Anonymous wrote:Long term fed lawyer (mid-50’s) here. I have an offer at a firm in Boston and live in DMV. We have one kid in college and one who will graduate HS in 2027. She is in a special ed school and pulling her out is absolutely not an option. My whole family who I am very close to is in the Boston area and I grew up there, so we would make a permanent move in 2027. 3 days per week in-office requirement so I could theoretically be home every weekend, or I could try to negotiate one week on, one week off. I’m just trying to figure out how stressful this would be for 1.5 years. Job is a good career move - will be similar pay for a year or two but then there is partner possibility. Firm is large but not “big law” so there is reasonable work-life balance but 1900 billables.

Has anyone done this kind of arrangement? Is the short term pain worth the long term payoff? We would love to be near my family and community. We don’t have much of one here.

We did it for one year when relocating from Boston to DC. Direct flights 2x/month for me and 2x/month for DH. We had a shorter timeline than you though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like a big leap of faith. Pay is similar to your current government job and partner track is possible?

Have you run the numbers? Boston is expensive. Flights, rent, ubers, eating out, and taxes. Property too (once you want to buy there). Check the income tax liability.

I wouldn’t do this unless it was a huge income jump. Are you just trying to avoid your family?

Because sometimes you have to take a step back to take a step forward.

This is an opportunity to escape the DC job market and more forward professionally. Staying in DC in a federal job is surviving. OP will come to regret it if he or she turns this down.

OP here and this is sort of what I’m thinking. I’m definitely not trying to avoid my family. Living apart from them is the major con to this situation. But I carry the health benefits for the family and my income is larger than DH, so I need a job and this is a pretty good one that (if I’m successful) will definitely open doors. It also may be best for my family in the long run because grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins are ALL there or nearby in NH. We are completely without family here in the DMV and have never made the kind of “like family” friends we have in Boston. We do love our house though. And moving will be hard on our daughter, even after graduation. It’s a very hard decision, but I’m going to ask them if maybe they’ll let me do 2 weeks in office 2 weeks remote. That feels like it would be a lot more manageable, I don’t think I can travel every week.

I don't have children at home but I did this for a summer in 2019. It was a lot and I was tired from all the flying, but the benefits (to me) outweighed the drawbacks.

Anonymous wrote:It seems like a big leap of faith. Pay is similar to your current government job and partner track is possible?

Have you run the numbers? Boston is expensive. Flights, rent, ubers, eating out, and taxes. Property too (once you want to buy there). Check the income tax liability.

I wouldn’t do this unless it was a huge income jump. Are you just trying to avoid your family?

Because sometimes you have to take a step back to take a step forward.

This is an opportunity to escape the DC job market and more forward professionally. Staying in DC in a federal job is surviving. OP will come to regret it if he or she turns this down.

It seems like a big leap of faith. Pay is similar to your current government job and partner track is possible?

Have you run the numbers? Boston is expensive. Flights, rent, ubers, eating out, and taxes. Property too (once you want to buy there). Check the income tax liability.

I wouldn’t do this unless it was a huge income jump. Are you just trying to avoid your family?

Pp here. Do not count on your spouse for rides. It gets old very quickly and becomes a strain on the relationship.

I have done it for ten years. You will need chase sapphire reserve and capital one venture. How close are you to the airports? DCA has been absolutely awful this year. It used to be an easy commute but it is now hell. I do not actually plan on being able to get there on the same day. Delays average 4 hours but are often cancelled randomly so you must be there all the time. Until this year, it was simple. Flights every hour, cheap if booked in advance. But the system is now broken.

Anonymous wrote:I commuted Boston area (my parent’s house) to College Park (where my now DH was in grad school) for a bit over a year. I’d book the last flight of the day on Friday and catch a train from my job in Waltham. If everything worked and security was lights etc, I could make the earlier flight and go standby. I flew down about once a month and he flew up about once a month. It wasn’t ideal but we made it work. But….i was a lot younger, didn’t care about my job too much, didn’t have housing costs, and didn’t have kids. I also think it would have been really hard to do weekly

A classmate of mine was in a similar position for half of jr year and all of senior year. Her parents paid for her to live with their neighbor while they moved from the Boston area to the Midwest. She commuted to our private school with someone else in our town who picked her up. I don’t know how often they all saw each other. She put on a brave face but it seemed hard. I also have no idea how they handled things like extracurricular activities and doctor’s appointments. She had two young elementary school siblings who moved with the parents.

Extra curricular wasn’t in full scale 20 years ago.
I didn’t have any and got into a fine state school for free.

