Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not an uncommon experience. You can really reduce being targeted, though, through some behavioral shifts.

What behavioral shifts do you recommend?

You apply for jobs and you leave. You don’t sit around and wait to be fired. People treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Every manager, and every workplace isn’t toxic - I’ve had some mediocre bosses but I’ve never had a bad boss or a toxic boss (at least not until the Trump Administration… and you know what - I started applying for jobs as soon as they started treating federal workers disrespectfully and I quit because I won’t stand for it). If you believe that every work environment is toxic, you will stay forever and tolerate bad behavior. But it’s not true.

When you apply for jobs, you need to do a better job of screening employers. Read online reviews. Skip places where people report toxic culture. When you interview, don’t forget that you’re interviewing them as much as they are interviewing you. Ask the person you’d report to about their management style. Ask them about how they respond when one of their reports makes a big mistake. Ask them how they prioritize competing demands and help their team members manage their competing workloads. If they give you a job offer, ask to speak with the people who will be your colleagues, etc, etc.

And truthfully, you should consider that you may be part of the problem. The way you’ve argued with people here makes you come across as someone who isn’t really receptive to feedback. Or that you’re one of those people who always views things in the most negative light possible - we all have a colleague or two that no matter what suggestions you may offer to a problem, there’s always a reason why it’s not really a solution and it can never work. So maybe you’re part of the reason why your workplaces aren’t great.

Also - maybe your boss wanted to review your emails because they didn’t like the way you write (which could just be stylistic preferences, but it could also be you not having the appropriate tone for the specific audience even if the writing was technically proficient, or maybe you’re just not as good of a writer as you think you are, etc).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not an uncommon experience. You can really reduce being targeted, though, through some behavioral shifts.

What behavioral shifts do you recommend?

you should smile more.

/s

DP. I see the /s, but the answer is related. Be unbothered.

There does seem to be some of this that is OP being upset about normal things. I’ve seen this before in people with a blue collar background who earned a credential and are super-sensitive about not being given the respect they think they’re due. One of my best friends was like this, and it really held her back.

It is true that there are bullies in most any work place, and like all bullies, they pick on people who they can get a reaction from. People (and it does tend to be mostly women) who get upset and have “workplace trauma” are just encouraging their persecutors. The biggest bully at one of my jobs not only didn’t continue to try to bully me, but thought I hung the moon, because I literally gave him the finger (accompanied by a blank stare) when he did it to me. The only truly upsetting person I ever worked for was an actual sociopath, so I left that job. But I wasn’t the only one and shortly after I left the CEO caught on to him and he was fired and perp-walked out of the building.

If someone micromanaging your emails gives you “trauma,” you’re not cut out for the working world.

Anonymous wrote:This is OP and sad to see I’m not alone. Re: having emails reviewed - I refuse to believe this is normal, as this only happened in my last job. Previously I was chief of staff to CEO, and not sure if PP read my whole post but also have an advanced degree, so well past the point of needing to have my written communications reviewed for grammatical errors. Further, it’s demoralizing to be treated like you don’t have the mental capacity to write a solid email.

I just want to run away and join the circus, but sure this would be just as toxic.

Does this kind of stuff happen to men too? It just seems VASTLY easier to be a man in the workplace, and that goes for all workplaces I’ve been in.

I've experienced bullying by female bosses. One was a huge micromanager. I had more knowledge and better work experience than she did, and she knew it; however, she was leadership's darling with some political ties, and nepotism was a factor in protecting her, too. That sort of micromanaging is meant to reduce confidence in your skills and make the abusive supervisor feel superior. There are people hired on merit but often, when it comes to those promoted into managerial positions, there are people hired for political reasons-- they're coddled, groomed, and treated with kid gloves, and anyone who goes up against them will be dealt with harshly. They're sort of corporate nobility, and they expect to be treated as such. There are better places out there but they are hard to find and hard to get into.

Anonymous wrote:So many people are suffering in toxic work environments. Sometimes it's not worth the money. It can wreck your mental health.

