Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are U12 and we have 2x girls on the team that are terrible this way. 100% it is brought on by the parents. This is how they talk to their kids in public and now the kids talk to the their teammates this way. Its exhausting. One time, we had a game where both of those players were gone and the whole team was magically happy again.

Sometimes, the Coach or Parent pushes the kid to "step-up" and be a leader on the field. -Give me a break. No Coach should ever single out some pre-teen to be a leader on the field. The kids do not have the mental capacity to handle those kids of demands on the field. The captain's arm-band should be rotated around to all players. True, healthy team leadership does not emerge until kids are about 17 years old.

I would send a message to the coach to work on some team bonding types of exercises and lay out your concerns. Explain the importance of having the kids talk to each other in a positive & supporting way.

Trust me, most of the other kids on the team probably do not like it either.

I agree. I also have a u12 and behaviors from some of these girls are downright nasty. All stems from parents. I tried telling my daughter to just be nice, but she can only take so much.

We also at U12 and have a couple of loudmouths on our team, and when they don’t show up, the whole group feels so much more relaxed. Our team is kind of an 80/20 mix of 80% nice, 20% nasty and the nasty ones always seem to feed off each other.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would bring it up to the coach. Bullying is a Safesport violation and it is reportable.

There might not be anything too it, but the coach should try to foster an atmosphere of mutual respect on the team.

Talk to your coach, tell him your DD is considering quitting the team. I am sure the club leadership would be concerned if they knew the reason was bullying.

Send your coach this link to a handbook to help prevent bullying:
https://eptoolkit.uscenterforsafesport.org/prevent-bullying/?_gl=1*ixxa3u*_gcl_au*OTQ4MjA3MDgzLjE3NjAwMzEwNjg.*_ga*NDUxNjQ1MTQ4LjE3NjAwMzEwNjg.*_ga_MBN6TFWKW0*czE3NjAwMzEwNjckbzEkZzAkdDE3NjAwMzEwNzckajUwJGwwJGgw&_ga=2.104619267.2055339808.1760031068-451645148.1760031068

If nothing works, you can report it here:
https://safesport.i-sight.com/portal
1-877-587-7233

Not OP but if the mean girls are the coach’s kid, the coach’s nieces, or the coach’s kid's bff what are we going to do?

Learn how to help your DD actually become a better soccer player—so the ones out there giving it their all don’t keep getting frustrated week after week by teammates who just… aren’t.

These are kids, yes—but they still need guidance. Some are naturally competitive and take their sport seriously. They expect the same effort and focus from the players beside them. And honestly? Some kids just aren’t built for that level of competition—and that’s okay! Maybe a softer sport, or a solo one, would suit better.

Otherwise, help your DD close the gap. Watch film together. Catch matches on TV. Get extra touches in outside of team practice. Confidence builds competitiveness.

When everyone’s dialed in—mentally and physically—the whole team thrives. It’s that simple.

ChatGPT strikes again… with facts.

The player can become better when there is a better environment--either they leave or that group of bullies/ignoramuses leaves. A lot of times the talkers/yellers actually are saying the wrong stuff and have a much lower soccer IQ than the silent leaders who don't have the same personality but have better touch and better soccer IQ. This happened to DD -- not specifically bullied but ignorant talk from the loudest players on the team, one of whose parents was constantly saying "be a leader" to her loud DD. Being a leader doesn't mean talking the loudest especially when your kid doesn't know what she's talking about and has the first touch of a brick. An specific example is this loud player incorrectly vacated her space and the person she was marking to get involved in a play where team already had an overload/numerical advantage of players, so DD had to cover two players at once, and when the other team of course slid it through to the player that was suddenly unmarked and DD tried to intervene the ball went to the open player who scored, the loud player and her mom-coach were yelling at DD about why did she leave that person open yadda yadda yadda. When that player and several other probelm players/parents left DD was happy again and that positively impacted her play.

