Anonymous wrote:Good lord op. You are one cold daughter…

Not op. You are clueless and worse.

I hear you OP. Until my mom hit a certain stage in her dementia it was nuts, between her health anxiety and regular aging I burned through ALL my own leave..two to three separate eye exam because of blurriness and irritation (it was makeup in her eye and dry eye), dermatologist becuase she was sure it was cancer; twice to gastro along with 2 urgent care visits for stomach issues (constipation, reflux who knows), a couple times to neurologist (becase onset of dementia), three times cardiologist (including one to simply get test results!!!) ; bone density infusion/rheumatologist, to which she had a terrible reactin and then orthopedist for back pain, along with an acupuncturist weekly and several ER visits for what turned out to be UTIs, along with a panoply of PCP visits. This was all in the span of about a year.



now that she has a terminal illness and has deteriorated significantly,we reduced external appointments greatly (she sees an NP almost weekly in her facility, they also have dental, podiatrist, and psychiatric nurse practitioner for meds...). Its a huge relief.

Anonymous wrote:I'd like for someone to have this conversation with my husband. He takes his mom to 1-3 appointments per week. It's definitely draining-I can't really ask him to help out with the kids in a pinch bc it either interferes with work or with her appts.

Tomorrow it's a bone density test. For what? She takes the proper supplements for them and is nearly 90years old.

Then it's kidney doc, pcp, neurology, dental, and any flareup/issue that may arise in between appts.

You need to have the conversation. You can show him this thread.
A bone density test for a 90 yo woman is ridiculous. What novelty do you think they will discover? Egads!
It's a waste of alllll our health care, quite frankly.

I'd like for someone to have this conversation with my husband. He takes his mom to 1-3 appointments per week. It's definitely draining-I can't really ask him to help out with the kids in a pinch bc it either interferes with work or with her appts.

Tomorrow it's a bone density test. For what? She takes the proper supplements for them and is nearly 90years old.

Then it's kidney doc, pcp, neurology, dental, and any flareup/issue that may arise in between appts.

Anonymous wrote:Good lord op. You are one cold daughter…

I disagree, I feel this woman's concern and feel that it's worth discussing and looking for a better way to manage.

I have spent the better part of the last 5-year shuttling my mom to and from doctors appointments. Its time consuming. After spending the better part of day to get her to a doctor, who ended being a no-show at an appointment, I had a long talk with her PCP and asked if we could narrow down the doctors she was seeing, the tests etc. It was such a beneficial conversation, we really evaluated her care, her needs, her medications and re-worked her appointment schedules. Obviously we get her to the specialists, and annual check-ups but there was a lot we could cut out, and cut down. Its still a time-consuming job to manage the appointments, the transportation and follow up - but I would recommend re-visiting what you are doing and what isn't essential.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel your pain, OP. I have taken my entire year’s leave in the last couple of months managing my parent’s medical appointments. We did a routine checkup, then got a specialist referral, then a referral for three tests and a procedure, which also had a pre-procedure appointment and a follow up. Then we had an annual follow up with another specialist, who referred for another test and procedure, which will need follow up testing and appointments.

We have two more referrals to other specialists for concerns, but I have to put them on the back burner and be at work for a few weeks if I want to keep my job.

How old are these people and how is their quality of life? Do they really need all these appointments?

80, living independently and previously in good general health but has become a fearful driver and is understandably flummoxed by online medical charts and the medical terminology in appointments, so for nothing serious I take him. The appointments ultimately led us to the cardiac cath lab and identified a new moderately severe pulomonological disorder so yes, necessary.

Just want to say I'm in the same boat and there is no easy answer except don't jeopardize your employment.

Anonymous wrote:In caring for my father, I asked two of the specialists we were seeing every 6 months (with no real issues after him being cancer free for five years) whether or not we needed to continue seeing them or if we could address any concerns within his regular oncologist appointment. Both agreed we could stop seeing them and just deal with the oncologist. It was exhausting for my father (and me since I have extensive medical issues to deal with myself), so in my experience, it paid off to ask. Wishing you well with your situation.

Same. My father does not want any extra appointments and is happy to sign anything that says he's acting "against medical advice". In fact, he signs it with a flourish.

Depending on their age and health condition, I think your average 2 options: (1) hires a care manager who can take your loved one to some of these appointments and be your eyes and ears; or (2) work with their PCP to better coordinate and prioritize all the specialists. Specialists have tunnel vision and are not looking out for the whole person. Plus, med malpractice has made then very risk adverse and they want to constantly follow up. However, it’s not always in the best interest of a geriatric patient. The PCP should be able to come up with a more manageable and reasonable plan. If the PCP is not a geriatrician, you may want to consider switching to one.