You know what else is bad for your mental health? Homelessness.

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes you do land in a bad job situation. You have to extricate yourself. If you are repeatedly landing in bad job situations, maybe it’s you.

I agree with this. If you've tried a few different places, and they're all the same, well... that's work. We all hate it, join the club, we meet at the bar. If you're very lucky you sometimes get to flex your skills and dig into something interesting. I've had lots of professional satisfaction, but I have to tune out the interpersonal BS and not let the interpersonal BS be anywhere near top of mind.

And yes, burnout. It is real, but also, what are you going to do? Quit and live under a bridge? Not in DC, the feds will assault you.

So many people are suffering in toxic work environments. Sometimes it's not worth the money. It can wreck your mental health.

Sometimes you do land in a bad job situation. You have to extricate yourself. If you are repeatedly landing in bad job situations, maybe it’s you.

"The workplace is so bad to women" is such a trope. OP is junior in her field and shouldn't start a new career at middle age if she doesn't want oversight by senior employees, even if they are younger than she is.

Also, I quickly dispense with oversight of staff that proves themselves confident/reliable and I tell them so. If I'm still looking at your work, you aren't doing a good job. Checks out since OP was fired.

Yup, I’ve put up with bad behavior, sexual harassment and unfair treatment on and off for 30 years! I was even threatened to be fired/put on a PiP when I returned from maternity leave because I didn’t partake in my team lead’s shenanigans to (lie) help berate a project manager (I supported) at our customer site! I left that job assignment and months later I was removed from a customer site by a jerk who didn’t want me to take time during the work day to use the mothers room to pump!

I usually stand up for myself or find another project because there’s no denying I’m very competent and work hard.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading these posts makes me realize that the abuse heaped on SAHM comes from really traumatized working women.

Or their big ego husbands. Working women don’t hang out at their house.

Working women return back home from work to put in second shift. Their big man-child DHs are strangely helpless to do regular stuff.

Anonymous wrote:I am 39 and just got laid off last week. I have worked for the better part of the last 26 years, and I am exhausted. I did blue collar work until my early thirties, when I got my degrees, and have been in the professional work force for the last five years.

I have been lied to, lied about, been caught in the political crosshairs of the office environment, bullied, sexually harassed, demeaned, pushed out, sidelined, etc. I was so on guard leaving my previous role for this new one, but this last job was probably the worst in terms of a lack of “psychological safety”: I was micromanaged, asked to send copies of emails for editing/review before sending out, spoken to like a naughty child when I didn’t read the minds of the managers I was supporting etc. The client loved me but my immediate peers/managers were passive-aggressive and the opposite of supportive.

ATP corporate America just seems like an exploitive toxic sludge and I feel panic when I think about taking on a new role. I never seem to be able to align with the right people and end up scapegoated. I’m sure there’s some blind spots but generally I’m very well-liked, it just seems that I’m an easy target for the workplace bully/ies and I am afraid of being in any kind of situation like that again.

Has anyone else been in this position? I have an MBA and want to work - I actually like working, even outside of the income perspective - but I am just so gun-shy. I feel like I’ll never find a place that’s honest and transparent and generally positive. Is it me? Is it them? Is this just the nature of work in America?

I wonder what’s your profile? Height , race, birth place?

MBA + Blue Collar = start your own business and become a millionaire with your expertise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 39 and just got laid off last week. I have worked for the better part of the last 26 years, and I am exhausted. I did blue collar work until my early thirties, when I got my degrees, and have been in the professional work force for the last five years.

I have been lied to, lied about, been caught in the political crosshairs of the office environment, bullied, sexually harassed, demeaned, pushed out, sidelined, etc. I was so on guard leaving my previous role for this new one, but this last job was probably the worst in terms of a lack of “psychological safety”: I was micromanaged, asked to send copies of emails for editing/review before sending out, spoken to like a naughty child when I didn’t read the minds of the managers I was supporting etc. The client loved me but my immediate peers/managers were passive-aggressive and the opposite of supportive.

