I was with a guy like this. He was up all night and slept until afternoon when not working. It was awful. I would put in a full day working and taking care of kids before he even woke up for his “day”.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My night owl ex stayed up and watched porn instead of coming to bed around 9:30/10pm.

930/10 is way too early. That’s a tween’s bedtime. Not a grown adult.

Him having to get his needs met by porn is a separate issue.

Fascinating!

What time do you eat dinner? What time do you get up in the morning?

It might vary greatly by geography or career, but many school/work schedules require parents to be up by 5:30/6am (earlier if they want to exercise). If you want 8 hours of sleep which is average then yes, 10pm.

Also sometimes people call bedtime when they go to bed, not sleep. If you read a book at night, you might go to bed at 10 but not fall asleep 'til 11. It's not that different from someone who stays up watching TV then comes to bed and falls straight to sleep.

Let’s be real- how many late owls are really just people with adhd? They lose track of time and get distracted by their phones. They should have more discipline to go to bed by 11 at least but don’t. And then they’re perpetually tired.

I’m not an early bird or a night owl but 10:30pm is a normal bed time. It’s not a child’s or tweens bedtime as someone said above. I wake up at 7:30.

Dh is a night owl and sleeps 12-7am.

Anonymous wrote:Mostly it seems to be the night owls who are happy with the mixed arrangement, right?

I’m a morning person and I hate DH’s night owl habits

No. I’m a night owl and I get very annoyed that my partner basically comes home for dinner at 7 and is asleep in bed or on the couch by 9pm but insists they aren’t going to bed. It’s like living with a child when your partner is done for the day by 9:30 at the latest. And then they get pissy when the house (with two teens) isn’t up and at ‘em by 7am like they are. The judgment is nuts too because why can’t I call them lazy at 9pm, but they can call me lazy at 8am? It’s lame.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a night owl and my late DH was an early bird. It had no affect on our awesome marriage.

I'm guessing neither of you try to control the other.

NP. I think you missed a couple of words there. Maybe reread and write a nicer response to this woman.

Mostly it seems to be the night owls who are happy with the mixed arrangement, right?

I’m a morning person and I hate DH’s night owl habits

Pretty much all the married couples I know are a mix of night owl and early bird. Make of that what you will.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Preparing in advance and coming in the room quietly is fine. The problem is OP's boyfriend keeps turning the lights on and off! She should give him a few more chances to work out his system, but if he doesn't then she should break up with him for being not very smart.

It sounds like she tried to make him get in bed with her at a time that was way too early for him! Turning the lights on seems like a jerk move though, maybe he thought she was already asleep and was trying to find his way out without stubbing a toe?? Why does he have to work out a system though?

Because if he doesn't, she will break up with him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My night owl ex stayed up and watched porn instead of coming to bed around 9:30/10pm.

930/10 is way too early. That’s a tween’s bedtime. Not a grown adult.

Him having to get his needs met by porn is a separate issue.

I’m about to blow your mind:

I go to bed at 9:30/10 and I have been a very high functioning adult for 29 years.

-NP

Apparently not since you have a children’s bedtime. Do you work? Have kids? Make them dinner?

What time are you making dinner? My teens are in bed by 10. They have to wake up at 6am.

Calm down, night owl, nobody is attacking you, you don’t need to attack them. Breathe…

I’m glad we finally found the one parent of teens on this site that isn’t an athlete taking AP classes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My night owl ex stayed up and watched porn instead of coming to bed around 9:30/10pm.

930/10 is way too early. That’s a tween’s bedtime. Not a grown adult.

Him having to get his needs met by porn is a separate issue.

I’m about to blow your mind:

I go to bed at 9:30/10 and I have been a very high functioning adult for 29 years.

-NP

Apparently not since you have a children’s bedtime. Do you work? Have kids? Make them dinner?

Why would she need to be up at 10 pm for dinner?

Adults have evening activities and chores that don’t start until we return from work. Dinner being one of them. You know that, but are just playing stupid to assume you’re eating at 10.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My night owl ex stayed up and watched porn instead of coming to bed around 9:30/10pm.

930/10 is way too early. That’s a tween’s bedtime. Not a grown adult.

Him having to get his needs met by porn is a separate issue.

I’m about to blow your mind:

I go to bed at 9:30/10 and I have been a very high functioning adult for 29 years.

-NP

Apparently not since you have a children’s bedtime. Do you work? Have kids? Make them dinner?

What time are you making dinner? My teens are in bed by 10. They have to wake up at 6am.

Calm down, night owl, nobody is attacking you, you don’t need to attack them. Breathe…

My husband is a night owl, and I run earlier. It works because I go to bed at a reasonable hour, and then he stays up late in a different room and does whatever he wants.

I won’t say it never causes problems, but we’re doing OK. It has taken me being able to say “I need to go to bed now, if you want s$x you need to make a move earlier in the evening.” And it has required him to accept that, and also make moves earlier (and me too - it’s not one directional in our relationship). Sometimes I stay up late, sometimes I get him up earlier than he wants to get up.

If neither of you is willing to create the boundaries that this requires, and give a little in either direction occasionally, it won’t work and you should split up. It can work, but only if both people want it to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My night owl ex stayed up and watched porn instead of coming to bed around 9:30/10pm.

930/10 is way too early. That’s a tween’s bedtime. Not a grown adult.

Him having to get his needs met by porn is a separate issue.

I’m about to blow your mind:

I go to bed at 9:30/10 and I have been a very high functioning adult for 29 years.

-NP

Apparently not since you have a children’s bedtime. Do you work? Have kids? Make them dinner?

Why would she need to be up at 10 pm for dinner?

Anonymous wrote:Preparing in advance and coming in the room quietly is fine. The problem is OP's boyfriend keeps turning the lights on and off! She should give him a few more chances to work out his system, but if he doesn't then she should break up with him for being not very smart.

It sounds like she tried to make him get in bed with her at a time that was way too early for him! Turning the lights on seems like a jerk move though, maybe he thought she was already asleep and was trying to find his way out without stubbing a toe?? Why does he have to work out a system though?