Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s probably me.
My kids are adults and I simply have time & energy to keep myself together.

I go to the gym, eat balanced meals, pay attention to trends and avoid stressors.

This! At my work it’s the 50 year olds that have kids in college or who don’t have kids who look great. The 50 year olds with kids in middle and high school (me) look either like we are not trying at all or are trying too hard.

Anonymous wrote:This is kinda me, based on comments I get.

Buy higher quality pieces. I am not rich, so I am not talking about designer clothes. I shop at Loft, Banana Republic outlet, Athleta, some sections of Nordstroms, J Crew. Avoid cheap trendy clothes such as Target and Amazon.

Don’t concern yourself with trends. I see so many middle-aged women trying to dress like HS and college girls. You have graduated from that and can just wear what looks and feels good!

Best advice I ever heard - try to add a somewhat unexpected element every day, such as colors or patterns that wouldn’t typically go together. Doesn’t need to be anything crazy. Just try not to choose the most obvious or safest match from your closet.

Anonymous wrote:Love that so many here think they are the cool lady.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
A word about "normal" clothes: sometimes it takes a great eye for color, texture and proportions, to put together a casual outfit!

I dress much better now in my 40s than I did in previous decades, because I have finally understood what works with my figure. Took me a while... I agree with PP that it's about finding cuts of clothes that hit just right for where your curves hit, ie visual transition points. And then going with a color palette that pleases the eye.

Visual transition points make so much sense. Thanks to PPs for articulating this. And this is where I now realize I struggle. I have an extremely short torso for my 5’ 10” height. The natural waist/ curve on tops/ dresses/blazers all hit where my hips start to widen, not at my actual waist. And I look bigger than my size 4/ 130lb suggests. If I try to tailor to where my waist is, my legs look disproportionately and unnaturally long. Open to suggestions on how to dress for my body type

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have worked with women like this and one of the things I've noticed is that they tend to have distinctive and consistent personal style. Like there was a partner at my old law firm who wore her hair in in shoulder-length blunt cut with a center part, and always wore glasses with a dark red or maroon frame (she had a few different pairs, but they were always those colors -- very dark so it almost read as brown but enough color to be distinctive). The rest of her clothes were always high quality neutrals, usually in black, navy, or dark brown. She always had really high quality shoes, I coveted her shoe collection. But her clothes were never recognizable labels or even really distinctive pieces, just clearly high quality suiting separates, ribbed tees, cashmere sweaters, etc. She had one big diamond ring and the rest of her jewelry was subtle, and her makeup was tasteful and understated.

The effect was that you could spot her a mile away, she always looked pretty much the same, but very pulled together and professional. The haircut and glasses combo was kind of iconic, like if she wrote for the New Yorker, you know exactly what her little sketch portrait on her byline would look like.

And I think that was the key. She wasn't all over the place trying to follow trends. She'd found a couple things that worked for her and committed to them, and did the highest end, most polished version of them. She never experimented in the time I knew her, as far as I know she'd been dressing that way since law school.

I think it takes confidence and really knowing yourself to make that work, but it's very impactful.

Are you just describing yourself?

PP here and no, why would you think that? I specifically remember this woman because she was so much more disciplined in her look than I have ever been. I'm the sort of person who gets a dramatic hair cut once every three years out of boredom, and I don't have the patience to hunt for high quality neutrals and wear similar things each day. But when OP said "older cool girl women at work" I immediately thought of this former colleague and I know why she had that vibe even though I've never been able to accomplish it (and maybe am just not able to do it because of my personality).

Anonymous wrote:Agree with everyone that it’s an art in some ways - knowing your colors, knowing how to flatter your body type and match textures and patterns. Not chasing trends but knowing how to blend them in with your personal style.

But it’s also a lot of self care. Drinking tons of water, eating very well (but not depriving yourself), managing alcohol intake, knowing when to consult the experts - hair stylist, personal stylist, trainer, skincare, dental/ortho.

Anonymous wrote:Love that so many here think they are the cool lady.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have worked with women like this and one of the things I've noticed is that they tend to have distinctive and consistent personal style. Like there was a partner at my old law firm who wore her hair in in shoulder-length blunt cut with a center part, and always wore glasses with a dark red or maroon frame (she had a few different pairs, but they were always those colors -- very dark so it almost read as brown but enough color to be distinctive). The rest of her clothes were always high quality neutrals, usually in black, navy, or dark brown. She always had really high quality shoes, I coveted her shoe collection. But her clothes were never recognizable labels or even really distinctive pieces, just clearly high quality suiting separates, ribbed tees, cashmere sweaters, etc. She had one big diamond ring and the rest of her jewelry was subtle, and her makeup was tasteful and understated.

The effect was that you could spot her a mile away, she always looked pretty much the same, but very pulled together and professional. The haircut and glasses combo was kind of iconic, like if she wrote for the New Yorker, you know exactly what her little sketch portrait on her byline would look like.

And I think that was the key. She wasn't all over the place trying to follow trends. She'd found a couple things that worked for her and committed to them, and did the highest end, most polished version of them. She never experimented in the time I knew her, as far as I know she'd been dressing that way since law school.

I think it takes confidence and really knowing yourself to make that work, but it's very impactful.

Are you just describing yourself?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
A word about "normal" clothes: sometimes it takes a great eye for color, texture and proportions, to put together a casual outfit!

I dress much better now in my 40s than I did in previous decades, because I have finally understood what works with my figure. Took me a while... I agree with PP that it's about finding cuts of clothes that hit just right for where your curves hit, ie visual transition points. And then going with a color palette that pleases the eye.

Visual transition points make so much sense. Thanks to PPs for articulating this. And this is where I now realize I struggle. I have an extremely short torso for my 5’ 10” height. The natural waist/ curve on tops/ dresses/blazers all hit where my hips start to widen, not at my actual waist. And I look bigger than my size 4/ 130lb suggests. If I try to tailor to where my waist is, my legs look disproportionately and unnaturally long. Open to suggestions on how to dress for my body type

Anonymous wrote:That’s probably me.
My kids are adults and I simply have time & energy to keep myself together.

I go to the gym, eat balanced meals, pay attention to trends and avoid stressors.