This kind of thing is typical on weaker teams. The culture isn’t performance based it’s personality driven and it shows up the most in the middle school age groups. The mean girl is usually not very good, often lazy, but has enabling parents and a little circle of parents who think it’s quirky or cute. Meanwhile, the player is a nightmare and the whole team suffers.

If a team is 0-10 (or close to it) this is one of the reasons usually. Coach oblivious and focused on cone drills and scrimmages. If players aren't valuing performance above all else, what exactly are they valuing? What is the point of all of this? To make one kid feel good. Great job.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another side of this is it wouldn't surprise me if some of these overbearing kids are struggling with their own issues (I know of some kids who act this way have ADHD -- and who knows if they even are getting treatment be it drugs and/or therapy -- and that family might just be doing that ... For them, soccer actually might be one of the more positive things in their life and underneath it all, they might be working super hard not to be mean).

Most people who are mean and bully are not happy with themselves.

And some don't understand why and are also growing up at the same time. Grace and patience is needed for all.

Won’t someone please think of the nasty bullies 😢

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know that very well. Every team usually has a bit of a “chihuahua syndrome” — it’s that one small, feisty kid, either playing up a year or just really tiny, who’s always barking and bossing everyone around because she’s insecure about her size. She bounces all over the field, blames everyone else, and never takes responsibility herself. And the worst part? Her parents are even worse — they think their kid is the best, which is exactly why she’s playing up in the first place.

Lol this hits close to home. Sigh.

this is too funny

Anonymous wrote:I know that very well. Every team usually has a bit of a “chihuahua syndrome” — it’s that one small, feisty kid, either playing up a year or just really tiny, who’s always barking and bossing everyone around because she’s insecure about her size. She bounces all over the field, blames everyone else, and never takes responsibility herself. And the worst part? Her parents are even worse — they think their kid is the best, which is exactly why she’s playing up in the first place.

Lol this hits close to home. Sigh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would bring it up to the coach. Bullying is a Safesport violation and it is reportable.

There might not be anything too it, but the coach should try to foster an atmosphere of mutual respect on the team.

Talk to your coach, tell him your DD is considering quitting the team. I am sure the club leadership would be concerned if they knew the reason was bullying.

Send your coach this link to a handbook to help prevent bullying:
https://eptoolkit.uscenterforsafesport.org/prevent-bullying/?_gl=1*ixxa3u*_gcl_au*OTQ4MjA3MDgzLjE3NjAwMzEwNjg.*_ga*NDUxNjQ1MTQ4LjE3NjAwMzEwNjg.*_ga_MBN6TFWKW0*czE3NjAwMzEwNjckbzEkZzAkdDE3NjAwMzEwNzckajUwJGwwJGgw&_ga=2.104619267.2055339808.1760031068-451645148.1760031068

If nothing works, you can report it here:
https://safesport.i-sight.com/portal
1-877-587-7233

Not OP but if the mean girls are the coach’s kid, the coach’s nieces, or the coach’s kid's bff what are we going to do?

Learn how to help your DD actually become a better soccer player—so the ones out there giving it their all don’t keep getting frustrated week after week by teammates who just… aren’t.

These are kids, yes—but they still need guidance. Some are naturally competitive and take their sport seriously. They expect the same effort and focus from the players beside them. And honestly? Some kids just aren’t built for that level of competition—and that’s okay! Maybe a softer sport, or a solo one, would suit better.

Otherwise, help your DD close the gap. Watch film together. Catch matches on TV. Get extra touches in outside of team practice. Confidence builds competitiveness.

When everyone’s dialed in—mentally and physically—the whole team thrives. It’s that simple.

ChatGPT strikes again… with facts.

Is it just other girls or is it the coach? Can be when other girls vocal is often because the coach opened the door and other girls just following coach’s lead.

Wish I had advice to provide. Look at the coach, team culture and club. Sometimes the bratty kid moves to another level. Sometimes it’s the culture of the parents, team, club. We changed clubs for my daughter and it has made ALL the difference and she is thriving.

