass that are applicable to maybe .01% of the population and then on top of that are not applicable to situation being discussed either. Jordan played on the freshman team his freshman year of HS. Jordan did not make the varsity as a sophomore but tore it up on the JV level even though he was undersized. He hit a growth spurt between sophomore and junior year that made a huge difference. He didn’t however take his ball and go home and choose not to compete. There is value to grit and determination and pushing onward even when you are not placing as high as you would like.
Anonymous
10/28/2025 10:57
Subject: Late developer boy can't keep up
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Just let him swim for fun and stop pushign competative.
That’s a very simplistic and dismissive response. Some of these kids care very much about their sport and by 13, it can be a major part of their life, social circle, and identity. And timing of physical development is something that can’t be controlled. Dismissing a child’s concerns and feelings is helpful to no one.
Different poster, but I'm not sure why you're taking umbrage. Having the kid keep practicing but not sign up for meets is good advice.
+1
I’m American and I hate the part of our culture where everything has to be a competition. We’re turning more like Russia and China everyday.
My kids are awesome swimmers. Neither swam in a competition until age 10. They were on swim team for the training but we never took them to meets - mainly because they suck your weekends away and we travel a ton. Now they are teens and they seem to have come out of the blue on the scene.
There’s a big difference between not competing at meets until age 10 and deciding to take yourself out of competition at age 13.5. That’s an apples and oranges comparison.
Not really apples to oranges. Michael Jordan was a late bloomer. We was cut from freshman basketball, barely made it as a sophomore, then was a college recruit. You cannot predict these kids future when they are 13- that’s just dumb. The important thing is to keep them training, which doesn’t have to include competition.
I love when people pull examples out of their ass that are applicable to maybe .01% of the population and then on top of that are not applicable to situation being discussed either. Jordan played on the freshman team his freshman year of HS. Jordan did not make the varsity as a sophomore but tore it up on the JV level even though he was undersized. He hit a growth spurt between sophomore and junior year that made a huge difference. He didn’t however take his ball and go home and choose not to compete. There is value to grit and determination and pushing onward even when you are not placing as high as you would like.
Anonymous
10/28/2025 10:49
Subject: Late developer boy can't keep up
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Just let him swim for fun and stop pushign competative.
That’s a very simplistic and dismissive response. Some of these kids care very much about their sport and by 13, it can be a major part of their life, social circle, and identity. And timing of physical development is something that can’t be controlled. Dismissing a child’s concerns and feelings is helpful to no one.
Different poster, but I'm not sure why you're taking umbrage. Having the kid keep practicing but not sign up for meets is good advice.
+1
I’m American and I hate the part of our culture where everything has to be a competition. We’re turning more like Russia and China everyday.
My kids are awesome swimmers. Neither swam in a competition until age 10. They were on swim team for the training but we never took them to meets - mainly because they suck your weekends away and we travel a ton. Now they are teens and they seem to have come out of the blue on the scene.
There’s a big difference between not competing at meets until age 10 and deciding to take yourself out of competition at age 13.5. That’s an apples and oranges comparison.
Not really apples to oranges. Michael Jordan was a late bloomer. We was cut from freshman basketball, barely made it as a sophomore, then was a college recruit. You cannot predict these kids future when they are 13- that’s just dumb. The important thing is to keep them training, which doesn’t have to include competition.
Anonymous
10/28/2025 10:46
Subject: Late developer boy can't keep up
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:DS 13.5 is really struggling mentally with swimming. He is late to puberty and still looks and sounds like a young boy, while all the swimmers in his practice group are growing tall, strong, and hairy, and blowing him away in the pool?
13.5 yr old boys are tall, strong, and hairy? Really?
Have you got an endocrine/hormone check for your son?
Yes! Have you ever looked around at a swim meet? The ones making finals are early developers and yes, they are tall, strong, and hairy by 13.5-14. It’s not unusual not to have really hit puberty at this age for boys, but when it comes to swimming, the ones who have not are not competitive with the ones who have.
When it comes to almost every sport I can think of, early development is a plus. The late developers are at a huge disadvantage and might get so frustrated they just quit. I have a late developer who plays a different sport and some of the kids looked like men at 13.
Anonymous
10/28/2025 10:43
Subject: Late developer boy can't keep up
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:DS 13.5 is really struggling mentally with swimming. He is late to puberty and still looks and sounds like a young boy, while all the swimmers in his practice group are growing tall, strong, and hairy, and blowing him away in the pool?
13.5 yr old boys are tall, strong, and hairy? Really?
Have you got an endocrine/hormone check for your son?
Yes! Have you ever looked around at a swim meet? The ones making finals are early developers and yes, they are tall, strong, and hairy by 13.5-14. It’s not unusual not to have really hit puberty at this age for boys, but when it comes to swimming, the ones who have not are not competitive with the ones who have.
