Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad was 51 when I was born as the youngest of three. I was always worried about his health and felt older than my age. He was often mistaken for my grandfather. And he died when I was 19 and in college.

My mom was also older than average but there was a big gap in age with my dad. She passed away when I was in my late 40s but was declining mentally before then. I felt sad that my kids didn’t have much of a relationship with a grandparent on my side.

I do not recommend having a child when you are in your 40s or later.

YOu have no idea if your parents would have been good grandparents. For all you know, if their health had been better they would have been off traveling. Or they may have moved away. There's no way to say. I thought my parents would have been more involved but they were done with kids by the time I had mine.

My in laws had kids at 20 and are f’in useless grandparents who need us to go support them because they never received proper education or income and they will live a long long time needing this. That is the true cautionary tale here. Don’t have kids too young and expect them to take care of you.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have personal experience but I am on a caregivers’ forum and the threads from younger kids of elderly parents regularly pop up and it’s heartbreaking when you are 20 and have to care for a 70 yo senior with cognitive decline and physical health issues.

I mean, being 70 and having cognitive decline isn’t the norm.

Numerous studies have shown that women that have kids older live longer and healthier.

Anonymous wrote:Mother was 37, dad 39. Both worked full time. They had less physical energy to do things like play ball outside, run after me to help me learn to ride a bike, etc.

At 37?! Like. What? That’s insane.

Anonymous wrote:I had my youngest when I was 38/nearly 39, and in hindsight that was older than preferred. I had much more energy when I had my other children (had my first at 28).

I envy friends who had their kids earlier.

I hope I live long enough to see my kids fully launched, married, and having kids.

I’m so confused by these posts. I had my third at 42. More energy now than I had when I had my older kids at 34. Maybe see a doctor.

Mother was 37, dad 39. Both worked full time. They had less physical energy to do things like play ball outside, run after me to help me learn to ride a bike, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing is guaranteed. I lost my mother when I was 6. She was 28 when I was born and that was only after cancer treatment. The cancer wasn't supposed to come back but it did and she died at 34.

There are no guarantees in life.

That’s like saying you might die in a car accident even if you’re wearing a seatbelt, so what difference does it make if you decide not to wear one?

No it's not! pp is giving an example of a young mother who died young. She was 6 when her mom died. The story shows that age is no guarantee. Here is another example: my friend and I are the same age. My mom was 27 when I was born, her mom was 54 when she adopted my friend. Our moms died the same year. We had the same amount of time with our moms. We were 38 when they died, my mom was 65, her mom was 92.

NP. Apparently you don’t like math or facts or statistics. If you have a baby when you are older, you are more likely to die when they are younger, your anecdotal stories aside.

If you don’t wear a seatbelt and are involved in a dangerous crash, you are more likely to be seriously harmed or die.

Jeesh, people on here are so dim

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing is guaranteed. I lost my mother when I was 6. She was 28 when I was born and that was only after cancer treatment. The cancer wasn't supposed to come back but it did and she died at 34.

There are no guarantees in life.

That’s like saying you might die in a car accident even if you’re wearing a seatbelt, so what difference does it make if you decide not to wear one?

No it's not! pp is giving an example of a young mother who died young. She was 6 when her mom died. The story shows that age is no guarantee. Here is another example: my friend and I are the same age. My mom was 27 when I was born, her mom was 54 when she adopted my friend. Our moms died the same year. We had the same amount of time with our moms. We were 38 when they died, my mom was 65, her mom was 92.

I have two much younger siblings, born when my mom and dad were 43/49 and 47/53. My younger brothers are 32 & 29 now, and my parents are still pretty healthy and going strong.

My grandmother was 47 when she had my father (he was an only child - she and my grandfather thought they couldn’t have children).

She died at age 90, and my brother, sister and I knew her well because we lived near her and spent a lot of time at her house.

She always seemed a lot older than my other grandmother, but she was grandmotherly so I didn’t think much of it . Also my father/parents spent a lot of time helping her and caring for her because she was widowed when my father was in college, and that related in part to her older age but probably more because my father didn’t have siblings.

I don’t have personal experience but I am on a caregivers’ forum and the threads from younger kids of elderly parents regularly pop up and it’s heartbreaking when you are 20 and have to care for a 70 yo senior with cognitive decline and physical health issues.

My husband’s mother was over 40 when she had him and his sibling - she got a Phd and was a tenured professor and I think focused on those before marrying and having children. He said he never gave any thought to her age. He is now late 50s and his mother is still alive, lives independently and is very active, so her age had no affect on his life.

My mom was 40 when I was born, 44, when sister was born. My dad was 7 years younger than she was. He died at 74 , but she lived to 92 and got to see her grandkids grow up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had my youngest when I was 38/nearly 39, and in hindsight that was older than preferred. I had much more energy when I had my other children (had my first at 28).

I envy friends who had their kids earlier.

I hope I live long enough to see my kids fully launched, married, and having kids.

Damn. What kind of lifestyle are you leaving that you are worried you won't be around and able to observe your child's life in your 60s and 70s when presumably your child will have their own kids, if a woman. I suppose a son can wait longer.

I think if people feel this low energy and pessimistic and certain of an earlier than average death, genuinely it's time to examine your lifestyle. No we cannot control everything and you could drop dead at 75 after a healthy life. But you can do things that improve your odds.

If someone has a child at 39, and that child is 39, then they will be 78 when the baby is first born. Actually seeing that grandchild grow up puts someone well into their 80s. It's not unreasonable to be worried about making it to your 80s - cancer, heart attacks, accidents, any number of things happen to otherwise healthy people by that point.

This.

Plus: anyone else think it’s delusional to assume you will live into your 80s/90s these days given the decreasing life expectancy? I mean, our food, water, and overall environment are filled with carcinogens that our parents and grandparents never had to deal with.

Anonymous wrote:Nothing is guaranteed. I lost my mother when I was 6. She was 28 when I was born and that was only after cancer treatment. The cancer wasn't supposed to come back but it did and she died at 34.

There are no guarantees in life.

+1
I had a classmate in 5th grade whose 28-year old mother died of ovarian cancer. She had had her kids at 18 and 20.