I commuted Boston area (my parent’s house) to College Park (where my now DH was in grad school) for a bit over a year. I’d book the last flight of the day on Friday and catch a train from my job in Waltham. If everything worked and security was lights etc, I could make the earlier flight and go standby. I flew down about once a month and he flew up about once a month. It wasn’t ideal but we made it work. But….i was a lot younger, didn’t care about my job too much, didn’t have housing costs, and didn’t have kids. I also think it would have been really hard to do weekly

A classmate of mine was in a similar position for half of jr year and all of senior year. Her parents paid for her to live with their neighbor while they moved from the Boston area to the Midwest. She commuted to our private school with someone else in our town who picked her up. I don’t know how often they all saw each other. She put on a brave face but it seemed hard. I also have no idea how they handled things like extracurricular activities and doctor’s appointments. She had two young elementary school siblings who moved with the parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long term fed lawyer (mid-50’s) here. I have an offer at a firm in Boston and live in DMV. We have one kid in college and one who will graduate HS in 2027. She is in a special ed school and pulling her out is absolutely not an option. My whole family who I am very close to is in the Boston area and I grew up there, so we would make a permanent move in 2027. 3 days per week in-office requirement so I could theoretically be home every weekend, or I could try to negotiate one week on, one week off. I’m just trying to figure out how stressful this would be for 1.5 years. Job is a good career move - will be similar pay for a year or two but then there is partner possibility. Firm is large but not “big law” so there is reasonable work-life balance but 1900 billables.

Has anyone done this kind of arrangement? Is the short term pain worth the long term payoff? We would love to be near my family and community. We don’t have much of one here.

No.
Spec Ed kid she needs you.
It's "just" 1.5 years?

Pls share your experience with this.

Anonymous wrote:Long term fed lawyer (mid-50’s) here. I have an offer at a firm in Boston and live in DMV. We have one kid in college and one who will graduate HS in 2027. She is in a special ed school and pulling her out is absolutely not an option. My whole family who I am very close to is in the Boston area and I grew up there, so we would make a permanent move in 2027. 3 days per week in-office requirement so I could theoretically be home every weekend, or I could try to negotiate one week on, one week off. I’m just trying to figure out how stressful this would be for 1.5 years. Job is a good career move - will be similar pay for a year or two but then there is partner possibility. Firm is large but not “big law” so there is reasonable work-life balance but 1900 billables.

Has anyone done this kind of arrangement? Is the short term pain worth the long term payoff? We would love to be near my family and community. We don’t have much of one here.

No.
Spec Ed kid she needs you.
It's "just" 1.5 years?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, anything that gets you back to the Hub of the universe is worth enduring - it's only a year and a half of long distance marriage and commute, after all.

Consider looking for a house share, maybe with some nerdy graduate or law students from Harvard or MIT etc. - you will be working long hours anyway and that will save you outfitting and furnishing a whole little apartment for such a short time. You can rent a nice big hotel room when the hubs and kids come to Beantown to visit you.

Welcome home to the best commonwealth in the nation!

The "Hub of the Universe?" LOL

Boston's nickname, "The Hub of the Universe," originated from an 1858 essay by Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., titled "The Autocrat of the Breakfast Table," where he humorously called the Boston State House "the hub of the solar system". The phrase was quickly embraced, evolving into the "Hub of the Universe" and simply "The Hub," becoming an enduring nickname that reflects Boston's perceived importance and self-centeredness in various fields.

I would do this. But I would also ask as part of negotiations if there was a way to cut down the in office time for, say, the first six months or a year. There may be a compromise. But a year and nine months will go quick.

I commuted to/from the Midwest for a while. Some things I learned:

It ended up being a lot more expensive than I had budgeted. Flights cost more -- high seasons I hadn't anticipated, or I couldn't always buy the tickets three weeks out because my schedule was in flux. I ate out more and each meal was more expensive. At home I could grab a yoghurt or whatever at home, but on the road I was always buying something.

Even the Uber was more expensive. If I left for the airport early, my spouse couldn't drive me and I was stuck paying more if the Uber price spiked. It all added up and stressed me out because we were counting pennies.

This whole thing interfered with my sleep. Having to take a 6am flight meant getting up by 3:30-4am and I live close to the airport. Then I was wrecked all day.

Be prepared to want to stay in Boston to see friends and family and to take a break from the travel. Maybe you could do two weeks on, two off?

One tip:

Figure out of you really have to be in the office a full day for all three days, or of you just need to show your face on those days. You could work from home in the morning and fly mid-day or in the afternoon, and technically be in the office that day so it "counts." It provides some flexibility with flights and you're not stuck taking 6am flights there and 10pm flights back all the time.

DH did this. Stayed with family and kept his car there. This was for a year. It was fine. Not ideal but fine.