Anonymous wrote:

I mean, I work in biglaw, doesn't that describe most folks that don't leave and try to stick around?

No.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you do have to give in a bit to the lifestyle. Get a new car, make sure you have a nice wardrobe (can still be minimalist), and learn a hobby that is popular among your clients and coworkers (gold, tennis, etc). You might actually enjoy it. To be successful in any profession where networking and schmoozing with clients is critical, you have to be relatable.

Great advice presented in a concise sentence.

To make partner, you need to attract and keep business. This is not simply about working long hours and producing good briefs. This is where the socialization, networking, and "sell" personality come in. It seems to me that you are going out of your way to justify how different you are from what you perceive typical big law partners to be (which is grossly monolithic, BTW).
OP, do you even want to make partner? Maybe you'd be better in house, where you don't have to deal with bringing in new business. Maybe you'd be happiest being of counsel, so you can still earn a very decent salary, but can forego all the social trappings that make you so uncomfortable.
Partnership in big law isn't for everyone. It does take a certain amount of willingness and drive to understand clients on multiple levels, which it seems that you do not have.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Based on your OP if you don’t make partner it will be for being too aspie, which caused you to make a post like this, vs the way you live. I’ve been practicing law over a decade and for 90% of my colleagues, I have no idea what their living situation is like. They could all live in shoebox studios for all I know.

this. From a big law married to another big law. Is this a troll post from reddit?

+1. Or OCD, especially the packing up exercise. Rigid.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Will be 35 this year. I do not have any debt and have paid off all loans. Planning on leaving excess funds to my nieces/nephews as I have multiple siblings with multiple kids.

Encouraging to hear that as long as I can “talk the talk” so to speak I should be good. I’m willing to spend a few minutes each week to learn what’s going on in football for that week or something and can focus on asking questions rather than sharing my own opinions (which I won’t really have).

The appearing prosperous part might be a bit more difficult. I tailor/repair my own clothes so they fit well and are clean and pressed but they are not brand name really, mostly whatever I find second hand or at thrift stores other than suits. Generally I try not to appear like I have money but if I need to get my car detailed and make sure everything is neat and tidy that is fine as long as it doesn’t require purchasing or leasing newer vehicles or anything like that.

You do sound a bit off OP. If I were to advise you to change a single thing, I'd up your clothes game a little. At this point you should focus on some "buy it for life" clothing items. Buy some nice clothes that will last. They should fit well/be tailored and made of quality materials. You do not need to and should avoid thrifting your business attire if you want to be taken seriously.

These are markers of success to potential clients, I have seen people feel that because people live this lifestyle they must be the best in their field. Some clients and coworkers are taken in by this others are not. I don't think the life style items are preconditions to making partner but law firms do like "fit" so if the culture you are in is not in sync w/ how you want to live your life you should try to fit in in other ways. I would be careful about thrifting all of your clothes - a certain look is expected at client facing events .

Anonymous wrote:Based on your OP if you don’t make partner it will be for being too aspie, which caused you to make a post like this, vs the way you live. I’ve been practicing law over a decade and for 90% of my colleagues, I have no idea what their living situation is like. They could all live in shoebox studios for all I know.

this. From a big law married to another big law. Is this a troll post from reddit?

I’m 9:33 - I have an old friend whose mom always told her to dress for the job she wants, not the job she has. When my friend worked at an ice cream shop in high school, she dressed like the manager, not her co-workers. This has always stuck with me.

I don’t think op needs a new car but I do think some new clothes would be helpful. You can go to Nordstrom and make an appointment with a stylist to help you. You can still wear your thrift store finds out of the office but the stylist can help you develop work outfits for when you are in the office, meeting with clients or for firm social events. Not sure of your gender but for men you can really tell the difference between a nice suit and a cheap one.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you do have to give in a bit to the lifestyle. Get a new car, make sure you have a nice wardrobe (can still be minimalist), and learn a hobby that is popular among your clients and coworkers (gold, tennis, etc). You might actually enjoy it. To be successful in any profession where networking and schmoozing with clients is critical, you have to be relatable.

OP can buy an Acura. Zuckerberg had one for a long time.

OP, I think you do have to give in a bit to the lifestyle. Get a new car, make sure you have a nice wardrobe (can still be minimalist), and learn a hobby that is popular among your clients and coworkers (gold, tennis, etc). You might actually enjoy it. To be successful in any profession where networking and schmoozing with clients is critical, you have to be relatable.

Anonymous wrote:You sound OCD about your daily routine and stuff and you are probably on the autism spectrum if you exhibit such resistance to change and such apparently willful misunderstanding of other people's lives. What you describe about your daily life is NOT NORMAL. I'm telling you in case you hadn't realized.

None of these things will help you with career advancement in a field where social skills are important. You will plateau at a level where your technical skills, expertise and productivity are valued, but below the level where you are required to make social connections and valuable client engagement.

I've seen it all before.

This. The lifestyle behaviors you've described and the way that you're arguing back at everyone on this thread demonstrates that you're not able/willing to "read the room" or fit in socially with the leadership.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound like a weirdo

I mean, I work in biglaw, doesn't that describe most folks that don't leave and try to stick around?

With that being said, not a big fan of the almost name calling in this thread. I don't think it's necessary to call someone an "aspie" or that they're a "weirdo" if they exhibit behaviors that some might find strange when they're asking for advice navigating a situation.

I wouldn't say that I'm OCD about my daily routine as long as I can get a work out in at some point. Willful misunderstanding of other people's lives? Apologies if I offended you, I meant to include this earlier but I know for a fact that the information in my first post applies to the partners I work for/in my group. I agree with you it was a mistake to potentially paint ALL the partners at my firm with the same brush.

Uh no this doesn’t describe ppl who succeed in biglaw at all. Successful biglaw people have equal parts intelligence, social skills and hard work. But social adeptness is a part of it.

It sounds like you are a female big law associate (or men wear lululemon shorts?). If so, you are comparing yourself to the wrong metric. A lot of the male partners have a life like you describe because they have kids and all the things that come along with kids when you have money, like private school and big houses. But, there is a much bigger range within the ranks of female partners. Some have kids and all those trappings, but there are many who are single or don’t have kids and their lives look a bit different. Nothing that you describe would prevent you from being a partner, and not having kids will be something of an advantage early on because you can more easily put in the hours.

I have some partners I am close to and I know a lot about their private lives but plenty that I only know professionally and I don’t really know that much about them. As long as they do good work and don’t create headaches for me, I don’t really care how they spend their free time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound like a weirdo

I mean, I work in biglaw, doesn't that describe most folks that don't leave and try to stick around?

With that being said, not a big fan of the almost name calling in this thread. I don't think it's necessary to call someone an "aspie" or that they're a "weirdo" if they exhibit behaviors that some might find strange when they're asking for advice navigating a situation.

I wouldn't say that I'm OCD about my daily routine as long as I can get a work out in at some point. Willful misunderstanding of other people's lives? Apologies if I offended you, I meant to include this earlier but I know for a fact that the information in my first post applies to the partners I work for/in my group. I agree with you it was a mistake to potentially paint ALL the partners at my firm with the same brush.

I said weirdo, not aspie.

The fact you are this weird probably shows through and yes that could hurt your ability to make partner, develop business, etc. Not owning a second home is the least of your concerns.

The "aspie" comment was directed at the other posters not you. In any case, thank you for your feedback, it is much appreciated.