Anonymous
Post 10/10/2025 20:46     Subject: Unemployed ex- Should I look for another job or stay put?
I really think the advice to stay put is misguided. OP loses nothing except a little of her time by looking. She is going to be stretched in her current job, and she has no idea if there are better paying jobs that also offer her flexibility etc. She won't until she looks.

She doesn't have to quit her job to look!
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2025 20:42     Subject: Unemployed ex- Should I look for another job or stay put?
Why isn't he putting a portion of his severance towards health insurance and daycare. Not h understanding why he's entirely off the hook.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2025 20:16     Subject: Re:Unemployed ex- Should I look for another job or stay put?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just a thought to add to the mix as you consider options. For at
Least the next 6-8 years you have summer camp bills for as many as 10 weeks a year a kid. It’s not cheap. It may be less than daycare, but you’re not home free.

Good luck with your decision. Personally after having been through a few years of a toxic environment after which I moved to an amazing one, I’d try to stay put. But you have more to consider than I do.

Sorry that things blew up for you.


Yes, summer camp for our two kids is $6k per summer. Daycare right now is $24k per year so still a significant reductions in childcare costs.


You can find a cheaper summer camp or he can take them.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2025 20:15     Subject: Unemployed ex- Should I look for another job or stay put?
Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why your kids can’t be on CHiP for free?


Her income is too high.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2025 20:13     Subject: Unemployed ex- Should I look for another job or stay put?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP raises an interesting question: how is children's health insurance covered in a divorce settlement?

Is that benefit considered part of incoming part of child support budget? Or just ignored?


OP here. It's calculated into the formula (everything is a formula now). So basically because the kids were on his insurance, the balance was pretty even and he didn't owe me child support (which I am fine with).


You need to go back to court and get it recaculated if you are paying health insurance or he needs to continue to provide it. How do you get your insurance for yourself?
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2025 20:09     Subject: Unemployed ex- Should I look for another job or stay put?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here- he doesn't pay me child support at all (not even when employed) and he's not getting unemployment benefits which leads me to believe he was fired.


Lots of people get fired for no fault. Do you share custody?


The rules for severance can impact unemployment. He may have to wait a while.


+1. This was my thought on the unemployment. They usually count a lump sum as being worth X weeks and you cant get unemployment until that time passes.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2025 19:48     Subject: Unemployed ex- Should I look for another job or stay put?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here- he doesn't pay me child support at all (not even when employed) and he's not getting unemployment benefits which leads me to believe he was fired.


Lots of people get fired for no fault. Do you share custody?


The rules for severance can impact unemployment. He may have to wait a while.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2025 17:10     Subject: Unemployed ex- Should I look for another job or stay put?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Since he isn't working, can't dad do the childcare during the week?

Think about it.

If you were the parent who lost the job, wouldn't you pull your kid from daycare and keep them home with you, so you could enjoy this precious time with your child during the best years of parenting?

Why can't he do the same?

Even if it was only part time, it would save quite a bit on daycare.

Yes of course I would, but I'm not a deadbeat dad.


If he was making $175,000/year and is current on all of his child obligations, you can hardly refer to him as a "deadbeat dad"

That is an utterly unfair accusation to make and not good for the kids.

Why not ask him if he can be respondible for 2 days of childcare per week while he is job hunting?

He might jump on that opportunity.

Maybe wrong term. What's the more appropriate term for someone who cheats on their pregnant wife with prostitutes (while she is unknowingly still sleeping with him w/o protection), starts an affair, develops a drinking problem, faces criminal charges, rips his kids lives apart, and then loses his job + the kids health insurance?
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2025 17:07     Subject: Unemployed ex- Should I look for another job or stay put?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here- he doesn't pay me child support at all (not even when employed) and he's not getting unemployment benefits which leads me to believe he was fired.


Ok.

Your original post made it sound like he was paying child support and daycare, which you now have to cover since he lost his job.

He had them on his health insurance plan + was paying for 60% of daycare. So now im covering all that which is an extra $2300/m
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2025 13:34     Subject: Unemployed ex- Should I look for another job or stay put?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Since he isn't working, can't dad do the childcare during the week?

Think about it.

If you were the parent who lost the job, wouldn't you pull your kid from daycare and keep them home with you, so you could enjoy this precious time with your child during the best years of parenting?

Why can't he do the same?

Even if it was only part time, it would save quite a bit on daycare.


Why can’t a divorced parent lose their job, end their financial obligations and get extra time with the children while the ex spouse works? Think hard on this


Women do this all the time.

Why can't a husband do this as well?

There are only benefits to the kids to spending time with their loving parent over daycare.

If he is available, why not?

It would be a win for everyone, especially the children.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2025 13:32     Subject: Unemployed ex- Should I look for another job or stay put?
Anonymous wrote:OP here- he doesn't pay me child support at all (not even when employed) and he's not getting unemployment benefits which leads me to believe he was fired.


Ok.

Your original post made it sound like he was paying child support and daycare, which you now have to cover since he lost his job.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2025 13:31     Subject: Unemployed ex- Should I look for another job or stay put?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Since he isn't working, can't dad do the childcare during the week?

Think about it.

If you were the parent who lost the job, wouldn't you pull your kid from daycare and keep them home with you, so you could enjoy this precious time with your child during the best years of parenting?

Why can't he do the same?

Even if it was only part time, it would save quite a bit on daycare.

Yes of course I would, but I'm not a deadbeat dad.


If he was making $175,000/year and is current on all of his child obligations, you can hardly refer to him as a "deadbeat dad"

That is an utterly unfair accusation to make and not good for the kids.

Why not ask him if he can be respondible for 2 days of childcare per week while he is job hunting?

He might jump on that opportunity.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2025 12:24     Subject: Unemployed ex- Should I look for another job or stay put?
I would stay put for now. Get time under your belt in your new position. The economy is a little shaky so a safe harbor is no small thing, especially with your added responsibilities. Things will ease up a little bit when your kids aren’t in preschool.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2025 11:59     Subject: Unemployed ex- Should I look for another job or stay put?
Anonymous wrote:OP raises an interesting question: how is children's health insurance covered in a divorce settlement?

Is that benefit considered part of incoming part of child support budget? Or just ignored?


OP here. It's calculated into the formula (everything is a formula now). So basically because the kids were on his insurance, the balance was pretty even and he didn't owe me child support (which I am fine with).
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2025 11:49     Subject: Unemployed ex- Should I look for another job or stay put?
OP raises an interesting question: how is children's health insurance covered in a divorce settlement?

Is that benefit considered part of incoming part of child support budget? Or just ignored?