Anonymous
10/28/2025 10:42
Subject: Late developer boy can't keep up
Anonymous wrote:Many boys are slow before, during, and after puberty. Be reasonable with what your DC can and is incapable of doing, then adjust. Don’t be the parent trying to make your DC into something that they are not. They will thank you later.
NP. OP’s son has A+ times. He’s not slow by any measure. OP just needs to keep him engaged until he hits his puberty and she’s asking other parents for advice. She’s not knocking other boys down.
Anonymous
10/28/2025 10:41
Subject: Late developer boy can't keep up
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:DS 13.5 is really struggling mentally with swimming. He is late to puberty and still looks and sounds like a young boy, while all the swimmers in his practice group are growing tall, strong, and hairy, and blowing him away in the pool?
13.5 yr old boys are tall, strong, and hairy? Really?
Have you got an endocrine/hormone check for your son?
DP
Yes, I totally agree with OP. At the last track meet I went to for MS I remember thinking that it’s really not a fair competition at this age when I was looking at the boys. I have a daughter and she’s tall and lean but hit puberty late. For her in her sport it didn’t seem to matter as much as I noticed for the boys of the same age. And some were like men already - they will grow into total ogres
Anonymous
10/28/2025 10:37
Subject: Late developer boy can't keep up
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Just let him swim for fun and stop pushign competative.
That’s a very simplistic and dismissive response. Some of these kids care very much about their sport and by 13, it can be a major part of their life, social circle, and identity. And timing of physical development is something that can’t be controlled. Dismissing a child’s concerns and feelings is helpful to no one.
Different poster, but I'm not sure why you're taking umbrage. Having the kid keep practicing but not sign up for meets is good advice.
+1
I’m American and I hate the part of our culture where everything has to be a competition. We’re turning more like Russia and China everyday.
My kids are awesome swimmers. Neither swam in a competition until age 10. They were on swim team for the training but we never took them to meets - mainly because they suck your weekends away and we travel a ton. Now they are teens and they seem to have come out of the blue on the scene.
There’s a big difference between not competing at meets until age 10 and deciding to take yourself out of competition at age 13.5. That’s an apples and oranges comparison.
Anonymous
10/28/2025 10:33
Subject: Late developer boy can't keep up
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Just let him swim for fun and stop pushign competative.
That’s a very simplistic and dismissive response. Some of these kids care very much about their sport and by 13, it can be a major part of their life, social circle, and identity. And timing of physical development is something that can’t be controlled. Dismissing a child’s concerns and feelings is helpful to no one.
Different poster, but I'm not sure why you're taking umbrage. Having the kid keep practicing but not sign up for meets is good advice.
+1
I’m American and I hate the part of our culture where everything has to be a competition. We’re turning more like Russia and China everyday.
My kids are awesome swimmers. Neither swam in a competition until age 10. They were on swim team for the training but we never took them to meets - mainly because they suck your weekends away and we travel a ton. Now they are teens and they seem to have come out of the blue on the scene.
Anonymous
10/28/2025 10:28
Subject: Late developer boy can't keep up
Anonymous wrote:DS 13.5 is really struggling mentally with swimming. He is late to puberty and still looks and sounds like a young boy, while all the swimmers in his practice group are growing tall, strong, and hairy, and blowing him away in the pool?
13.5 yr old boys are tall, strong, and hairy? Really?
Have you got an endocrine/hormone check for your son?
Anonymous
10/28/2025 10:26
Subject: Late developer boy can't keep up
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How tall do you expect him to get?
Doctor’s calculator estimated 6’0-6’2 final height. Right now he is only about 5’4.5 and very thin and boyish (no apparent physical changes though I know the first signs aren’t necessarily outwardly visible). He’s about 100 pounds.
So he sounds like my swimmer. Dad is 6'4" and I am 5'8" - so generally you average parents height for a wild guess on height and then plus or minus 2 inches in either direction. Likely my son will be 6iish
.
You don't average parents' height to predict kid's final height. You average parents percentile within sex category and then apply that percentile to the kid's category.
Very tall man plus tall woman makes a slightly less very tall boy, probably near 6'2"
Anonymous
10/28/2025 10:25
Subject: Late developer boy can't keep up
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Just let him swim for fun and stop pushign competative.
That’s a very simplistic and dismissive response. Some of these kids care very much about their sport and by 13, it can be a major part of their life, social circle, and identity. And timing of physical development is something that can’t be controlled. Dismissing a child’s concerns and feelings is helpful to no one.
OK, so let him be a loser who is ashamed of his body and no grit or character for working with a handicap.
What?!?