ATP corporate America just seems like an exploitive toxic sludge and I feel panic when I think about taking on a new role. I never seem to be able to align with the right people and end up scapegoated. I’m sure there’s some blind spots but generally I’m very well-liked, it just seems that I’m an easy target for the workplace bully/ies and I am afraid of being in any kind of situation like that again.

Has anyone else been in this position? I have an MBA and want to work - I actually like working, even outside of the income perspective - but I am just so gun-shy. I feel like I’ll never find a place that’s honest and transparent and generally positive. Is it me? Is it them? Is this just the nature of work in America?

This post has more than a whiff of, "If everyone you meet is an a-hole, perhaps it isn't them that is the problem."

I had the same impression. OP needs some introspection. I have a very don't f*** with me personality and have literally never experienced any of this. I would also consider myself a smart woman, with PhD and all. But maybe I should just consider myself lucky..

Still OP, if you experience this kind of behavior toward you consistently, there is something about you that attracts it (and I am not trying to excuse the bad behavior if it is real), or you might be interpreting things in a way not intended by your managers, getting defensive and blowing things out of proportion.

Anonymous wrote:I am 39 and just got laid off last week. I have worked for the better part of the last 26 years, and I am exhausted. I did blue collar work until my early thirties, when I got my degrees, and have been in the professional work force for the last five years.

I have been lied to, lied about, been caught in the political crosshairs of the office environment, bullied, sexually harassed, demeaned, pushed out, sidelined, etc. I was so on guard leaving my previous role for this new one, but this last job was probably the worst in terms of a lack of “psychological safety”: I was micromanaged, asked to send copies of emails for editing/review before sending out, spoken to like a naughty child when I didn’t read the minds of the managers I was supporting etc. The client loved me but my immediate peers/managers were passive-aggressive and the opposite of supportive.

ATP corporate America just seems like an exploitive toxic sludge and I feel panic when I think about taking on a new role. I never seem to be able to align with the right people and end up scapegoated. I’m sure there’s some blind spots but generally I’m very well-liked, it just seems that I’m an easy target for the workplace bully/ies and I am afraid of being in any kind of situation like that again.

Has anyone else been in this position? I have an MBA and want to work - I actually like working, even outside of the income perspective - but I am just so gun-shy. I feel like I’ll never find a place that’s honest and transparent and generally positive. Is it me? Is it them? Is this just the nature of work in America?

Welcome to the real world. Put on your big girl pants and get back to work.

Anonymous wrote:I am 39 and just got laid off last week. I have worked for the better part of the last 26 years, and I am exhausted. I did blue collar work until my early thirties, when I got my degrees, and have been in the professional work force for the last five years.

I have been lied to, lied about, been caught in the political crosshairs of the office environment, bullied, sexually harassed, demeaned, pushed out, sidelined, etc. I was so on guard leaving my previous role for this new one, but this last job was probably the worst in terms of a lack of “psychological safety”: I was micromanaged, asked to send copies of emails for editing/review before sending out, spoken to like a naughty child when I didn’t read the minds of the managers I was supporting etc. The client loved me but my immediate peers/managers were passive-aggressive and the opposite of supportive.

ATP corporate America just seems like an exploitive toxic sludge and I feel panic when I think about taking on a new role. I never seem to be able to align with the right people and end up scapegoated. I’m sure there’s some blind spots but generally I’m very well-liked, it just seems that I’m an easy target for the workplace bully/ies and I am afraid of being in any kind of situation like that again.

Has anyone else been in this position? I have an MBA and want to work - I actually like working, even outside of the income perspective - but I am just so gun-shy. I feel like I’ll never find a place that’s honest and transparent and generally positive. Is it me? Is it them? Is this just the nature of work in America?

This post has more than a whiff of, "If everyone you meet is an a-hole, perhaps it isn't them that is the problem."

In my previous job, I had a (female) boss suddenly turn on me. It was obvious to many of our colleagues. I suspect I know why, but it wasn't worth sticking around to find out for sure. I got another job. It's not ideal, but it's decent -- especially considering how volatile the job market is right now.