My son has a similar brat on his team whose dad is also the coach and mostly ignored his son’s behavior. The teammates all dislike the brat, you can tell, but given the coach-son scenario have to live with it. In my experience it’s hard to find the perfect scenario/situation, but we are lucky to live in an area with lots of club options and also - kids change coaches and teams over time, so there’s always next year. You can have your kid choose to ignore the best for now or check the brat.

Anonymous wrote:We are U12 and we have 2x girls on the team that are terrible this way. 100% it is brought on by the parents. This is how they talk to their kids in public and now the kids talk to the their teammates this way. Its exhausting. One time, we had a game where both of those players were gone and the whole team was magically happy again.

Sometimes, the Coach or Parent pushes the kid to "step-up" and be a leader on the field. -Give me a break. No Coach should ever single out some pre-teen to be a leader on the field. The kids do not have the mental capacity to handle those kids of demands on the field. The captain's arm-band should be rotated around to all players. True, healthy team leadership does not emerge until kids are about 17 years old.

I would send a message to the coach to work on some team bonding types of exercises and lay out your concerns. Explain the importance of having the kids talk to each other in a positive & supporting way.

Trust me, most of the other kids on the team probably do not like it either.

I agree. I also have a u12 and behaviors from some of these girls are downright nasty. All stems from parents. I tried telling my daughter to just be nice, but she can only take so much.

Agree with the PPs. The first step is to let the coach know. It is his responsibility to create and maintain a healthy competitive culture within his team.

That’s what we did when it happened to our DD’s team. One girl left because of bullying so we asked him to fix it and he did.

If your coach doesn’t do anything or believes it’s not his job, tell his boss. If it’s still not addressed, go elsewhere. This is a sign of much greater ineptitude and lack of care.

Meanwhile continue to encourage your DD to stand above it all. Best way to do that is outplay them. Understand that while unpleasant, it is a temporary situation and one that she can’t let get in the way of her greater goals.

OP, I feel your pain. MybDD went through this last year. She was bullied horribly and coach did nothing. I would have benched the bullies. Girls can be nasty. It’s up to the coach to fix it. I would find a new team

I know this may be a very unpopular response, but I’ll say it anyway.

Demanding positive reinforcement from others to encourage yourself (or your child) is in itself a selfish demand. You can’t control how others behave toward you or your child.

I do agree that positive reinforcement is the desired and more effective motivation. But our kids also need to learn how to take criticism and even ridicule from others. If they can’t handle that, they are going to have a very difficult time in sports and outside of sports.

Before anyone accuses me of something - I do NOT teach my children to ever be mean to anyone and I do not condone mistreatment by anyone. But I also teach my children to not allow themselves to be bothered by criticism (constructive or otherwise) nor by mean people.

I know that very well. Every team usually has a bit of a “chihuahua syndrome” — it’s that one small, feisty kid, either playing up a year or just really tiny, who’s always barking and bossing everyone around because she’s insecure about her size. She bounces all over the field, blames everyone else, and never takes responsibility herself. And the worst part? Her parents are even worse — they think their kid is the best, which is exactly why she’s playing up in the first place.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would bring it up to the coach. Bullying is a Safesport violation and it is reportable.

There might not be anything too it, but the coach should try to foster an atmosphere of mutual respect on the team.

Talk to your coach, tell him your DD is considering quitting the team. I am sure the club leadership would be concerned if they knew the reason was bullying.

Send your coach this link to a handbook to help prevent bullying:
https://eptoolkit.uscenterforsafesport.org/prevent-bullying/?_gl=1*ixxa3u*_gcl_au*OTQ4MjA3MDgzLjE3NjAwMzEwNjg.*_ga*NDUxNjQ1MTQ4LjE3NjAwMzEwNjg.*_ga_MBN6TFWKW0*czE3NjAwMzEwNjckbzEkZzAkdDE3NjAwMzEwNzckajUwJGwwJGgw&_ga=2.104619267.2055339808.1760031068-451645148.1760031068

If nothing works, you can report it here:
https://safesport.i-sight.com/portal
1-877-587-7233

Not OP but if the mean girls are the coach’s kid, the coach’s nieces, or the coach’s kid's bff what are we going to do?